Posts Tagged With: new home

a great break

I spent my Spring Break visiting Thing 1 and husband N in their new (to them) home! I enjoyed being in a new role with my daughter. Being on her turf. Though she was quick to utilize my mad organizational skills to help her finish getting settled.
With all sincerity, we enjoyed being together in this new way. Our love was deep and wide and so pure. Even though the drive was a bite in my ass, I’m so pleased I went and shared that time with her.

At the county plant farm I was amazed to find affordably priced plants of top quality. So many herbs I couldn’t even choose! Trees priced for real people, with real incomes. I was awed by the plant life and garden supplies. One trip just isn’t enough.
Thing 1 went home with this gorgeous hanging basket fuchsia.

My mobile carrier has no towers in this particular part of Georgia, so I spent the week with spotty cell signal. And you know what? It was kind of cool to be disconnected! I did speak with YBW every couple days just to touch base.
What I found myself missing was baseball. (natch) But to my delight, I was able to take in a T ball game while I was there. Husband N’s little cousin plays in the county rec league for the Yankees. So Thing 1 and I went to watch that sweet little dude play ball.
I loved this sign reminding us to pay attention.

As much HGTV as I watch, you’d think I’d know how sugar molds are huge in home decor right now. Yet I found myself surprised to discover sugar molds at Corner Market Trading Company. This little shop run by these precious people made me oh so happy!
Thing 1, Husband N, and I were as kids in a candy shop in this place! I found several things I’d like to have at home, but what I actually ended up purchasing was a sugar mold. In addition to it being painted the perfect Robynbird color, it reminded me of our honeymoon in Barbados visiting the sugar plantations. I simply couldn’t leave without it.
Wanna see what I did with it?
Yeah, I knew you would!

I debated between making the sugar mold a home for these gel pens or my amazing colored pencils. In the end, the gel pens won out because I couldn’t bear to mix up the ordered perfection of the colored pencils in their metal box.
YBW walked by my desk and chuckled, “You put them in color order.”
Well duh!
Then he patted my bottom when he passed me and said, “Of course you did.”
I could hear the smile in his voice.

I had a great Spring Break!
Spent time with my girl and her sweet husband.
Got to see gorgeous plants.
Went to a ball game.
Did a little shopping.
Bought a super stylish (and meaningful) way to sort my ever growing collection of pens.
And I got home in time to go to see the Nats beat the Phillies!
I forgot being on a school schedule is the absolute best!

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Categories: on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

hearth-fires and holocausts

Thing 2 is here!
It’s been really positive and she’s enthusiastic about starting over. She decided she was ready to go back to proper brick and mortar high school. (This was a difficult choice for her as she has to be a junior again instead of being a senior. But she made it and she’s feeling strongly about it.)
We went back to school clothes shopping and got everything she needed from skivvies to sweaters. Shopping is interesting with Thing 2, I always learn something new about her and we have hilarious dressing room conversations!
She got a job today and a brand new do. Things are certainly going her way.
We go tomorrow to register her for classes. She’s picked out what she’s going to wear and has a notebook and pens in her new school bags.
It has been VERY positive. I overheard her tell someone she was so glad she was here and it was a good choice.

And then…
She just came downstairs with tears in her eyes and told me she was going to bed. I asked if she was OK and she just shook her head. I asked if I could help and she shook her head. She headed back up the steps and I asked if she needed to talk about it. She called back, “It won’t help.”

My initial inclination is to rush to her and work my ass off to make it better for her. But something strange is happening. It occurred to me that she needed to feel whatever it is she’s feeling. She needs to mourn the loss of her friends. She needs to shed that old layer in order to feel at home in her new environment.
She can cope with sadness. She can cope with feeling stressed about all the change. She can even cope, albeit not really well, with the anxiety of starting a new school.
It is extremely difficult for me to “sit this one out”, but I can’t fix this for her, I can only be available when she needs me.

She’s anxious about meeting people. “Cool people, not because they’re popular, but because they look like cool people I’d like to hang out with.”
She’s a bit of a hipster, that Thing 2 of mine. She wants to hang out with quirky people like her, but not end up in social Siberia. She doesn’t want to be popular, she wants to be real. She likes to play D & D. She likes eclectic music. She’s got a sassy personal fashion style. She wants to be engaged while functioning through her own special brand of awkward.

I want to go up and get all snuggly in her bed with her and feel as though I’m helping her feel better. I think that’s about me.
I trust her to sort it.
On the other hand, she’s been left to sort it for the last year all by herself.
So, I can offer love. I can listen. I can encourage.

When I think of my baby, I am reminded of Jimmy Stewart’s beautiful words in The Philadelphia Story: “You’re lit from within. You’ve got fires banked down in you, hearth-fires and holocausts. You’re made out of flesh and blood. That’s the blank, unholy surprise of it. You’re the golden girl. Full of life and warmth and delight.
I believe there is a part of her that realizes this about herself.
I aim to make sure of that.

Categories: love, on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

a hole in the ground creates home for something

I dragged YBW out to my dad’s house Sunday to dig up tons of plants and bring them home to our yard. Forsythia, mock orange, lilac, weigela, sweet shrub, and a deep garnet red peony came home in two vehicles. The forsythia and lilac originally came from my yard when I lived here long ago, the sweet shrub from Grandaddy’s where I grew up, the weigela from yard at Great Grandma’s house. So in addition to having all these new wonderful plants for our yard, there are special and important family connections.

I’m so excited to get these into the ground here, this home I share with YBW is his, was his home with the Things’ mother, though I’ve been welcomed into it, and things have and are changing to make it YBW and Robynbird’s home it will be wonderful to feel as though I’m connected to the plant life here.

We walked a goodly amount of the three acres in the warm sunshine with three big Boxers following us wherever we went, stopping to dig when we found what we were looking for. I’m quite gifted with a shovel and together we able to gather up just the right amount of plant and root to give them the best chance transplanting at this time of year.

After all was said and done and we had the back of my car and my dad’s pick up loaded, YBW and I were walking back up to the house so we could gather our things to go home and I hugged him and said, “you didn’t know what you were getting into, did you?”
To which he replied, “Baby, when I decided to marry you, I knew what I was getting into.”
I giggled and kept walking…I believe him, you know? I believe he is absolutely prepared for whatever life with me brings.

What it brought this weekend was an enormous load of plant life waiting in our back yard to be put into the ground in its new home.

plants from Daddie's

What it brings in the future…well, we’ll just have to see about that.
I know we’re both ready.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

settling in

Well, I’ve been at home with YBW for nine days…in the first two days I landed a cold, he so kindly shared his germs with not only me, but his own two Things. My Thing 2 was miraculously untouched by these icky germs. (If you knew her and her immune system this would be ubershocking.) 

The fact we were all sick kind of put a damper on the fun we had planned before his two Things went back to their mom’s, and also cut into our special YBW, Robynbird, and Thing 2 time.
So the last nine days have been less productive (oh how this frustrates me) than hoped, also less “normal”. But we’re all finally beginning to feel human again…except Thing 2 finally succumbed to the icky germs yesterday. (DAMMIT!)

I finally began to open boxes of books and began to breathe. What is it that makes me feel so strongly about those books? I have no idea, but I can tell you how happy I was to unpack, stack and shelve them! Thing 2, with her uncanny timing, wandered in just in time to read about her boyfriend’s birthday in the Birthday book and their compatibility in the Relationship book.

a few stacks waiting to be shelved

a few stacks waiting to be shelved

a few yet to be unpacked

a few boxes yet to be unpacked

Thing 2 is "helping"

Thing 2 is “helping”

The bookshelf is no longer naked and my books can breathe again…
Recovering diningroom chairs and unpacking kitchen items are up next. The kitchen will be a curious event…

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

But where are the feels?

Everyone keeps asking if I’m “so excited”. Of course, I say I am but I’m sitting here this morning and I’m feeling pretty much anything but excited.
This morning I’m pouting because (I am not really a grown up) I can’t swing a visit with my friend and mentor before I leave next week.
I’m pouting, but I don’t feel petulant, I’m sad, I’m disappointed. My heart is heavy. But I had to make a responsible choice…a responsible financial choice. (Huh! Maybe I really am a grown up after all.)

I don’t feel excited. I don’t feel anything. (Well, obviously I feel pouty, I just said that.) But I want to feel excited! I want to be jumping up and down “pants peeing” excited!!
Am I so displaced at the moment I just can’t feel anything?
OR (this just occurred to me as I’m writing) is it that I’m suppressing my feelings, good and bad, so as not become overwhelmed by them? This actually seems more like me…so I’m not excited because I’m not feeling grief for the life I’m leaving, sadness at not being with Thing 2, anxiety about having to assimilate into YBW’s life, my new job, and how that might be.
(This is one of those moments I want to “Gibbs-slap” myself.) Instead, I’ll treat myself with kindness and love, and take the time to allow myself to feel all these things so I can begin to feel excited.
OH! WAIT! It’s because I don’t feel safe! I’m not settled! I’m struggling to write, I’m struggling to feel because I’m displaced…to quote Elvis Costello, “a man out of time”. (Except, of course I’m a girl and I’m not really out of time, I’m out of “home”…that song seemed applicable in my head so I went with it.)

And why am I judging how I “should” be feeling? Why don’t I just accept how it is?
I’m going to have to let myself feel or not feel as is natural!
I’m processing. I’m on the journey. I’m going to let go of the wheel for a split second and let it take me…
(Did I mention I’m a destination girl? The journey makes my ass twitch.)
I’m processing…I’ll feel what I feel when I feel it.
I think I’m excited somewhere in there…I know I’m ready for the next week to hurry up and go so I can get in my car with my precious Thing 2 and go home.
Yall get to come with me.

Categories: loss, love, me, peace and wellbeing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Goodbye. ~ Hello!

hello goodbye

Less than two weeks and I’ll live with YBW!

Thing 2 and I are making plans for the two weeks she’ll spend with us…what to pack for her room there, what we want to do, who we want to see…she wants to see her Aunt Sundance and cousins the mostest. (Me too!!) She wants to go to IKEA with YBW so they can eat in the restaurant and piddle around the store then have ice cream as they leave. (They both love IKEA like crazy.) She wants to have lots of snuggles. (My favorite!!)
I want to kiss YBW, see Sundance, and unpack my books. After that, it’s gravy.

I’m sad to leave my friends here, I’m sad to leave my doctor and our patients…I’m sad I won’t be close to Thing 1 and Thing 2’s daddy anymore.
Moving is hard…moving on is hard too.

Excitement is big though! Not only will I be with my darling YBW, I’ll be “going back to my roots” teaching at a wonderful, emergent curriculum-based preschool only 4 miles from home! Oh how I’m ready to be in a room full of toddlers!

Life will sort itself as I move through the process of saying goodbye to one life and hello to another…I’m going into this adventure with eyes, heart, and arms wide open.
Wish me luck!

Categories: love, me, on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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