Posts Tagged With: empowered

the magic is in me

Monday I twice verbalized something I noticed recently. (Because I pay attention.)
I’m feeling different both physically and emotionally since the beginning of the year.
No, not just different, better.
Stronger, healthier, more aware.
Enthused.
Empowered.
Energetic.

What’s different physically is I’m practicing intermittent fasting. This has made a huge difference when it comes to my energy levels and cognitive function. It’s also provided me with better sleep.
Interestingly, my weight has remained the same, (within three pounds) but that’ll have to do because I’m all about this energy and alertness.
What’s different from the emotional point of view is that I’m actively focusing on me. Doing what I need for the betterment of me. I am paying attention to where I put my energy.
So with having more/better energy and cognitive function, and actively choosing where to utilize it, I’m not only accomplishing more, I’m feeling good in the process.

From where I was in December to where I am now is night and day.
Then I felt overwhelmed, at the moment I feel capable and inspired.
I’m going against my instinct to question it, the whys and wherefores, how long it’ll last.
I will not ask questions that stem from doubt.
I will accept where I am and how I feel about it. And I will to celebrate it!

My energy is being well spent. I’m doing not only what needs to be done, but also what I want to do.
I’m doing coursework like a boss.
I painted Thing G’s old room henceforth to be referred to as ‘the blue room’. Once I move guest room furniture in there I’ll get started on the pink room. My creative space. My nest in this house. (Teeny little squee!)
I’m able to read more.
I’ve even picked up book club books for the next two months.
(I cannot express how big this is. I haven’t read for months…not even magazines.)

I plan to keep this momentum.
And whatever comes at me, well, I’ll deal with it then.
I realize that by relentlessly questioning timelines and end dates my energy is wasted. I realize trying to plan for any possible scenario is wasting my energy.
My energy is precious.
So instead of wasting it on situations in which nothing I do will make a difference anyway, I’ll spend my energy paying attention. I’ll spend my energy focused on me.
That’s where I can make the biggest difference.

I cannot change others.
I cannot alter how and what others do.
I can pay attention to myself.
I can alter how and what I do.


The magic is in me.
The magic is all around me.

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Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

two boring sides of one disappointing coin

During a chat conversation this morning, my darling English friend shared with me what he’s working on in therapy. We talked quickly before I had to leave for school, which left the conversation open ended. He suggested we come back to it later “and maybe we can discover where our minds and beliefs agree.”
What I adored about this conversation was that is was in no way aggressive or argumentative. We were just remarking on the subject as we see it.
Oh, but it got me thinking!

Here’s the pertinent bit of the conversation:
Him:
I’m supposed to be working on the Madonna and Whore dichotomy for my meeting with my counselor tomorrow.
So far it’s not going brilliantly. As far as I’ve got is that all women have aspects of the Madonna and Whore, but no women should be looked at in just those lights.

Me:
Interesting
Perhaps you could consider women as activists? Women as world changers? There are a f**k load of those out there. Even though you’re not the biggest fan of liberal minded women.

Him:
Men put the Madonna on a pedestal and objectify the Whore, and both are wrong
I love liberal minded women, I just don’t like angry liberal minded women

Me:
I suspect it is somehow bred into women this Madonna and whore thing. I don’t think we’d come up with that on our own and I believe that’s worth considering.

Him:
I believe a lot of woman is created by what a man wants, needs, desires and expects.

Me:
Yet women oughtn’t be angry?
I think you just made the whole point!!

Him:
As a polite Englishman, I think I struggle with women who are angry, rude, aggressive, opinionated, and political. How odd.

Me:
Interesting!
What if the women were not rude or aggressive? What if they were angry and opinionated and political?

Him:
An angry woman is also difficult for me to accept.

Me:
The opinion you have and share with many men is why women have been, are, and will remain ‘less than’.
That’s something worth being angry about.

Him:
It’s not an opinion, it’s a whole belief system

Me:
Yes it is.
Because I have breasts and a vagina, I’m somehow only one of two things. Neither of which has power unless “bestowed”.

carrie-miranda
Carrie and Miranda know what’s up.
And that right there is why women (and men, and in some cases, children) took to the streets Saturday last!

If the men of the world were somehow either Madonna or whore with no other real identity that foolishness would cease with a quickness!
That makes me angry!
That makes loads of women angry!

On the way to dinner I was telling YBW about the conversation and that it sparked this post. He mused that most men don’t like angry women because they can’t be controlled and that frightens them.
This makes a kind of sense to me, but I suspect there’s more to it than that…

I’m strong and capable. I’m smart and funny. I’m loud and brash. I’m kind and compassionate. I’m confident in my sexuality. I’m “girlie” af. I’m infuriating as hell. And I am sometimes so angry I cannot speak, only shake with violent rage. I am in charge of my own body. I decide what is right for me. I love with an unparalleled ferocity. I have immortal longings in me. Not to mention loads more things I’m not thinking of right now.
But what I am not is some pristine virgin. Neither am I a whore.

Being either Madonna or whore is boring!
It’s one dimensional.
Where’s the challenge? Where’s the adventure? Where’s the trial and error and lesson learning?
I believe women are more complex than that. We’ve got fires in our bellies, hearth fires and holocausts. We are terrifying and strange and beautiful. We are overflowing with much muchier muchness. We are bad ass warrior Goddesses. We are calm and gentle nurturing Earth Mothers. We are givers of life.

Men want women as Madonna or whore. Two boring sides of one disappointing coin.
aint-nobody-got-time-for-that

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

normal = positive…who knew?

Taurus horoscope for Jul 4 2014
You have found a new path to controlling and uplifting your emotions. It is evident to those around you who know you well, and it is a joyful sign. Now that you are beginning to feel transcendent above the difficulties, you are feeling more powerful too – because you have empowered yourself through optimism. You can expect many things in your life that were formerly challenging to become much easier. And since your spirit is lighter and you are more yourself, you will find that wonderful people and circumstances will gravitate to you.

Interestingly enough, I have experienced these feelings in the last week or so…by shedding the veil of grief I began to feel ‘normal’ but it’s more than that.
I do feel uplifted and powerful…and strangely optimistic.
I already have wonderful people around me so perhaps the circumstances will follow.

Normal = positive.
Who knew?

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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