magic as crazy as this

Nick Drake playlist on repeat.
Which Will and At the Chime of a City Clock.
One of These Things First and a Black Eyed Dog.
Time Has Told Me.
Cello Song.
That voice giving everything.
He left us too soon.
He is the Northern Sky.
We are in The Time of No Reply.
I am calm.
I feel peaceful.
Pink Moon is on its way.

Categories: loss, me, peace and wellbeing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

a.w. anonymous

My name is Robynbird and I’m an appliance whore.
Hi, Robynbird.

I absolutely adore appliances. They’re my most gasm-inducing items. I don’t know what that’s actually about, but I like it.
Something about having the proper tools to do the best possible job just makes me downright giddy. A mechanic needs the best tools to fix vehicles. A plumber to…plumb? A carpenter needs the proper tools to build. I need the proper tools to prepare delicious meals, and my most favorite of all household jobs, laundry.

When my house in SC was built and all the appliances came in, I cried tears of joy. I literally hugged my fridge every single day. I sat on a stool in the laundry room and watched the washer and dryer run for the first load in each machine. I promise I’m not making this up.
Yes, I have a problem.
Yes, I’m seeking help. (Not really.)

Appliances is my go-to department when YBW wants to go shopping and get his electronic geek on. He geeks out on computers and gaming. I geek out in appliances.
It’s just such bliss!
The folks at Best Buy and HH Gregg always look so disappointed when he comes to “pick me up” in the appliance department and we leave. It’s not like I engage them or anything…they just see a woman looking then a man shows up and they assume. (Sorry, y’all. That’s just not how we roll.)

All the appliances in this home are from when it was built seventeen years ago…this means I’m not working with proper tools. That’s OK though, we’re aware and have kitchen “remodel” plans in the works. (If we hadn’t finished the basement for ‘someone’ to not live there, I’d already have new appliances. But I’m not bitter…I’m actually not really, but it amuses me to say it.)
The washing machine has decided to give up the ghost…Little D’s dad says it sounds like a drive-by. (He ain’t lyin’.) It’s an old top load machine and the belt that drives the spin slips. It also screeches like a banshee. (Warning us of it’s impending death.)
YBW took it apart to see if it could be easily sorted…then came the question. Do you replace the belt on a seventeen year old machine?
This little red haired girl votes: HELL no!
Her blue eyed husband voted the same way.

You know what that means!?!
NEW APPLIANCES!! (Er…sorry. Had a little gasm there.)

I chose replacements.
This wasn’t hard, I’ve been doing research for a while in anticipation of this moment.
I found exactly what I wanted at the best price (LG steam washer and dryer)…the problem is the price wasn’t exactly what YBW wanted. So I went with my second choice machines (LG no steam).
BUT I found exactly what I wanted (the pricier set) in a different brand for only $30 more (than my second choice). YBW was intrigued.
Thank you, Sears for still being kinda awesome in this crazy day and age.
I chose this Kenmore set:
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That is actually made by LG. (Boom!)

It’ll be delivered Tuesday.
I seriously cannot wait to do laundry in these new machines!
(Yes, there was clapping and the teeniest squeal!)

Categories: around the house, me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

inexhaustible love

I wrote about a precious young man I love in loving yourself.
I found out this week that he has testicular cancer.
He is twenty-one years old.
He’s had the tumor and one testicle removed but the cancer spread to one (and only one) of his lymph nodes near his right kidney.
He will start chemotherapy on Monday.

When his mom told me she asked that I not tell the girls, that he would want to do that in his own time. Today she asked me to share the news with them, he mustn’t have wanted to go over it again and again.

Thing 1, who calls him her brother, took the news better than I could have hoped. I expected her to fall apart. She didn’t. She held it together, asked intelligent questions, expressed her love for him, his family and for me. I apologized for being the bearer of bad news. She told me she was glad it was me, that I always give it to her straight, answer all her questions, and do it all with so much love.
I sent her a text a couple hours later to see how she was holding up. She already spoke with his boyfriend and was actually talking with him at the time.
She has enough stubborn love to keep him healthy by sheer force of her will.

Thing 2 listened and was uncharacteristically quiet. She asked about his siblings and boyfriend. We talked about him losing his beautiful hair but she decided he’s going to rock the bald! Then she joked about medical marijuana. She chastised herself for cracking wise. But in our family, we laugh at all things, good and bad. It’s a way to keep everything in perspective.
I told her the high percentage rate of curability and that I honestly believed he would be cancer free after his chemo. She was relieved, explaining that she was using my belief as her barometer of concern. She told me she’s learned that I know exactly how much to worry or be hopeful about every situation and that she always takes her cue from me.
However much she thinks she ‘hates people’, she’s one of the most positive human beings and he will be basking in everything she can send to him.

My heart aches for my dear, dear friend and her husband. The fear they must be experiencing. She’s so brave. She loves her kids with such ferocity. But this isn’t something she can sort. She has to wait while God and modern medicine sort it.
Being a parent is simultaneously the most wonderful and horrifically difficult experience. This is one of those times difficult takes center stage. But wonderful waits in the wings in the form of family and friends lifting each other up with love and light.

My love for this young man is inexhaustible.
I know love doesn’t really conquer all. But in this case, I’m going to believe that tremendous amounts of love and a little bit of chemo will kick cancer’s ass!

Categories: love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

cocoon thoughts

Yesterday was adventurous.
I woke with a headache I couldn’t shake and a great deal of nausea. Had the indescribable “joy” of a blow out (tire not hair) on the way to babysit for a family I absolutely adore. (I look after them on Mondays. It’s my new favorite thing.)
Even though I was struggling, it turns out we had a good day. I was actually able to read one book. (Normally we read every bit of ten or more books.) I sat outside in the warm sun while they played. I even drew a chalk picture in the driveway. We did watch more television than we normally do, but that made it easier for me. Sometimes that’s just what’s up.

I came home and ate a bit of dinner, but even that didn’t really help my head so I got in the tubby. YBW was going to bed when I got out. I knew I wouldn’t sleep properly so I went downstairs to “Thing 2’s room” to lie slap in the middle of my old bed.

I had enough fioricet in me to ease the discomfort long enough to fall asleep but I was awake at three. Not ‘wide awake and bushy tailed’, but awake enough that pretty much every indiscriminate thought I ever had showed up for consideration.
A selective sample:
Oh, I love being in the middle of this bed! I didn’t realize how much I miss sleeping in my cocoon.

Wow! Thing 1 will be twenty two tomorrow, the same age I was when she was born.

Wonder if Sundance is awake right now.

Why doesn’t bacon cook itself? Bacon must have been the food of the Gods. They ate bacon and drank diet Dr Pepper up there on Mt Olympus for sure.

I wish Thing 2 was here.

Who put the ‘glad’ in gladiator? (this immediately lead to) Let’s go see N’s family. (my friends in AZ)

Why does it smell like Grandaddy’s house in here?

Man, VBCC used to be fun. Gotta call (my friend and mentor) J back.

Sweet Jesus! What if Donald Trump becomes our president? Wonder how hard it would be to emigrate to Canada? The U.K. would be better but across the ocean is too far away from the kids. Thing 2 wants to move to Canada anyway.

Wish we had some cereal in the house, I’m hungry.

Lunch with Little D and his daddy today.

Perhaps I should go upstairs and get in bed with YBW.

Why did Buffy love Angel so much? Take your tormented soul elsewhere, you whiny, mopey complainer.

This thought process went on for a little while before I finally rolled over and thought: Ugh! Just go back to sleep, you ridiculous girl!
And I did.

This morning I realized it smells like Grandaddy’s house in that room because there are still things in the closet that came from his house but I didn’t realize that in the middle of the night.
I also realized it reminded me of that Alanis song, These R the Thoughts.
Guess we all have them.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

ribbon and bows

Bows are one of my specialties. I learned how to make them from one of the old girl scout moms when I was a teenager. I’ve been making them ever since. I mostly make them to go on wreaths.
(like this new one)
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I love choosing ribbon for bows!
Sundance and I went shopping for ribbon Wednesday and I made two sets of bows for her.
The first is burlap with tiny navy anchors. (Her husband is a retired Senior Chief.)
I don’t even like anchors and I freaking LOVE this ribbon!
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The second is the most adorable green gingham!
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I absolutely adore gingham!

I’m making a new wreath for the front door to usher in spring. I asked YBW to choose between two different ribbons because I couldn’t decide. Much to my joy, he chose the polka dots!
I removed the bow from one of the wreaths I used for the church doors when we got married. Spray painted a wooden letter yellow, hot glued it on and attached the bow.
Volia!
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I’m finished with cold winter weather!
Nats pitchers and catchers reported to Viera, FL for spring training this morning. That’s a sure sign spring is on it’s way!
March first (start of meteorological spring) cannot come soon enough, I’m ready to hang this new wreath on the front door!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

an unexpected gift

Sundance and I spent the afternoon together yesterday. We went to lunch, (Mexican, YUM!) went to get our hair done, (two cute new dos) and ran errands (to purchase ribbon at AC Moore).
We came back home and hung out while I made her some bows. YBW came home excited to see Sundance. (They were very close friends in elementary school.) There were hugs and kisses then he went into the other room. But the noises were not those of him emptying his pockets like he normally does. They were of metal banging and rustling plastic. Sundance and I looked at each other waiting for him to find the pressie I left on his chair.
He comes into the room with his hands behind his back. Then he presents us with the precious dollies we fell in love with when we went to say goodbye, Why Not?.

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Redhaired “Adele” for me and brunette “Jeanne” for Sundance.
(Yes, there was squealing!)

After Sundance left I took my dollie upstairs to our bedroom.
I thanked YBW again and told him it was kind of him to get both dollies. He told he almost gave me mine for Valentine’s day, but he’s glad he waited because the look on Sundance’s face made it all worth it.
What a sneaky bugger my husband is.
What a precious, kind man my husband is.

I was all smiles this morning when little Adele greeted me from my comfy chair.
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I picked her up and hugged her and started my day. Her face makes my heart so happy I can hardly stand it!
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Categories: love, me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

robin birds are here

Guess what I saw Friday afternoon!?!

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Robin birds in my front yard!!
I was so excited I could hardly stand myself!
I wrote long ago of my love of Spring and the importance of seeing the first robin of Spring in Spring is springing!.

Spring isn’t quite sprung around here, we’re expecting more snow this week.
But these birdies don’t seem to care! They were frolicking all over the yard Friday afternoon!
I went out to get the mail and this is the only bird that didn’t fly away when I opened the front door!
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I woke yesterday morning to the sound of their singing: Cheerily, cheer up, cheer up, cheerily, cheer up.
Even with more snow on the way, these robins are here. And with them, the promise of spring!
I am one happy Robynbird!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Grandaddy’s house

I grew up in this house.
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I always consider this my home, but never actually call it “home”. I only ever call it “Grandaddy’s house”.
My room was the window above the porch and the first one on the side of the house.

Grandaddy and my grandmother moved to this house from N Barton Street in Arlington when my mom was three or four. So that was 1947 or 1948. It was built in Falls Church. A post war, GI bill-sort of neighborhood called Tyler Park. The house is on the corner of a street with a big hill and a relatively flat street that dead ends into a church.

It was a great neighborhood to grow up in. We rode our bikes all around, up and down the hills. We played touch football and kickball and soccer on the open lawn of the church. We played on the playground and sledded down the hill at Tyler Park. Later on, when I was in middle school, it even had one of those brown Fairfax County Park Authority signs. (Why did I remember that?)

Last Saturday, YBW and I had an errand day that took us farther from home than normal. It started with me craving arepas on Friday. The closest Venezuelan joint is in Falls Church so I created an entire day around eating this food.
Saturday took us to Tiffany’s to leave my bracelet to have the new charm attached. Then to the jeweler to see about sorting the fact that my wedding ring is a teeny smitch smaller than my engagement ring. The goldsmith was precious and assured me it would be perfect when he was finished.

Since we were in Falls Church, I decided to take YBW to where I grew up. I know where he grew up, my girls went to the elementary school literally across the street. I’ve been there and seen the addition and listened to his stories. Even tried to find his family’s hand prints in the concrete of the end of the driveway apron addition.
I love that feeling of seeing and beginning to understand where he comes from.
It was time for us to experience that with my early life.

I told stories of landmarks that are gone or of new ones that sprang up as we drove from the actual City of Falls Church into Fairfax County but still ‘Falls Church’. I was amazed how excited I was to share my young life with him! This is where I went to second and third grade before they closed the school. It was Fairfax County’s Child Find building when I was last in this area. (About ten years ago.) But now, it has beautiful new additions and is a much needed elementary school once again.
Careful, the turn you want is on the curve in the road right across from that huge stone wall…

I forgot how narrow the streets are in Tyler Park. These mostly are yards with no driveways, so cars park on both sides of the street. So many of the little cape cods have been built out into huge living spaces to accommodate the large families now residing in them.

When we got to the top of the hill there was a car behind us and we couldn’t stop to look at Grandaddy’s house so he listened while I talked and we went down towards the church to turn around.
This is where my friend Jennie lived. Her mom left their family. It was a big deal in the late 1970s. Her grandmother still lives up the street across from the park.
Oh look! We used to sled on that same hill!! Hmm. I remember it bigger.

Here’s Grandaddy’s house now.
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That whole bit in the back of the house is an addition. The original house stopped where the roofline changes pitch. It struck me as interesting that the new owners built this huge addition but left the original metal casement windows.

I have great sadness that all the beautiful trees are gone. Two huge maple trees in the front yard. The one on the left of the sidewalk I could climb high enough that I could see all the way down the hill to Graham Road. The apple tree in the side yard that had long ago stopped producing apples but stood beautiful and proud anyway. All the gorgeous flowering shrubs. Mock orange and azaleas and hydrangeas. Pampas grass, forsythia, and flowering vines along the fence in the side yard. The sweet shrub and hosta that flourished in the shade along the left side of the house.

Here’s the house from the front. You can see where the porch used to be. There are two windows upstairs on the front of the house now.
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I could see people moving around inside through the storm door. I teased YBW they were feeling a whole lot of WTF? that I was leaning out the car window taking photos with my phone.
Honestly there was a part of me that wanted to boldly knock on the door, explain I grew up there and ask to be let in to look around. I didn’t though. Partly because of the language barrier. Partly because I wasn’t sure I could bear it.
I have wonderful happy memories of growing up and being loved in that house. But that was when it was Grandaddy’s house, and it’s not really his anymore. Hasn’t been since 1992.
It belongs to those new people. And with my whole heart, I hope they’re having a wonderful life there.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

new blue loo

I needed a project. A little something I could do around the house to make me feel useful. I chose the main floor powder room because I could knock out in one day.
Tuesday I went on an inspiration trip, and found just what I was looking for at Home Goods.

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I fell in love with the deep purpley-blue color in the mosaic and knew that would be the wall color. I walked into Lowe’s with the soap dispenser and sorted that pretty easily. This was the first paint chip I pulled.
Valspar Precious Sapphire

It was a bit strange for me as it was the first time I made the decision to change something in this house without running it by YBW. Perhaps I finally feel at home here?
Wednesday morning I got up early and gathered my tools. After removing the mirror and other hardware, I took down a small cabinet and patched the holes. I ate a quick breakfast while waiting for the putty to dry then went to work.

Before:
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After:
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YBW and I chose a few architectural photos to hang on the wall. (He didn’t know what they were for when I presented them to him.) I actually took both of these with my phone. The first is Loudoun Street in Old Town Winchester. The second is the abandoned Harrison Point Lighthouse in Barbados.
They’ve been printed but not yet picked up and I don’t yet have frames, but here’s a sample:
IMG_20150830_115056                                                       IMG_20151203_150424

All in all, I feel exceptionally good about the work I did. I like to feel useful. I like to feel creative.

Categories: around the house | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

healthy gut = healthy brain

I read an article recently about how your gut is your “other” brain. Meet Your Second Brain: The Gut
My sister-in-law has been talking about bits and pieces of this concept for a while, but I really didn’t understand the impact until I read all about it.
Here’s the gist that’s directly important to me: If your gut isn’t healthy it can trigger neurological issues.

What if this whole brain swelling situation is simply my wretched digestive system?
(yeah, I’m going to leave that here and walk away for a moment)

I’ve had digestive issues my entire life. Even as a little girl I struggled with the pain of constipation and bloating. I didn’t know it wasn’t normal until I was an adult. That was an interesting learning curve. I was surrounded by people with healthy digestive systems.

My stomach simply doesn’t digest properly. The holistic “doctor obvious” shared that gem. I was a whole lot of ‘well no sh*t, dude’. I haven’t been to him in a while. Honestly he’s so expensive and insurance doesn’t cover it. Also YBW thinks he’s a bit of a quack. Which makes it hard for me, because I really need him on board if I’m going to get treatment for this. Some of his stuff is quack-like. For instance: him preaching ‘don’t immunize your kids’ is one that makes me want to stab. But some of his stuff is totally on point.

Though I may not have to go see him…
I’ve been researching as much as I can the last few days and I’m learning what to do to help restore my “good gut flora”. It doesn’t seem all that difficult apart from one thing. I’m going to have to give up wine. At least for a little while.
In learning what to eat to heal my gut I’m excited to discover fermented foods are a must. That means kimchi. My dad used to have a special refrigerator ONLY for his huge jar of kimchi. I don’t think I’ll get that drastic, but I love it and am excited to know it will help me.
My friend in Arizona went completely gluten free to help with terrible headaches and digestive issues. I’ve been researching that too. I suspect that will help me a great deal.

What this means is an upheaval of our foodstuffs and the way I prepare things. I’m not sure how it will work when the boys are here, but I can simply feed YBW whatever I’m eating when they aren’t here. It’ll be good for him too.

I don’t know if I’m actually on the right track, but I’m willing to try this as apposed to waiting around any longer to see if my brain get’s it’s act together. I’ve struggled with this brain swelling since May. And though I’m not getting any worse, I sure as hell am not getting any better.

I’ll continue to research and begin to make changes and cross my fingers.
I’ll go see the holistic doctor as a touchstone.

It’s time for me to be well.
I’m not getting well the way we’re doing it. I’m ready to try something new.
I’m gonna get healthy if it kills me!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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