me

Birdie water is best water, or pros and cons of Baby K living at her own house

Thing 1, Husband N, and Baby K came to have dinner with us yesterday.
After hugs and kisses, the first thing that kid did was grab my water and chug it.
Apparently Birdie water is best water.

This lead to a bit of a joke that I’d make a pro and con list about Baby K living at her own house. Throughout the evening, each of the adults would randomly say “Pro” or “Con” and what began as an off the cuff remark became a reality.
Yep, I made a list.

Let me say this before I share it with y’all, my heart has disappointment that I don’t get to see my grandbaby every single day. But, there is a completely new kind of joy in seeing her.
A perfect example: last night, she and I played a game in which she ‘put me to bed’. She placed a pillow on the floor and gently pushed me and said, “Go to sleep.” When I laid my head on the pillow she squatted down and kissed me. Then I pretended to snore. My signal to wake was her tickling my foot. I giggled dramatically and sat up, saying “You tickled my foot to wake me up!”
She laughed and the game started all over again.
At one point her gentle pushes to get me to lie on the pillow became rough and then she was pushing my on my face. I told her, “I don’t like when you push so hard on my face. I will play with you, but please stop pushing me.”
She stopped and looked at me then went around me to point at the pillow and said, “Go to sleep!”
We had an accord.
A bit later I shifted the way my body was ‘sleeping’. I rolled onto my belly and bent my knees, touching my feet together then I fake snored my ass off.
Apparently me moving my body changed the game because she began walking around me going, “Hmm.”
Then she pulled my feet apart and began to climb up my back starting at my bottom. She did this several times, ‘falling’ off me at different places and in different ways.
Her giggles were off the charts, and she was mad as hell when her mommy told her it was time to go home.

Because I didn’t spend the entire day with her I had so much more energy to really play with her!
That is worth every single minute of us living in two different houses. Well, that and the fact that the drive is now forty-five minutes instead of eleven hours.

Here’s my pro and con list.
PROS
things that can be left out and remain safe:
drinks
remotes
reading glasses
pens
notebooks
bookmarks remain in books
(for the most part) everything remains tidy
reading more
doing less laundry
lack of flying food and dishes
folded laundry remains folded
more energy for play

CONS
not hearing toddler feet running down the hall
lack of random hugs and kisses
not having legit excuse for watching a shit-ton of Disney
hearing her say, “Papa”
watching YBW’s face when she says, “Papa”
not playing
not reading to her
not rocking with her before bed
not snuggling
not hearing new words as they come
not watching new skills as they develop
she has to leave to go home
I have to leave to go home

Truth be told, there is more good, more joy, and more opportunity for a new and different sort of closeness because my daughter and her family live in their own house, but I sure do miss receiving random kisses throughout my days.

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adapting here and adapting there

Thing 1, Husband N, Baby K, and their two dogs officially began living in their new house April first. (no foolin’)
YBW took the day off work. We loaded up four vehicles with the last of their things, and off we went.

Baby K has a big girl bed with the most amazing (to her) Moana duvet cover! She’s so tiny in that full size bed, but it’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.
In the few days they’ve been there, Thing 1 and Husband N are getting settled in their room, and setting up work space for Husband N who only goes into the office two days a week.
Thing 1 built a kitchen table and chairs and a small storage island too.

After being at the house, YBW and I went out Easter Sunday for a visit.
Baby K came out of her house squealing and shouting, PAPA! BEEEE! (for Birdie) and running to hug us. That did YBW’s heart good, he’s missed his little granddaughter.

That girl had such fun hunting for eggs for the first time out in her brand new yard.

Her mommy found eggs big enough to hold Bluey characters, Moana and Frozen stickers, and even toddler-safe nail polish

color: Berry Sweet

It was so beautiful outside, we just had to sit on the porch and check out her loot! She’s holding her Bluey and singing to her.

After her egg hunt, she sat snuggled in her Papa’s lap before letting him take her to bed for her nap.
They’re coming to our house Wednesday afternoon and staying for dinner. If y’all could have seen the grin on my husband’s face!

My Momma heart is chock full of joy for my girl setting up her home.
I honestly think unpacking and getting settled is harder and more stressful than actually moving all your things. They’re making it work. Husband N goes through a space and cleans it well before Thing 1 begins to unpack. They’re working together to create their home in that precious little house.
My Birdie heart is chock full of joy that my grandbaby is so excited to see me that she runs into my arms when I arrive at her new house.

I thought I would feel so sad when they moved. I don’t really.
I mean, I miss seeing them every day, but I know they’re just a forty-five minute drive away. And when I see them in their new space, creating a home that works for them, I feel pride and joy.
When I’m home and I don’t hear a little voice saying, “Papa!” as she runs down the hall, I’m not sad like I expected, I’m grateful we had that time. Of course, when I’ve got a drink on the table and she doesn’t come over and snag it and chug it down as fast as she can then run away, I’m super happy she’s at her house.

We’re adapting here.
They’re adapting there.
It is as it is.
It is as is should be.
And I am content in my grateful life.

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would you rather – partie treize

have a bottomless box of Legos or a bottomless gas tank
Bottomless gas tank.
Oh the place’s I’ll go…

have unlimited sushi for life or unlimited tacos for life

go back to age 5 with everything you know now or know now everything your future self will learn
I’m not sure five year old anyone is capable of managing the emotional weight of knowing what adult them knows. I’m choosing knowing now what future me will know.

see what was behind every closed door or be able to guess the combination of every safe on the first try
While it sounds kind of cool, in reality, how much access do or will I have to random safes? But I come across doors every day of my life. I choose doors.

have all your clothes fit perfectly or have the most comfortable pillow, blankets, and sheets in existence
Perfectly fitted clothes all day every day.

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would you rather – partie douze

not be able to stop dancing or not stop singing
Not stop singing…?
This one borders on ridiculous. Why do I do this to myself?

have skin that changes color based on your emotions or tattoos appear all over your body depicting what you did yesterday
Color changing skin. Honestly, how cool would that be?

only be able to jump everywhere you go or only be able to walk on your hands
I think either of these would become tedious after a while, but I’m going to say jump. I don’t think I’d like to be upside down all the damn time.

be able to teleport anywhere or be able to read minds
T E L E P O R T!

have a completely automated home or a self-driving car
I choose automated home all day, baby.

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would you rather – partie onze

be forced to dance every time you heard music or be forced to sing along to any song you heard
I feel like I do both of these already…I guess the difference is it happening organically, or by force…?
I think I’ll choose dance because I don’t always know the words to every song I hear.

not shower for a week or not brush your teeth for a week
Not shower.
My teeth gotta be clean, yo.

lose the ability to hear or lose the ability to walk
Hear…?
Of course I can hear the train whistle as I’m writing this.
Actually, I’m going to choose lose the ability to walk. I can still get around other ways.

eat your favorite meal for every meal for the rest of your life or never be able to eat your favorite meal again
Never eat my favorite meal again.
I could cherry-pick bits and pieces from my favorite meal and put them into others.

have to read aloud every word you read or sing everything you say out loud
I feel like I should choose read aloud the words I read, but I’m going to choose sing everything I say.
Why?
I don’t actually know, but I’m trusting my gut on this one.

What would y’all rather?

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art is not created in a vacuum

I’ve always been open about my love for all things Joss Whedon, though I’ve never been clear that I love the art more than the creator.
Over the years we’ve learned that Joss is notoriously difficult to work with. He is obstinate and demanding. Obsessive and overbearing.
Kai Cole, who was married to Joss for nearly twenty years wrote that he is a “hypocrite preaching feminist ideals

Last week Charisma Carpenter took to her social media to discuss her experience as a member of the Buffyverse.
(this is the post from her Instagram account)

She stated she felt compelled to share her story after Ray Fisher discussed his experience with Joss on the set of Justice League.
Since Charisma’s post, actors, writers, and producers from Whedon lead vehicles are speaking out in support.
I’m seeing words like:
Unprofessional.
Hostile.
Cruel.
Abusive.
Toxic.

Jose Molina who worked as a writer on Firefly said Joss bragged about making female writers cry. That he thought being mean was funny.
Michelle Trachtenberg stated Joss wasn’t allowed to be alone with her on the set of Buffy. She didn’t go into any further details, but know that she was fifteen years old when she started on that show in 2000.

So it seems to me it isn’t just that Joss Whedon is difficult to work with, he’s a shit human.
That doesn’t mean I don’t love his art any less.
Buffy and Angel. Dollhouse and Firefly. The Avengers (not created by, but brought to life in the MCU as director)
These are truly some of my favorite characters. Some of my favorite stories.

Once again I find myself wondering if a shit human and their art can be separated?

I say once again because I asked this question in 2017 when Kevin Spacey became persona non grata when all his horrible deeds came to light. Not only was he accused of sexual misconduct, but also creating toxic work environments.
His behavior is abhorrent.
He’s also a pretty shit human.
But his talent though. The art he created is beautiful.

I’m not the only one thinking about this. I read quite a bit about separating art from the artist when I set out to write this post.
I read articles the New York Times to the Guardian. From the BBC to reddit.
Here are a couple I especially liked.
For WBUR Boston’s the ARTery, Maria Garcia wrote: “Art does not exist in its own altruistic, alternate universe. It’s part of the world — and the patriarchy.”
Constance Grady wrote this tagline for her Vox article: “I don’t know what to do with good art by predatory artists. So I asked some literary critics.”

Nora texted me “Joss Whedon is gross” early Friday morning.
I shared with her I was trying to write this post. I mentioned Spacey. I asked: Can you separate individuals from their art/talent?
She sent this reply

She’s right, y’all. How much of what we’ve read or seen or heard was created by shit humans?
Does knowing something was created by a shit human change our opinion?
Should it?
Should it not?

We are all human. We are all flawed.
But I truly believe we’d be worse off without art.

I can’t ignore the fact Buffy and Firefly were created by a shit human.
But it doesn’t make me love them any less.
I’m not sure how to feel about that.

Artists do not exist in a vacuum.
Art is not created in a vacuum.

Can the art and artist exist separately?
Can the art be appreciated for the art it is?
Can the art remain unsullied by the reputation of it’s creator?

Please share your thoughts.

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the power of that pause

I honestly can’t remember where I found this pic of these words, nor do I know who wrote (or said) them.
But I can remember that it stopped me in my tracks.
I feel the power in these words in my gut.

I am either hyperverbal or silent as the grave.
There isn’t much in between.

When I’m hyperverbal it’s because I’m feeling unsettled and desperate to make sure I’m heard. This comes from a lifetime of being dismissed. When I’m hyperverbal, I’m trying to engage (another) in discussion. It can become more like beating a dead horse than actual conversation. I realize that’s because I feel like I’m not getting anywhere. I feel like the conversation goes round and round in circles and never comes to a conclusion. I also realize that my hyperverbality is a major contributor to the circular conversation situation.
But sometimes being hyperverbal can help me sort my thoughts. Especially when I’m unsettled and desperate to make sure I hear myself. I’m notorious for talking aloud when I’m all alone. This is the Roby version of helpful/positive hyperverbality.

When I’m quiet it’s because I’m actively choosing to disconnect from others, but mostly to disconnect from my own words. When I’m quiet it’s because to verbalize feels overwhelming. This also comes from a lifetime of being dismissed. When I’m silent as the grave it can be a good thing, a bit of a reset for my brain, for my central nervous system. For the ears of the people I’m near.

So when I read these words I understand their power down deep in me.
Because, sure, I’m both sides of the same weird (verbal/silent) coin. But also because I spend a great deal of time itching to spit out my words.
You know why. (I mean, if you didn’t already know, I did just tell you…)

But what if I didn’t feel the need to barf up my words as quickly as Robynly possible?
What might that be like?
It might be as simple as a pause.
Pausing to breathe.
Pausing to listen.
Pausing to absorb.

Let us avoid hurrying to verbalize.
I wonder how many of us need to heed these words?
More than will admit it, I suspect.
Consider the power of that pause.

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would you rather – dixième partie

be able to see 10 minutes into your own future or 10 minutes into the future of anyone but yourself
I fear, like Cassandra, my words would fall upon deaf ears if I spoke of other people’s futures. And that would be more painful to me than knowing what was coming my way. So, I choose being able to see into my own future.

be the absolute ruler in a tiny country or an important politician among many other important politicians in a large powerful country

(a picture’s worth a thousand words)

ask for help or figure it out yourself
While I’m much more of a do it myself kind of girl, I’m not above asking for help.
TBPH, it depends on the situation and who I’m asking.
But for the sake of this would you rather, I choose figure it out myself.

have unlimited international first-class tickets or never have to pay for food at restaurants
In concept, I’m all about unlimited first-class tickets. But…would I have the time, the resources, the traveling companion to jet off as I’d like?
Not paying for restaurant food opens never ending dining opportunities the likes of which I can barely imagine. How many times a week would I eat lunch from Nando’s, or grab a berry lemonade at Mod Pizza, or have a Duck Donut on the way to the grocery store? To how many restaurants could I take my food loving husband?
I think I’m going to go with food on this one.

be able to dodge anything no matter how fast it’s moving or be able to ask any three questions and have them answered accurately
Being Neo could have it’s advantages, but I’m not often in a situation in which I need to dodge things.
And one of my three wishes is to have my questions answered with truths, so I choose three questions answered accurately.

Your turn…
What would y’all rather?

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the power of a to-don’t list

Do y’all know about I Weigh?
Founded by Jameela Jamil in March of 2018.
Mission statement: “I WEIGH CONNECTS, EMPOWERS AND AMPLIFIES DIVERSE VOICES IN AN ACCESSIBLE WAY”
Check ’em out.

Anyway…
I love I Weigh’s insta, and this post spoke right to me.

I’ve been so tired in the last couple of weeks.
Feeling trod down and worn slap out.
And I realized I’ve been doing some of the things on this list without even realizing.
Especially numbers three four and five, but also numbers six and eight too.
Actually the only thing on this list I haven’t done is number 7.

I sometimes forget I can create a don’t do it list just as easily as I create my myriad do it lists.
I suspect we all forget that from time to time.
I also suspect it’s mostly women who forget.
Though, I don’t see why men couldn’t too.

Think about how you spend your days.
Think about your life.
Are your lists chock full of things you do that aren’t what’s best for you?
Are your lists balanced to keep you in a healthy place?
Do you have the luxury of having list that are all do’s and no don’ts?

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would you rather – neuvième partie

have all traffic lights you approach be green or never have to stand in line again
Red lights are an acceptable wait time, and I despise standing in line. Without doubt I choose never queuing up again!

have telepathy or telekinesis
My intuition is strong. My ability to read others is well defined. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t want to know every thought every person has every moment they have it.
Mastering telekinesis could be great fun!

have whatever you think appear above your head for everyone to see or have everything you do live streamed for anyone to see
I’d rather not advertise my thoughts, but I’m a pretty awkward individual, so do I want everything I do to live stream for anyone to watch? Though, people may not watch me, but anyone I actually interact with would see my thoughts.
Is there a clear winner here? I think not.
I’m going to have to go with live streaming my life and hope nobody watches, because sometimes what I think isn’t fit for human consumption.

know everything or be amazing at any activity you tried
All! The! Knowledge!

be an amazing dancer or an amazing singer
When I was a little girl I wanted desperately to be a Prima Ballerina. Alas, I’ve two left feet as it were…
I was trained as a singer in both church and school choirs. Without practice that skill faded, but not entirely. I sing well enough as it stands.
So I’m going to pick amazing dancer to fulfill my childhood dream. I can still sing at an average level in my spare time.

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