Posts Tagged With: horoscope

when I’m Queen of the World

Taurus horoscope:
A certain person or situation is not as “perfect” as you would like it to be. In an ideal world, things would be quite different. In an ideal world, the accessories of your life -including the people in it and the situations that exist within it – would be entirely different. There would be no trouble. There would be no conflict. Everything would be a mirror image of your imagined ideal life. If that actually happened though, Taurus, you would find it dull. What you really need to do is to revel in the imperfection that is your life. Enjoy it. Appreciate it. That is the key to a happier existence.

YBW likes to tease me about my love of reading and finding meaning in my horoscope. It’s OK though, it doesn’t bother me. I really do love to read it and see if and or how it’s applicable, but I don’t let it rule my life.
But this one…this one kicked me right in my uptight-control-freak ass.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said: When I’m Queen of the World… or When I run the World…
I like things the way I like them and I have no shame. I can see so clearly how it ‘could’ be and quite possibly ‘should’ be.
This is not to say that I truly think I know what’s best for everyone. I just know how I’d like it to be for me. If I could make it so then I would like it most.

But as my horoscope so helpfully points out, I might be bored out of my skull if every thing was exactly the way I imagined I’d like it.

When Thing 1 and I talked about the swelling in my brain I teased her about how I’d been telling her and Thing 2 for many years that I was going to try to less uptight, that I was going to attempt to be less of a control freak and this situation was actually forcing me into doing that.
She expressed her humor and pleasure that this scary medical condition had something positive going for it.

So here I am, realizing that I can’t control everything no matter desperately I long to try. Realizing the actions of others don’t really impact me unless I let them. I’m attempting to let the “little things” slide. Things that would have made me frustrated and angry, I’m just shrugging them off. I can’t let those things rule my emotions.

YBW told me last week that I’ve been a “hater” that I’ve spewed a great deal of hate lately. I kind of lost my shit and began to cry. I screeched that I am in pain every single day. I’m miserable every single day. I’m working my ass off at school and home every single day.
I’m acutely aware of how unpleasant it is to be around me! I’m me! I’m miserable and feel horrible. I have raging pain most days and dull, residual pain every single day. I knew the meds weren’t working and I knew I was suffering from the side effects. I saw the neurologist and she changed my meds. I have to wean off one but can start the new one in the process. The meds for acute pain wasn’t helping so that was changed to one that we know works.
I don’t know if it’s psychosomatic, but the first morning after the new meds I woke up feeling better for the first time in weeks.

I can’t control any of this medical stuff and it has negatively impacted every aspect of my life for the past two months.
Would I like to create a “perfect” situation from this hot mess? Absolutely.
Would I find it dull? Absolutely not.
Can I change it? Nope.
Am I going to fret about it? I’m working my ass off to not.

I’m focusing on the benefits of these new meds. I’m focusing on healing my brain. I’m focusing on the time I have with my little three and four year olds. I’m focusing on the excitement surrounding our wedding. I’m surrounded by love.
And it really ‘could’ be the key to a happier existence.

Advertisements
Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

normal = positive…who knew?

Taurus horoscope for Jul 4 2014
You have found a new path to controlling and uplifting your emotions. It is evident to those around you who know you well, and it is a joyful sign. Now that you are beginning to feel transcendent above the difficulties, you are feeling more powerful too – because you have empowered yourself through optimism. You can expect many things in your life that were formerly challenging to become much easier. And since your spirit is lighter and you are more yourself, you will find that wonderful people and circumstances will gravitate to you.

Interestingly enough, I have experienced these feelings in the last week or so…by shedding the veil of grief I began to feel ‘normal’ but it’s more than that.
I do feel uplifted and powerful…and strangely optimistic.
I already have wonderful people around me so perhaps the circumstances will follow.

Normal = positive.
Who knew?

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

becoming my very best self

Taurus horoscope for December 29, 2013
You are evolving, Taurus. You are beginning to blossom into your very best self. You have experienced a lot of lessons recently, and you have learned them well. Now it is time to transcend who you were, and become who you really are. You will be able to forget the past, and to let go of any mistakes or wrongs you still feel guilty about. Don’t fight it. Don’t let guilt drag you down. Let go and move forward. Allow yourself to evolve and to become the best you that you can be.
(Yeah, I’ve been trying to write this for more than a few days.)

After the chaos of 2013 I’m ready to become the best me that I can be.
There are a few circumstantial things in my favor…I’ve found a doctor who is helping make strides to improve my physical and emotional health. I have a safe and loving home and I’m surrounded by good, strong loving people for whom I’m eternally grateful. I have a job that no matter how frustrated and exhausted I feel is ultimately rewarding.
Possibly the most important circumstance is that Thing 2 has come back to me. The ease this brings me is immeasurable. There were several tearful phone conversations which included her saying, ‘not to sound hypocritical, but who wouldn’t want you to be their mommy?’ and ‘I was selfish and stupid.’ and ‘I just need you to help me.’ These conversations also included me saying, ‘I will always help you, baby.’ and ‘that’s why you have a mommy.’ and ‘I love you and will always do my best to keep you safe.’

She’s coming home to us later this week. Sundance and I are over the moon, Girlie Thing is too…YBW seems hesitant. He watched what I went through, but he was also very hurt by her too…I sense he is worried about her but concerned about what it will be like for her to be here. I hate that. I am ready to move on. My forgiveness is vast and all encompassing. This is not to say I have forgotten the way it felt, but I know what’s important, and to me that means healing and moving forward with love and understanding. I believe that’s where he is too, but I can’t seem to shake the fretty feeling.

In addition to these circumstantial things, I’m beginning to feel less as though I’m in survival mode and more as though I’m beginning to be able to govern the events of my life. I’m tired of feeling guilty and angry. I’m ready to let all that go and embrace peace. It’s funny, I’m sensing a “new year’s” sort of theme…I’m not the resolution kind of girl, but I’m feeling inclined to welcome change. Something’s got to give. I can’t keep going the way I was.

I got a brand new do yesterday and the metaphorical weight I lost with that cutting of hair was more freeing than I could have imagined…not to mention it’s pretty adorable.
I am revisiting that Robynbird as phoenix-like feeling…and making big plans as I move into 2014…(But not really resolutions.)
This morning I read an article posted on facebook by a guy I grew up with, about goals vs systems…it made good sense to me…designing and maintaining a system for doing what you want instead of setting goals and holding yourself to an unrealistic standard…it fits nicely into my big plans and I plan to embrace it whole-heartedly.

Though the following are conceptually resolutions, I don’t consider them as such…to me they’re promises I’m making to myself to assist my move from survival mode to my very best self…it feels like less pressure that way…this isn’t something to crow about or to wear like a badge, it runs deeper than that, I am honoring me and don’t really care what it looks like from the outside.

I promise to be more aware of what I put in my body, to be mindful of my physical health and strength.
I promise to get behind my brand new camera once a week.
I promise to write with purpose twice a week.
I promise to give my preschool students the best age appropriate curriculum I can create.
I promise to be truly present with my family.
I promise to devote the time and attention my own school work deserves.
I promise to trust my gut and ignore my logic.
I promise to put myself first without guilt.

No more half-assing my life. I will be the best possible me because it is time. My time. I promise.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

To Write or not to Write and What to Write

#shortstories #thoughts #reflections

The Jane Doe Byline

When it comes to stewed prunes, are three enough or are four too many?

Thinker Boy: Blog & Art

by Troy Headrick

A Teacher's Reflections

Thirty Years of Wonder

Life and Random Thinking

A old dog CAN blog

charles french words reading and writing

An exploration of writing and reading

I am Kat...

My journey through this thing called life....

Self Love Coffee

read. sip. heal.

Hey Mom, Now What?

Real Mom Questions, Real Mom Answers

A Question of Lust

"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Sawblades In Your Walkman

effervescing with muchness

History Tech

History, technology, and probably some other stuff

Tales from the mind of Kristian

Visit the darkest crevices of my mind, dare to tread where many fear to go. You may find something interesting or you may find a mirror to your soul.

Writer of Words, etc

Words, food, thoughts, sports

walkingtheclouds

where the clouds may lead

Meditations in Motion

Running and life: thoughts from a runner who has been around the block

Winter1137's blog

Social anxiety, depression and a cat obsession. The fun never ends.

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

..because the thoughts that fall, kicking and screaming from my head need a safe place to land..

WhyToStop

Seattle Fashion & Lifestyle Blog By Rachna

Finding French Charming

Finding True Love.. Even After Forty

The Nerdy Lion

Lions can wear glasses too

%d bloggers like this: