Posts Tagged With: birthday

twenty years of muchness

Thing 2 is twenty today!
Twenty years of the muchiest muchness you ever saw!
That girl.
Sometimes she’s the most precious angel. Sometimes she’s the devil incarnate. I suspect that could be said about many girls on the planet, only this one is my girl.

At the Udvar-Hazy there, is a missile with Thing 2’s name on it. Whenever I see it, this is what I think, ‘Thing 2 missile, blowing shit up with sass!’
Because that’s kind of what she does. She just goes around blowing ship up with her sass. I actually love that about her.
She wears a bit of an armor, going around like a bad ass, but she’s got a kindness to her that she keeps close to the chest.
Like Veronica Mars, Thing 2 has a marshmallow center.

We’ve had a tricky time of late. She’s trying to figure out how to be a more grown version of herself. I’m trying to feel connected to her as she develops this new version of herself.
It’s easy to let miles and time create a hole in our relationship. We both do it.
The hole in our relationship doesn’t mean we don’t love each other, but it sure feels icky to have to traverse that hole to connect with each other.

Five years ago, she wrote this:

Truth is: You are the best mom I could ever ask for, even when I’m all messed up-you fix everything! Love you.

I want to be this mom still. Only that ship has sailed. I can’t fix everything for her anymore. I know that. Knowing it and accepting how that feels are two different things. I will always be her Momma. Only in an entirely new and less active way.

Last month she wrote this:

Oftentimes it feels like you’re reaching out to and calling for a Thing 2 that I’m just not anymore. Be it that you want different things for me, or just different things in general. I can’t be “your Thing 2” anymore. I have to be the person that I am, even if that’s still flaky right now.

You will always be my mom and I will always be your daughter. I need you to respect that your role in that isn’t going to be as active as it used to be. That doesn’t mean that I don’t need you, and it’s ridiculous that I don’t want you in my life–I just want you to let me go a little.

In my response I wrote the following:

As for being “my Thing 2”, well, you will always be “my Thing 2”, that’s just because I’m your Momma. The Thing 2 you are is a constantly growing and developing Thing 2, that’s natural. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

What you don’t know is that I don’t judge you. I believe you think I do. But in all honesty, I don’t. All I want is for you to get your muchness fired up and be the Thing 2 you want to be. That might look like something I never even expected. And that is OK! I know the Thing 2 you’ve been isn’t the Thing 2 you want to be, I know you want more for yourself. Only you can decide what that looks like.

We will always be connected because you are my daughter and I am your mother. I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. I long to be connected to you as a human being. I want to know the Thing 2 you are now, the Thing 2 you are becoming. Not only because I’m your mom, but because I have a burning desire to know you as a human being.

Today, as we celebrate the twentieth anniversary of her birth. I’m reminded of the sick baby she was. I’m reminded of the precocious preschooler she was. I’m reminded of the sweet girl she was. I’m reminded of the sassy teenager filled with “wizard angst” she was. I’m reminded that through every illness, joy, sadness, laugh, tear, hair color, and fight, she is my baby.
She is the love I never even knew I needed.
She is my heart outside my body.
I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Woo Hoo! Birthday Birthday! Happiest day to you, Moo! I love you more than the moon and the stars.

Categories: on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

disinclined to acquiesce to normal life

Now that International Week of the Birthday has passed, I find myself a bit ‘Barbossa-esque’ about returning to normal life.

Yet normal life is here, and I’m kind of in the middle of it.
Between finishing up waxing the upper cabinet doors, painting the base cabinets, and planting herbs for my back porch…my dance card is rather full.
That said, YBW and I drank wine on the back porch Monday, then again last night in front of the television, catching up on shows in the DVR. Clearly, I’m not jumping back into the deep end of normal life…

YBW and I are going to NYC to see a play and hang out a few days over Memorial day weekend. The goal is the have the kitchen put completely back together by then. So, I should probably do a little bit of waxing this afternoon. (As soon as I pot those plants.)
I’m certainly not going to have the base cabinets painted by then…but twenty-one days left in the school year. (I know I’m not the only educator that knows that number.) Soon, I’ll have all the time in the world to finish the kitchen. Then begin other projects!
Two rooms are in desperate need of a fresh coat of paint and I’ve already chosen colors!

Right now, I’m going to get back to regular stuff by eating some breakfast and switching the laundry, projects will sort themselves out as we go along. And I’m acutely aware that the world truly does not revolve around me.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

International Week of the Birthday ~ day six

Happy Birthday to me!

Birthday Birthday Queen.

I bought myself a little pressie yesterday after my pedi.

How precious is the interior?

I love it when you find the perfect bag at the perfect price!

And look what YBW brought home to me!

Pink Gerbera daisies are one of my favorite flowers!

The game tonight will most likely be rain delayed…possibly even canceled…but that’ll be OK too! Because it’s my Birthday and I’m SO happy!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day five

Cocktails on the porch last night before breakfast for dinner made for a rather happy Robynbird!
It’s pouring with rain this morning and chilly in the 50s. March weather in May seems weird to me.

I celebrated myself today with a pedicure!

Came home, put on my jammies, and now I’m going to make champagne cocktails with Cat Head honeysuckle vodka!

Aren’t they pretty?

Last day in the countdown…tomorrow I’ll wake up and it will be my birthday!
I suspect it seems strange for a grown ass woman to be so excited about her birthday…but I don’t care!
Let’s celebrate me!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day four

Well, today isn’t super celebratory.
Thing 2 decided not to come this week. I am disappointed. I am sad. My feelings are hurt. But, what really strikes me is that I’m not terribly surprised. I’m not sure how I’m going to process this. Only, I do know that I can’t let it ruin Birthday Birthday week. I’m going to take time to be sad and then I’ll go back to celebrating myself.
(I may be writing a bit more optimistically than I feel.)

Oh my golly!
The UPS guy brought my first pressie!
This precious little hand carved duck from my friend and mentor Jessica!

Isn’t this the sweetest thing?
It comes from dcuk, The Duck Company in England. How precious!

I kind of love that this little boy duck is rocking the pink polka dotted wellies.

Breakfast for dinner will make this day complete. Breakfast foods are my all time favorites, and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate myself this week!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day three

So far, it seems like the only one truly on the “celebrate the ever-loving f**k out of me” band wagon is me.
And you know what? That’s actually OK.
I mean, it’s not what I’d like, but I don’t think anyone celebrates anything or anyone with the same level of enthusiasm as I tend to. So I’ll continue to celebrate myself and love every moment of it.

I celebrated today by blasting Blondie in the car. I was rocking out, singing and dancing as I drove home. I think folks were looking at me, but I didn’t care. Know why? Cause Fab Five Freddy told me everybody’s fly.

I did a little more work in the kitchen. I’m trying to finish up waxing cabinet doors and the actual cabinet boxes so I can put it all back together. (I didn’t do anything in the kitchen all weekend. Saturday we celebrated YBW’s birthday, and Sunday I ran errands all day long.) It’s cool though, I’m really enjoying the process. It would be nice to have great chunks of uninterrupted time to get it all done at once…but I don’t so I’m doing a little bit at a time…I’ve nearly gotten used to the cabinet doors being off, I may not know what to do with myself once I put them back on.

In a little while, I’m going up the street to look after M and B while their Mommy goes to an appointment before their Daddy comes home from work. So I’ll get snuggles and giggles and loads of good love. What better way to celebrate my Birthday week?

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day two

Now, this is a bit more  than I’d normally subject y’all to. Only I quite love this quote. It’s so very Robynbird!
I’m all those things.
And many more!
And this year, as I celebrate the forty-sixth anniversary of my birth, I feel like I finally accept myself and my place in the world in a way I’ve never done before. I’ve noticed it more than a few times recently. Enough to bring it up to my therapist.
I feel completely free, yet absolutely in control.
I dig it.
I am lionhearted. And nerdy. And sexy. I am intelligent. And courageous. And I really do embrace every teeny bit of all that insanity and more!
This Monday has been an excellent second day of my Birthday Week!

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International Week of the Birthday ~ day one

Today started ‘International Week of (this girl’s) Birthday’!
I spent Sunday of IWotB running errands.
Costco and Wegmans for groceries. Home Goods, Target, Ross, and Bed Bath & Beyond for stuff for the kitchen. I actually made a purchase at each stop, but at Ross I only bought a very cool something for Thing 1 and a little treat for Thing 2 to have when she arrives later this week.

At Home Goods I found these gorgeous Tiffany blue napkins. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I was leaving the store without them. The moment I saw them, I knew they were meant for me. A little ‘Happy Birthday’ to me, from me!

Upon seeing them for the first time, YBW declared that if I died and could come back as linens, I would be these napkins.
You know, he’s got a point.
They are so very Robynbird.
Today was a great start to my Birthday Week!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

happy birthday to Thing 2

Today is Thing 2’s nineteenth birthday!
My sweet angel baby has been in the world for nineteen years.
She is a miracle. She almost died twice before she was eight weeks old. She’s a fighter. A survivor.
I went into the NICU to see her before she was even twelve hours old. I reached to touch her little hand and she grabbed my finger so tightly. In that moment my whole life changed. I fell in love in an entirely new way. In that moment I knew she was going to be fine. She was so strong, that tiny little girl.
She is my gift from God.
She is light and love and deep dark feelings. She of the waspish tongue and deliciously dry wit. She is hopes and dreams even though she’s forgotten how to hope and dream.
I love her more than the moon and the stars.

Categories: love, on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

chaos and big love

Oh God! Will it ever stop raining? ~ The Saw Doctors

Chaos rained down in big fat drops!

My birthday was actually quite lovely. YBW surprised me by staying home and greeting me with kisses and pressies as I woke up. Then took me to my favorite “dump” for breakfast! Heading into work late, he dropped me off with Sundance. She and I went to see her folks and had a little lunch with her mom.

Graduation was long, but not at all boring. And though he’s not “really” my kid, I was filled with love and pride as Thing C crossed the stage in his green cap and gown.
The added surprise of seeing a girl who was absolute best friends with my own Thing 1 from the time they were four cross the stage brought me so much joy!

I woke Friday morning (Friday the 13th even…my favorite!!!) to the news that my darling friend and mentor’s beloved died the night before.
Yes, he had been ill. But after the news of “four to six months” his illness took his life in one short week.
I started my drive to Charleston at four o’clock Sunday morning and spent the next three days loving my friend through her initial grief. There was much wine and laughter and some sadness as we celebrated the life of this man we all loved.
She kept thanking me for being there. Truthfully, there was nowhere else I would have been. My place in the world in those days was with her. There was no question. I was where I belonged.

I was able to squeeze in time with my sister-in-law. (I got to keep her in the divorce, the love we share made us sisters in our own right, it just so happens she was the former husbands sister first.) Got to spend time with my nephew and niece. That little girl is a bundle of kookiness if I ever saw one! She so reminds me of Thing 2 when she was that age. All “chatty Cathy” and bouncy arms and legs, trying so hard to be grown and still so little. She’ll be ten next week. I can’t believe how quickly the time passed!

I came home in time to celebrate Thing G’s birthday on Wednesday. Celebrating sixteen is so different for boys than for girls. It isn’t quite as big of a deal. Thing 1 had a huge “Punked Out Wonderland” party for her “sweet sixteen”. Thing 2 and I spent the day at the spa…facials, manis and pedis and lunch. She didn’t want a big party. That’s her personality though…

Last night my Arizona friend and her two daughters arrived! So much Robynbird joy!! They’re here for the weekend and then just as they leave, her eldest son rolls into town. Getting to love two thirds of their family is nothing to sneeze at!
She and I will go to the ballet this evening while the girls go visit old friends.
The oldest sister, my Goddaughter, just woke up and now we’re going to have tea and visit before everyone else gets out of bed.

Yesterday afternoon, YBW and I were up the street at our neighbors for cocktails. I remarked that I felt like I hadn’t seen him in a month!
It feels like I got on a hamster wheel on my birthday and just yesterday finally got off. The last ten days were fast, furious, and chaotic, but filled with great big love.
It’s time for me to keep the love but say “Bye Felicia” to the chaos…I need the rest.

Categories: death, love, me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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