Posts Tagged With: celebrate

Little D’s Christmas

Little D is coming today and spending the night!
It’s actually his Christmas gift.
You see, Little D more enjoys spending time with the people he loves than he does toys and stuff. Partly this is because he’s an only child, and partly because he lost his mother so young. But mostly it’s because he’s a social kid that likes to be around the people he loves.

One of the people he loves most is Thing 2. Born on the same day fourteen years apart, they are our birthday twins. A fact each of them absolutely adores. Thing 2 and Little D are also “daughter and father” this comes from a time when he was just three, Little D took Thing 2 by the hand and lead her all around our old preschool telling everyone, “Dis my daughter Thing 2.”
Apart from the Nutcracker, and probably the Cathedral visit, what she was most looking forward to was spending time with Little D and his folks.
They built trains and played hide and seek and then settled down to color.

(I was standing on the sofa to shoot this pic and sadly lost my balance so it’s out of focus, but that’s OK I still love it.)

During that visit, Little D found his gift under the tree in our front room.
It was an invitation for a very special sleepover with YBW and me. In which a detailed plan was laid out for us to play, watch a movie, (with popcorn of course) then for breakfast we’ll make his favorite, french toast and bacon.
The first thing he said was, “When!?!”
His mom and I quickly got out our calendars and picked today!

Of course he’ll have another gift.

Batman jammies, a truly amazing book, and a movie I know he loves.
Y’all I don’t even like Batman, but I freaking love those jammies!

My local bookshop didn’t have the book in stock and it took forever to ship, so I must stop writing and get on the wrapping of his pressie! Then YBW and I will head out to meet their family for lunch and bring that kid home to play and be goofy!
I’m so excited!

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cardinal rules

I have a friend who’s second unbreakable life rule or, “Rule # 2” is that no one is permitted into his home.
I find this fascinating. No one in his home. Ever. (my suspicion is that emergency medical providers are the only exception)

I don’t know that I could ever have his second rule. Let us disregard for a moment the fact that I share a dwelling with YBW and his children (part time).
I need that energy that people bring…and I like to be in my own space. So, that would never work for me. I occasionally want to be around people while also remaining in my own physical space.
And that’s OK. I’m me, not him.

That got me thinking: I’m so me. Like, all the freaking time! And that me is an unholy mess of a girl, as well as put together AF.
I like that about me.
I embrace it, and I celebrate it.

It occurs to me that so many people don’t embrace and celebrate the “me” they are. Folks are so busy trying to be something they may not be because of any number of outside influences, societal rules, or even to impress a potential mate.
In trying to become something else, bits of the me get lost.
Some of those could be OK to lose, crap bits to bid a “good riddance” to. But some of those are important pieces. Invaluable and irreplaceable.
The me is the best and most important piece of the puzzle. Even if you haven’t completely figured out your me.
I learn about the me I am every day.
I learn stuff I love, and want to keep, I learn stuff I feel ambivalent about but realize may have value. I learn stuff I know I can chuck in the bin because it’s bad for me and anyone I come in contact with. But even the chuck it in the bin stuff can be embraced, because I learned something from it. At the very least, I learned I didn’t need it…at most, I may have even learned why.

Some folks are so concerned with improvement they don’t stop first to examine what’s there that might be handy. They just dump it and begin searching for new stuff to fill the void.
That will never get anybody anywhere!
If folks are externally motivated, they’re never going to experience the all-important A-ha! moments. Never experience the all-important I did it! moments.
I believe you lose the most important aspect of the me when you’re externally motivated. When you need to be filled up by other people, or things. It doesn’t seem to me that you’re even aware of the me inside you, much less embracing and celebrating it. That makes me so sad. I cannot stress enough how much that (those) someones are missing out!

Embrace and celebrate what you have within you. Learn it and learn from it.
Accept and release some of it. Accept and embrace other of it.
But, above all, celebrate the “me” inside you.

I’m me.
I’m a hot mess and a tight ship. And that is the way I like it. I’m so over trying to be what external influences expect me to be.
I’m just the me I expect me to be.
I’m amazing and wonderful because I’m flawed.
Each lesson I’ve learned, the good, the bad, the indifferent have made and continue to make me this wonderfully flawed woman.

I think that’s the most important of my Cardinal Rules.
If I decided to create unbreakable rules for my life they might look like this.

1. Embrace and celebrate the me I am.
2. Live my intention.
3.

(yeah, I sort of borrowed that one, but I feel it keenly)
4. Communicate with honesty.
5. Know my limits.

That’s just off the top of my head…I might mix it up a little, I might keep it the way it is. But, over all, that’s how I intended to live my life.
Cardinal Rules.
It occurs to me that I already lived them, just never stopped to write them down.

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day seven

Well, my birthday night Nats game was a rain out. Postponed to create a double header for Sunday. I wasn’t even bummed! I totally expected the rain out.
But we didn’t find out till we were already on the road. It’s cool, with some quick thinking we decided on an early dinner at an Irish pub in Fairfax. I drank my fill of Harp and ate the most delicious grouper. (Not traditionally Irish I know, but good golly it was yummy!)
Headed back home in rush hour traffic in the pouring rain, made a quick stop for ice cream before coming home to open my pressie.

New (Nats) sneakers. Jammies. A book, two movies (La La Land included!) and a CD so Alan Cumming can sing me sappy songs whenever I want.

At school, the kids in the lunch room sang to me on two separate occasions. The boys in the classroom sang to me in the morning when I dropped off the cupcakes we would share that afternoon, and when we had the cupcakes! They even made me cards! Sweet boys!

I got “happy birthdayed” all over social media. Received many a text and phone call celebrating me with love. Precious Thing 1 even sang to me!
All in all, it was a great day!

For starting out slowly, and some disappointing bumps along the way, I have to say that International Week of Robynbird’s Birthday has been a success!
Most importantly, I celebrated myself!
I felt celebrated by those around me. Got to do, and eat things I love. Was able to treat myself to pretty purple toe polish, and a brand new handbag. Had to threaten to show my driver’s license to someone that didn’t believe I turned forty six. And over all just felt super-loved. Even by people who weren’t near me.

Today is the last day of IWotB and I intend to capitalize on it! That means special dinner (I’m not sure what it’ll be just yet.) and I’m thinking…angel food cake with fresh berries. Yum!
Happy Birthday to me!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day five

Cocktails on the porch last night before breakfast for dinner made for a rather happy Robynbird!
It’s pouring with rain this morning and chilly in the 50s. March weather in May seems weird to me.

I celebrated myself today with a pedicure!

Came home, put on my jammies, and now I’m going to make champagne cocktails with Cat Head honeysuckle vodka!

Aren’t they pretty?

Last day in the countdown…tomorrow I’ll wake up and it will be my birthday!
I suspect it seems strange for a grown ass woman to be so excited about her birthday…but I don’t care!
Let’s celebrate me!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day four

Well, today isn’t super celebratory.
Thing 2 decided not to come this week. I am disappointed. I am sad. My feelings are hurt. But, what really strikes me is that I’m not terribly surprised. I’m not sure how I’m going to process this. Only, I do know that I can’t let it ruin Birthday Birthday week. I’m going to take time to be sad and then I’ll go back to celebrating myself.
(I may be writing a bit more optimistically than I feel.)

Oh my golly!
The UPS guy brought my first pressie!
This precious little hand carved duck from my friend and mentor Jessica!

Isn’t this the sweetest thing?
It comes from dcuk, The Duck Company in England. How precious!

I kind of love that this little boy duck is rocking the pink polka dotted wellies.

Breakfast for dinner will make this day complete. Breakfast foods are my all time favorites, and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate myself this week!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day three

So far, it seems like the only one truly on the “celebrate the ever-loving f**k out of me” band wagon is me.
And you know what? That’s actually OK.
I mean, it’s not what I’d like, but I don’t think anyone celebrates anything or anyone with the same level of enthusiasm as I tend to. So I’ll continue to celebrate myself and love every moment of it.

I celebrated today by blasting Blondie in the car. I was rocking out, singing and dancing as I drove home. I think folks were looking at me, but I didn’t care. Know why? Cause Fab Five Freddy told me everybody’s fly.

I did a little more work in the kitchen. I’m trying to finish up waxing cabinet doors and the actual cabinet boxes so I can put it all back together. (I didn’t do anything in the kitchen all weekend. Saturday we celebrated YBW’s birthday, and Sunday I ran errands all day long.) It’s cool though, I’m really enjoying the process. It would be nice to have great chunks of uninterrupted time to get it all done at once…but I don’t so I’m doing a little bit at a time…I’ve nearly gotten used to the cabinet doors being off, I may not know what to do with myself once I put them back on.

In a little while, I’m going up the street to look after M and B while their Mommy goes to an appointment before their Daddy comes home from work. So I’ll get snuggles and giggles and loads of good love. What better way to celebrate my Birthday week?

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day two

Now, this is a bit more  than I’d normally subject y’all to. Only I quite love this quote. It’s so very Robynbird!
I’m all those things.
And many more!
And this year, as I celebrate the forty-sixth anniversary of my birth, I feel like I finally accept myself and my place in the world in a way I’ve never done before. I’ve noticed it more than a few times recently. Enough to bring it up to my therapist.
I feel completely free, yet absolutely in control.
I dig it.
I am lionhearted. And nerdy. And sexy. I am intelligent. And courageous. And I really do embrace every teeny bit of all that insanity and more!
This Monday has been an excellent second day of my Birthday Week!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day one

Today started ‘International Week of (this girl’s) Birthday’!
I spent Sunday of IWotB running errands.
Costco and Wegmans for groceries. Home Goods, Target, Ross, and Bed Bath & Beyond for stuff for the kitchen. I actually made a purchase at each stop, but at Ross I only bought a very cool something for Thing 1 and a little treat for Thing 2 to have when she arrives later this week.

At Home Goods I found these gorgeous Tiffany blue napkins. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I was leaving the store without them. The moment I saw them, I knew they were meant for me. A little ‘Happy Birthday’ to me, from me!

Upon seeing them for the first time, YBW declared that if I died and could come back as linens, I would be these napkins.
You know, he’s got a point.
They are so very Robynbird.
Today was a great start to my Birthday Week!

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twenty three years

Today is Thing 1’s birthday. She’s twenty three. Older than I was when she was born.
I find it hard to believe it’s been twenty three years since I first clapped eyes on her. The time has gone by in only a moment! Yet I feel like I’ve been her mom since the dawn of time. (in the best possible way)
We had some rough times. Times I never expected to recover from.
We had beautiful times that I wish I could somehow bottle, open up and swim around in once again.

She wrote to me earlier this week, “I miss us.” in response to the resurfacing of something her sister said years ago. A moment in time when the three of us were an unstoppable unit of girl power and giggles. A mom and her two girls just living and loving and laughing together.
I miss us too.
But even though I miss us, I know that I raised two very strong willed and independently minded young women. I know I did my job providing the best possible foundation for them to continue to build their lives. I know that power resides in them and they’re going to use it to the best of their abilities when they set themselves to it. I know the natural course of life is for them to create nests of their own. They don’t need to be in my nest anymore, they can create their own, and they can live and love and laugh as women.
I am proud of who they are.
I’m just a bit sad that we’re no longer “us”.
Both of these are OK.

Thing 1 was the human personification of every hope and dream I ever had. Yet she exceeds them. She challenged me every step of the way. But I realize now, she was meant to do. She is who she is to help me become who I am supposed to be.
She will call me to tell me to goofiest things. She will ask for advice. She was the one who most encouraged my decision to return to therapy. She reminds me that I wasn’t always “sick” and that I’ll get through this and will come out the other side better off.
There are times when I want to “kick her in the face”. There are times I want to hold her close and whisper sweet things to her. I think that’s only natural.

We’ve lived through twenty three years of some of the best and worst things I’ve ever experienced. But here’s the deal, they made us “us” and I choose to celebrate that.
She recently posted this photo on social media. I was moved to tears. All the hard work, and all the love, and all the laughter, and all the pain, and all the silliness created this Momma and this daughter. And it means something just as powerful to her.
daughter-crown
Woo Hoo! Birthday Birthday! Happiest day to you, Bear! I love you more than the whole wide world.

Categories: love, me, on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

My birthday is sacred, does that mean I’m selfish?

Tomorrow is my birthday!
IMG_20150412_112041

The forty fifth anniversary of the day I was born.
It is sacred.
But honestly, I think it’s only sacred to me.
The woman who taught me it was sacred is no longer here to celebrate.
The man who loved to join me in my countdown towards it is no longer here to celebrate.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 understand the sacredness of their own birthdays because I showed them how. But do they appreciate the sacredness of mine?
I guess if you break it down logically, they wouldn’t have birthdays to be sacred if I was never born…so they must somehow appreciate my birthday as sacred…?

YBW doesn’t feel as strongly about birthdays as I do.
And the fact that his firstborn son graduates from college tomorrow impacts what’s sacred about May 12, 2016. As it should! Thing C has worked hard to graduate with a double major. This is a “life token” event of high importance! I’m so proud of and for him and he’s not even mine.

Sundance and I talked about spending the day together tomorrow…but I’m not sure I’m actually feeling it. I guess we’ll see when I wake up tomorrow.

I did throw a party last weekend to celebrate both YBW’s and my birthday. We were absolutely celebrated by our friends and had a wonderful time!

But it’s the actual day that matters.
The actual day that one enters this world is what’s sacred.
I won’t be actively celebrated tomorrow. That feels strange to me. Partly because I don’t feel like I can actively celebrate myself.
I feel strongly about celebrating Thing C! He deserves to be loved and celebrated for his accomplishment. It’s not his fault the University decided to host the school of Humanities’ convocation on the day of my birthday.
I hate that I feel conflicted about it. I have the suspicion that it seems as though I’m begrudgingly choosing to attend his convocation. That is absolutely not the case! I want to celebrate this young man. I love him very much and have been through the ups and downs of life with him for the last six and a half years.

What it comes down to is sacrifice. Parents make sacrifices every single day for their kids. Some are teeny and can be made without thought, others are big and take a great deal of maturity to make.
I’m not his mom, but I am a mom. I can put my sacred day on the back burner to celebrate his achievement. I do it with honest intent, not because I “have to”.
I have never considered missing Thing C’s college graduation. I will be there no matter what. Because that’s what you do. That’s how you’re supposed to behave.
But that doesn’t mean I like the way it feels.

That’s been the tricky part.
Feeling like it’s OK to be conflicted. I don’t feel like I can talk about it too much because I don’t want to be hurtful. I would never ever hurt Thing C’s feelings!

Perhaps I place entirely too much importance on birthdays. Especially when I’ve had so many. Am I just that selfish? I’m not above considering that. Am I selfish that I want tomorrow to be all about me? Is that a bad thing? Even though I want it to be all about me, I’m celebrating graduation. Does that mean I’m not selfish?
I guess it doesn’t really matter.
I’ll be forty five tomorrow.
Thing C will graduate from college tomorrow.
I’ll end up being happy about and celebrating both.

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