Author Archives: robynbird

About robynbird

I've been a writer since I could hold a pencil in my hand. I'm learning new and wonderful things about myself through my writing and realized it isn't enough just to write it down, I need to share it. What I have to say may not be Earth shattering, but it is filled with love and I hope it moves those who read it.

a tune for Tuesday vol 28

Here’s another song YBW turned me on to.

“And don’t I know you?
Honey, don’t I know you?
Honey, don’t I know you?”

Y’all! I absolutely adore it!
Check out New Birth in New England by Phosphorescent.

Please listen responsibly.

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Categories: music | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

a tune for Tuesday vol 27

I find this dark, fucked up song catchy as hell.
This particular line sucked me in.
I wouldn’t hesitate to smile while you suffocate and die

Here’s Choke by I Don’t Know How But They Found Me

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

salty or empowered, the shift in me

So I was exposed to the former husband while at Thing 1’s for the baby shower.
Thing 1 said, “Momma. The salty was coming off of you in waves.”
I was horrified!
I was not salty with purpose. I was there to celebrate my baby having a baby. It wasn’t about me. It was all about Thing 1. (and Husband N and Baby K)

Thing 2 says, “Oh that’s just (dad) trying to stay relevant.”
Thing 1 says, “He just wants to remind people he’s there.”

Like most narcissists, he resides in a world created by his compulsive need for adoration. When he feels threatened in any way, he tends to back pedal, blame, or talk mad shit about his perceived attacker.
Most of us simply go along with his behavior to avoid potential ugliness. Life really is so much simpler that way.

Only I was consciously different last weekend in that I simply did not engage his behavior.
I did not engage in his attempt to hug me.
I did not engage his attempt to draw me into ‘inside jokes’ or his telling of stories.
I corrected him when he falsified events with embellishments.
I was respectful and polite, but I did not behave as though we have any special knowledge of each other.
Apparently the former husband was feeling the salt because he brought it up to Husband N who directed him to discuss his concerns with me.
That will never happen. He will talk mad shit about me to anyone that listens, but he won’t have a frank discussion with me about anything.
Interestingly, he talks the maddest shit about me to our daughters. What he chooses not to realize is that they tell me what he says about me.

While we were there, he said two particular things to me that rubbed me the wrong way. But instead of engaging him, I simply responded with honesty.
When Thing 1 walked out of the room, his eyes followed her then he turned to me and said, “You did a wonderful job.” I looked up, smiled, and replied, “I sure did.”
I worked my ass off to be the best possible mother to my daughters. I know I did a good job. I know my girls are good humans. I don’t need his approval.
Much later on, he said to me, “I’m glad you’re going to be with her for the birth.”
I literally had no words with which to respond, so I just nodded.

These things may seem benign to the casual observer, however in the comment about being with Thing 1 while Baby K is born, he’s essentially giving me permission to mother my own child.

It may sound as though I’m over here like, ‘let’s talk mad shit about the ex’. But in reality, it comes from a desire to express the shift in me.
I made an entirely conscious decision to change my behavior around him.
I chose not to engage in his performance.
I kept my focus on myself, on my daughter, on the celebration.
For the first time in over thirty years, I set clear boundaries.
I was not fearful, did not walk on eggshells.
I was empowered to simply be myself.

I’m going to say that again.
I was empowered to simply be myself.
My true self.
The me that trusts what she knows.
The me that loves fiercely and without fear.

I did not engage him.
There was push back. Husband N got it the same day.
I suspect there will be further push back, my girls will get it in mad shit talk about me.
I don’t care.
Husband N has no fucks to give when it comes to his wife’s father.
Thing 1 and Thing 2 know what’s up. I hate their dad uses them that way, but I can’t solve that problem for them.

I will always be polite and treat him with respect because I love my daughters and that’s the behavior they deserve to witness. They also deserve to witness a woman with strength and dignity. A woman who loves and lives passionately without fear.
I deserve to be that woman.

I will never again accept any one else’s version of who I am.
I am my own version of me.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 26

I’m currently loving Longshot by Catfish and the Bottlemen

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

mighty fine shindig

I brought gifts to a party I attended Saturday.


Craft paper and twine are about as gender neutral as I could get. However, I did use pink hearts for the tags I wrote. Baby K got clothes (including Nats gear, gotta get her started early), socks, and blankies. Thing 1 and Husband N got a car seat and stroller frame for it to snap into.

Husband N’s darling cousin knew Thing 1 couldn’t be properly celebrated without that perfect flower crown. And y’all, my girl was all about it!

Y’all! She is So! Stinking! Cute!

There was concern about how successful the celebration would be as time seemed to get away from the party planners. But I’m overjoyed to say that Thing 1 was celebrated like a princess and had a lovely time at her party!
She hates to be the center of attention and dreaded the opening of gifts. And after a crib, car seat, and about a billion precious blankets, clothes and lovies later, she was relieved it was over, but did enjoy the process more than expected!

We tie dyed bibs and onesies for Baby K.
If I wasn’t the only one photographing the party, I would have never left this station. I absolutely love to tie dye!

Thing 1 did a little henna tattooing.

It was an exhausting day in the best possible way!
I was impressed to see how hard Husband N worked to celebrate his wife and their daughter.
I was overjoyed at the love coming at them.
My girl deserves to be pampered and celebrated like a princess. She’s doing the hard work of growing a human.
I see her.
She’s strong and healthy and beautiful in her pregnancy. She’s content and joyful in her life.
She’s ready.
I am overflowing with love and joy for her!

Categories: love | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 25

I love every single thing about this song.
Check out Come Along by Cosmo Sheldrake.

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , , | 3 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 24

YBW and I were in the car Sunday afternoon. I remarked I didn’t have a song for my tune for Tuesday this week, and how that’s strange because I tend to plan them. I asked if he had an idea for a song and he presented me with this.
He told me he wasn’t sure I would like it, that it’s not really my sort of music.
I told him it sounded like 1970s funk (which is what I like about it) mixed with a little bit of Beastie Boys.
We laughed at the analogy, but I’m not wrong.
The more I listen, the more inclined I am to enjoy it.

Here’s YBW’s pick for this Tuesday’s tune, Parquet Courts with Wide Awake.

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment

‘laugh it off’ or expect respect

Thing 1 posted this yesterday on social media.
She was feeling sad.

Rude old man in Lowe’s said I looked like I swallowed a watermelon seed then proceeded to laugh his butt off like it was the funniest thing ever said and block my way so I couldn’t get past him. 😭

Of course this got a lot of angry or frustrated responses: middle finger emojis (this may or may not have been mine), angry faces, one hilarious gif of Madea giving the side eye.

My Momma-hackles were up. I was flooded with the overwhelming desire to stab that “rude old man” with my icepick! Leave my kid alone, fuckface. (I know, it sounds like a word I learned in 6th grade, because I did …but just work with me on this.)

This morning I woke to a comment to which I reacted with all the feels.

Well, try to laugh it off. It’s such a limited time in your life and that watermelon is a blessing!

The person who wrote this comment loves my first daughter nearly as much as I do. They share a sacred place in each other’s hearts and lives. I know she was trying to put a positive spin on an incident that upset Thing 1. She was doing what she thought was right. And I love her dearly for it. Helping my baby see that she might be able to just shrug it off and live in a place that is filled to the brim with the blessing of Baby K. And she’s right! That man knows nothing about how or why or what Thing 1 does to live her life. And who cares what he thinks? Thing 1 just needs to keep livin’ man. L-I-V-I-N.

Only, the more I considered her kindness, I considered how women around the world have been conditioned to behave, to accept the behavior of others…
And then my hackles went absolutely haywire.
I responded to the comment in what I hope is a kind and respectful way.

I understand your heart is in the right place in this comment, I know you speak from a place of love. You’re right, this baby is a blessing.
However, my concern is, taking this stance simply perpetuates disrespect towards women everywhere. That man doesn’t know just how much of a blessing this baby is. He amused himself at the expense of a young pregnant woman. At. Her. Expense.
We should never laugh this off.

I’m actually having both sides of this conversation in my head as write this post.
Was that man attempting to be friendly and not super successful, or was he a misogynistic asshole?
I have actually used that swallowed a watermelon line in my life. But never to a stranger.
Part of me agrees that Thing 1 should just “ignore the mean boy” and go on about her life.
But as I argue both sides of this issue I realize how wrong the whole fucking thing actually is!
There is nothing OK about one entire side of this conversation!
I would NEVER let my daughters behave that way, speak that way to or about someone! Would it be different if I had sons? Would I be a bit more, “boys will be boys”?
Um. FUCK to the NO!!

I’ve moved so far beyond the compulsion to protect my child.
I’m talking basic human respect.
This is our world, y’all!
How can this be OK?

Look, I’m not some mad feminist over here beating my bare breasts while burning my bra. I’m just a regular sort of (fully clothed) woman writing about what I see and feel.
My pregnant daughter should never have to be expected to “laugh it off”! She should never be exposed to that kind of random disrespect and borderline abuse!
Nobody’s daughter should!
Nobody’s son, for that matter!

Y’all! I am fired up about this! Am I overreacting? Am I justified?
I want to know what you think.
Ladies and Gents, do we simply ‘laugh it off’, or do we do everything in our power to treat other people with basic human decency?
I want to hear what you have to say on either side of this conversation.
Please and thank you!

Categories: me, on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 23

The first time I heard this song I was mildly interested but switched back to the Broadway channel before it was finished.
The second time I heard this song I listened longer.
The third time I heard this song I realized I kind of liked it.
The fourth time I heard this song I turned it up.

Clearly it needed to grow on me. Perhaps that won’t happen to you.
Here’s Matt Maeson with Cringe.

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , | 3 Comments

a long week

This week has been long.
And I mean the kind of long that bites at your soul with a putrid maw full of razor sharp teeth.

One of my colleagues and her family are experiencing horrors no one should have to live through. Their four moth old daughter became inexplicably sick. At the hospital, she went brain dead without warning or reason. She continued breathing on her own, but that only lasted for a precious few hours. She has left us now.
Pain and sorrow are palpable in the school building. You can see it written plainly on the faces of all the adults. There is nothing to say or do to bring their family comfort. All we can do is love them.
We will rally around each other with love and peace, and hope for better days.

But, we are also experiencing joy!
Another colleague just gave birth this week to a precious little girl. Another has a baby is due then end of the month. Another was named Teacher of the Year.

We are a school family.
We look after one another through joys and sorrows. We give each other the high sign when we know it’s about to go sideways with the kids. We celebrate each other’s joys! We have each other’s back when we struggle. We love, and weep, and pray together.
That’s what you do when you’re a family.

This was a long week.
We need a break.
Thank you, Friday for showing up in the nick of time.

Categories: death, loss, love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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