Posts Tagged With: celebrate

not for comparison but for inclusion

I’ve been reading loads of end of- and beginning of- year posts. Some written after giving real thought to what 2018 looked like to the writer, some filled with new hopes, thoughts, or ideas for 2019. Some written to stimulate real thought from the readers.
I got a text from my friend Nora yesterday, it was her adorable bitmoji carrying to the curb, a leaking, stinking garbage bag labeled 2018.
I’m not sharing the pic because I’m making a point about using words. My initial response was to laugh. I even replied “Amen, sister!” But that’s because I reacted to the picture I saw.
When I started describing it just now, I realized I have mixed feelings regarding 2018. And not all of it belongs in that stank trash bag.

There was so much death in my world in 2018.
From Thing 1’s miscarriage to YBW’s precious mom, our beloved sister in law’s mother, friends at work lost parents, YBW even lost one of his colleagues, a man in his 50s. One of my oldest friends lost her mother, a woman who was dear, close friends with my own mother. And another part of childhood dies.
So much loss.
But in 2018 we celebrated anniversaries of birth for our collective children, we celebrated the graduation of our youngest. We celebrated at the news of a baby joining our family.
We experienced teeny little victories, and joys throughout the year. Some personal, some collective. Some meaningless to anyone other than me.

As I consider the close of one year and the start of another, my main take away is I must pay better attention.
Life is fragile and precious.

I spend so much time eyeballing everything from my own point of view.
Well, I guess we all do that.
Remember that show, Ally McBeal? Courtney Thorne Smith’s character asks Ally something to the effect of why her problems are more important than everyone else’s. To which Ally replies, They’re mine.

Looking at the world through your personal lens, your stuff is so much bigger, more important than everyone else’s. And that really does make sense.
I see the world through my point of view because it’s my life.
I’m not suggesting I’m as selfish as Ally McBeal.
Though I’m suggesting I can choose to look past the end of my own nose.

If I broaden my scope, I will see at least some things from a more inclusive point of view.
And in my heart of hearts, I believe that will benefit me.

Pay attention.
I do more than I give myself credit for. However, in general daily life living I spend a great deal of time on autopilot, and that surely narrows my point of view. I think so many of us live that way, just doing what needs to be done without really stopping to see. To engage.
By actively paying attention, we’re naturally more engaged. And being engaged in the world around us is the best way to foster connections with other humans. And even the most misanthropic among us longs for human connection.

YBW and I had a conversation the other day that went sideways af.
I got my nose out of joint and left the room.
I tried to step outside my own irritation and went back to him asking why I’m always the bad guy.
Turns out that the way I asked my question triggered something in him. He felt “backed into the corner” and that I was “wagging my finger at him”.
I asked if he’d expressed something specifically to Thing G. My intention was to talk with Thing G about it if he hadn’t so YBW wouldn’t feel disappointed later on.
So after a heated and somewhat defeated (on both sides) conversation we came around to questioning how to close the gap between intent and perception.
From my point of view, his perception is that my intent is to be purposefully hurtful.
So how can we communicate in such a way that perception and intent are reflective on one another?
We sorted to the best of our abilities the practical aspect and agreed to try different language on both sides.

It made me think though.
Am I paying enough attention to how what I do impacts others?
Am I paying enough attention to how what others do impacts me?
Am I paying enough attention to how what I do impacts me?

Focus on self while paying attention to the bigger picture.
How does what I do impact me and the world around me?
How does the way I look at the world around me impact me?

At first glance, these questions seem big, and perhaps tricky to answer. But if I break them down, they’re simple and I already a good portion of the answers.
Answering them feels simpler than executing the answers.

How can I pay a different kind of attention in the coming year?
How will paying that attention change my world?
Y’all, I’m setting out to answer these challenging questions because I know however lovely my life is, it can be even more so if I choose to see my life in this world from a broader point of view.

I think Ally’s response makes sense. Her problems were more important to her because they were hers.
I feel the same way. I suspect most of us do.
However, by simply shifting the way I look at things, I will remember to see how much bigger the world is than just me.
Doesn’t mean my stuff will stop being important to me, just means I’ll see it from a broader point of view.
By paying attention, and looking at things differently, I’ll begin to see the importance of other people’s stuff.
Not for comparison, but for inclusion.

Acknowledging the importance of others does nothing to negate my own, and does everything to create stronger relationships.
I’ll have moments of narrow view.
But that won’t stop me from trying.
I’ll have moments of paying attention.
I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to more of the latter.

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Baby K

Thing 1 called me late last week with some pretty spectacular news.
Her baby is a GIRL!
Y’all I will readily admit to squealing with joy!
And I mean squealing!


I’m over here like Kay Thompson, singing, ‘Think pink when you shop for summer clothes!’
But, I’m respectful of my daughter’s choice to not inundate her child with gender specific colors. Honestly, I don’t give a damn what color she decides to love.
However, I’ll see to it she has some baby-size pink Chucks for sure!

Interestingly enough, we had a conversation earlier that week in which she shared the girl name they settled upon.
I’m already working on her monogram.

Off the cuff, YBW referred to her as Baby K and I knew it would be her name here in my nest.

Baby K is at her halfway point as of Christmas Eve.
She’s expected the second week of May. Just in time for my birthday.
Now, I’m sure if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I am all about my birthday. But perhaps I could share that day with my first grandbaby…
My birthday is Mother’s Day this year. What a treat it would be for me to share a birthday with my first granddaughter, and for Thing 1 to become a mommy on Mother’s Day!
Stay tuned, y’all!

Thing 1 sent sono-pics of Baby K.
I think she looks a bit like baby Groot in this one.

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Beard! Comes! Home!

Baseball and I are on a break.
My Washington Nationals are a steaming hot mess this season. Not because they’re getting their asses kicked all over the NL East, but because of “restructuring” in the organization.
What that means is they’re trading guys left and right. Good guys. Guys that make legitimate contributions to the team.
Mike Rizzo is an absolute ass, and I think the Lerner family has lost their damn minds. And I just don’t like Davey Martinez in any way, shape, or form.
These people have taken an exceptional ball club and kind of kicked the shit out of it.
I’m so over it.

But I’m putting all that aside to go to the ballpark today to celebrate the Hobo!

It’s Jayson Werth day at Nats Park!
He is beloved here in DC, and the fans are going nuts! Getting tickets to this game was no easy feat. But got them we did. And wild horses couldn’t keep me from cheering my baseball bae one last time!

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Little D’s Christmas

Little D is coming today and spending the night!
It’s actually his Christmas gift.
You see, Little D more enjoys spending time with the people he loves than he does toys and stuff. Partly this is because he’s an only child, and partly because he lost his mother so young. But mostly it’s because he’s a social kid that likes to be around the people he loves.

One of the people he loves most is Thing 2. Born on the same day fourteen years apart, they are our birthday twins. A fact each of them absolutely adores. Thing 2 and Little D are also “daughter and father” this comes from a time when he was just three, Little D took Thing 2 by the hand and lead her all around our old preschool telling everyone, “Dis my daughter Thing 2.”
Apart from the Nutcracker, and probably the Cathedral visit, what she was most looking forward to was spending time with Little D and his folks.
They built trains and played hide and seek and then settled down to color.

(I was standing on the sofa to shoot this pic and sadly lost my balance so it’s out of focus, but that’s OK I still love it.)

During that visit, Little D found his gift under the tree in our front room.
It was an invitation for a very special sleepover with YBW and me. In which a detailed plan was laid out for us to play, watch a movie, (with popcorn of course) then for breakfast we’ll make his favorite, french toast and bacon.
The first thing he said was, “When!?!”
His mom and I quickly got out our calendars and picked today!

Of course he’ll have another gift.

Batman jammies, a truly amazing book, and a movie I know he loves.
Y’all I don’t even like Batman, but I freaking love those jammies!

My local bookshop didn’t have the book in stock and it took forever to ship, so I must stop writing and get on the wrapping of his pressie! Then YBW and I will head out to meet their family for lunch and bring that kid home to play and be goofy!
I’m so excited!

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cardinal rules

I have a friend who’s second unbreakable life rule or, “Rule # 2” is that no one is permitted into his home.
I find this fascinating. No one in his home. Ever. (my suspicion is that emergency medical providers are the only exception)

I don’t know that I could ever have his second rule. Let us disregard for a moment the fact that I share a dwelling with YBW and his children (part time).
I need that energy that people bring…and I like to be in my own space. So, that would never work for me. I occasionally want to be around people while also remaining in my own physical space.
And that’s OK. I’m me, not him.

That got me thinking: I’m so me. Like, all the freaking time! And that me is an unholy mess of a girl, as well as put together AF.
I like that about me.
I embrace it, and I celebrate it.

It occurs to me that so many people don’t embrace and celebrate the “me” they are. Folks are so busy trying to be something they may not be because of any number of outside influences, societal rules, or even to impress a potential mate.
In trying to become something else, bits of the me get lost.
Some of those could be OK to lose, crap bits to bid a “good riddance” to. But some of those are important pieces. Invaluable and irreplaceable.
The me is the best and most important piece of the puzzle. Even if you haven’t completely figured out your me.
I learn about the me I am every day.
I learn stuff I love, and want to keep, I learn stuff I feel ambivalent about but realize may have value. I learn stuff I know I can chuck in the bin because it’s bad for me and anyone I come in contact with. But even the chuck it in the bin stuff can be embraced, because I learned something from it. At the very least, I learned I didn’t need it…at most, I may have even learned why.

Some folks are so concerned with improvement they don’t stop first to examine what’s there that might be handy. They just dump it and begin searching for new stuff to fill the void.
That will never get anybody anywhere!
If folks are externally motivated, they’re never going to experience the all-important A-ha! moments. Never experience the all-important I did it! moments.
I believe you lose the most important aspect of the me when you’re externally motivated. When you need to be filled up by other people, or things. It doesn’t seem to me that you’re even aware of the me inside you, much less embracing and celebrating it. That makes me so sad. I cannot stress enough how much that (those) someones are missing out!

Embrace and celebrate what you have within you. Learn it and learn from it.
Accept and release some of it. Accept and embrace other of it.
But, above all, celebrate the “me” inside you.

I’m me.
I’m a hot mess and a tight ship. And that is the way I like it. I’m so over trying to be what external influences expect me to be.
I’m just the me I expect me to be.
I’m amazing and wonderful because I’m flawed.
Each lesson I’ve learned, the good, the bad, the indifferent have made and continue to make me this wonderfully flawed woman.

I think that’s the most important of my Cardinal Rules.
If I decided to create unbreakable rules for my life they might look like this.

1. Embrace and celebrate the me I am.
2. Live my intention.
3.

(yeah, I sort of borrowed that one, but I feel it keenly)
4. Communicate with honesty.
5. Know my limits.

That’s just off the top of my head…I might mix it up a little, I might keep it the way it is. But, over all, that’s how I intended to live my life.
Cardinal Rules.
It occurs to me that I already lived them, just never stopped to write them down.

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day seven

Well, my birthday night Nats game was a rain out. Postponed to create a double header for Sunday. I wasn’t even bummed! I totally expected the rain out.
But we didn’t find out till we were already on the road. It’s cool, with some quick thinking we decided on an early dinner at an Irish pub in Fairfax. I drank my fill of Harp and ate the most delicious grouper. (Not traditionally Irish I know, but good golly it was yummy!)
Headed back home in rush hour traffic in the pouring rain, made a quick stop for ice cream before coming home to open my pressie.

New (Nats) sneakers. Jammies. A book, two movies (La La Land included!) and a CD so Alan Cumming can sing me sappy songs whenever I want.

At school, the kids in the lunch room sang to me on two separate occasions. The boys in the classroom sang to me in the morning when I dropped off the cupcakes we would share that afternoon, and when we had the cupcakes! They even made me cards! Sweet boys!

I got “happy birthdayed” all over social media. Received many a text and phone call celebrating me with love. Precious Thing 1 even sang to me!
All in all, it was a great day!

For starting out slowly, and some disappointing bumps along the way, I have to say that International Week of Robynbird’s Birthday has been a success!
Most importantly, I celebrated myself!
I felt celebrated by those around me. Got to do, and eat things I love. Was able to treat myself to pretty purple toe polish, and a brand new handbag. Had to threaten to show my driver’s license to someone that didn’t believe I turned forty six. And over all just felt super-loved. Even by people who weren’t near me.

Today is the last day of IWotB and I intend to capitalize on it! That means special dinner (I’m not sure what it’ll be just yet.) and I’m thinking…angel food cake with fresh berries. Yum!
Happy Birthday to me!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day five

Cocktails on the porch last night before breakfast for dinner made for a rather happy Robynbird!
It’s pouring with rain this morning and chilly in the 50s. March weather in May seems weird to me.

I celebrated myself today with a pedicure!

Came home, put on my jammies, and now I’m going to make champagne cocktails with Cat Head honeysuckle vodka!

Aren’t they pretty?

Last day in the countdown…tomorrow I’ll wake up and it will be my birthday!
I suspect it seems strange for a grown ass woman to be so excited about her birthday…but I don’t care!
Let’s celebrate me!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day four

Well, today isn’t super celebratory.
Thing 2 decided not to come this week. I am disappointed. I am sad. My feelings are hurt. But, what really strikes me is that I’m not terribly surprised. I’m not sure how I’m going to process this. Only, I do know that I can’t let it ruin Birthday Birthday week. I’m going to take time to be sad and then I’ll go back to celebrating myself.
(I may be writing a bit more optimistically than I feel.)

Oh my golly!
The UPS guy brought my first pressie!
This precious little hand carved duck from my friend and mentor Jessica!

Isn’t this the sweetest thing?
It comes from dcuk, The Duck Company in England. How precious!

I kind of love that this little boy duck is rocking the pink polka dotted wellies.

Breakfast for dinner will make this day complete. Breakfast foods are my all time favorites, and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate myself this week!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day three

So far, it seems like the only one truly on the “celebrate the ever-loving f**k out of me” band wagon is me.
And you know what? That’s actually OK.
I mean, it’s not what I’d like, but I don’t think anyone celebrates anything or anyone with the same level of enthusiasm as I tend to. So I’ll continue to celebrate myself and love every moment of it.

I celebrated today by blasting Blondie in the car. I was rocking out, singing and dancing as I drove home. I think folks were looking at me, but I didn’t care. Know why? Cause Fab Five Freddy told me everybody’s fly.

I did a little more work in the kitchen. I’m trying to finish up waxing cabinet doors and the actual cabinet boxes so I can put it all back together. (I didn’t do anything in the kitchen all weekend. Saturday we celebrated YBW’s birthday, and Sunday I ran errands all day long.) It’s cool though, I’m really enjoying the process. It would be nice to have great chunks of uninterrupted time to get it all done at once…but I don’t so I’m doing a little bit at a time…I’ve nearly gotten used to the cabinet doors being off, I may not know what to do with myself once I put them back on.

In a little while, I’m going up the street to look after M and B while their Mommy goes to an appointment before their Daddy comes home from work. So I’ll get snuggles and giggles and loads of good love. What better way to celebrate my Birthday week?

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day two

Now, this is a bit more  than I’d normally subject y’all to. Only I quite love this quote. It’s so very Robynbird!
I’m all those things.
And many more!
And this year, as I celebrate the forty-sixth anniversary of my birth, I feel like I finally accept myself and my place in the world in a way I’ve never done before. I’ve noticed it more than a few times recently. Enough to bring it up to my therapist.
I feel completely free, yet absolutely in control.
I dig it.
I am lionhearted. And nerdy. And sexy. I am intelligent. And courageous. And I really do embrace every teeny bit of all that insanity and more!
This Monday has been an excellent second day of my Birthday Week!

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