Posts Tagged With: YBW

I can hear the bell

YBW and I went out to Naked Mountain yesterday. The weather was gorgeous, more like later on in May than the end of April. The winery was jumpin’ with folks on blankets and adirondack chairs on the big hill.
Wine club members are still picking up their orders and we got a bottle of wine and a charcuterie plate just for showing up. We sat on the small deck for a while before going about the business of purchase.

On the way we stopped off at the church where we’re getting hitched.
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The church is honestly one of the most precious places I’ve ever seen! I love the church building and the graveyard. I can’t wait for the photos to be taken in the fall. I think it will be even more gorgeous than it is now!
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There is a bell in the side yard of the church. I was so excited to ring it yesterday and have visions of the most perfect photos of us ringing it on the say of our wedding.
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We’re closing in on six months…I say, “Bring it!”

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save the date

I had this idea for what our save the dates would look like for a really long time.
It finally came down to what shoes I would wear. I had several boxes on my bed, a different shoe on each foot and nothing seemed quite right.
Then YBW said: You should wear your flip flops.
It was an AHA! moment!

When I was in SC I pretty much lived in my Havaianas. YBW has always teased that they’re not “proper shoes” and I should cover my feet. (I have pretty feet, just so you know.)
So when he suggested I wear my favorite rubber flip flops it felt so natural to me. The photo represents us accurately. I feel like it celebrates our playfulness as a couple and our differences as individuals.
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The date runs up the right side on the actual card in bold white numbers. 10.24.15

The best part was the actual photo shoot, we two in our side yard with the camera on the small tripod on one of the kitchen stools me running back and forth between setting up the shot and being in it.
We laughed so much!
It was so very “us”.

When I was visiting in Arizona, my friend’s husband said to me: Tell me about YBW, all I know about him is that he has red shoes.
This amused me.
It also confirmed what I already knew, our save the date card playfully represents who we are as a couple and was absolutely the right choice.

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Manassas Battlefield

I absolutely adore Manassas Battlefield. I used to love to go there as a child and spend hours wandering aimlessly. I go there now as a grown up to experience that nostalgia.
I love the history of my home state. I love the fact that these places have been preserved, the physical places as well as the history.
When I go now, I almost always experience the battlefield from behind the camera.

The Henry House is my favorite place to visit. I love the view from the hill there. The story of Mrs Henry, stuck in her home due to illness as the first battle of bull run raged around her always resonated in me. She wasn’t able to leave her home before the fighting and ended up mortally wounded by Union fire.

The Henry House

The Henry House

I love how the changing light affects everything.

The Henry House

The Henry House

YBW likes to wander and play Ingress (To me it seems like a kind of electronic version of capture the flag for grown ups.) on his phone, “capturing” and “hacking” “portals” all around the battlefield.
The cool part of him playing this game on his phone is that I’ll tag along with my camera. We get out of the car, go our separate ways, and come back together after an hour or so.
I get time behind the lens, joy of being in a place I love, and he gains important “points” and “badges”. It’s pretty much win-win.

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The Stone House as seen from the top of Henry Hill. It was used as a hospital during both the first and second battles of Bull Run. I remember being at a post sledding bonfire there once when I was really little. I remember feeling a combination of excitement and fear. I was so tired after a day of up and down the hill but the bonfire was so thrilling. All the people, the chaos, me feeling very small and vulnerable and afraid to get separated from my mom caused great anxiety within me.

The Stone House

The Stone House

Sometimes folks get their nickname here.
Thomas Jonathan Jackson became “Stonewall Jackson” when General Bee of South Carolina observed his resolve in battle and cried out, “There stands Jackson like a stone wall! Rally behind the Virginians!”

There stands Jackson like a stone wall.

Stonewall Jackson

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digging out

Snow day at home with YBW and Things C and G.
YBW and Thing G are playing games on their computers. Thing C watching Clone High on his laptop. I’m finally reorganizing my “office space” from the chaos when my dad died. (Yeah, it’s been ten months but who’s counting?)
Sunday I redistributed all the books between the old and new bookshelf.

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Today I’m tackling the desk tables. They’re a hot, hot mess. I honestly haven’t had it in me to do anything but stack more stuff on the piles of stuff. All the papers needed in dealing with my dad’s estate were in a special basket. Anything else just got crammed on one of the tables.

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I have put it off and put it off. I’ve stood here in tears ready to just light a match. I’ve stood here braced and ready only to take one look, shrug, and walk away.
Today is the day.
The day I dig out of the hole I’ve been in.
Wish me bon courage.

Categories: around the house, me | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

do what you love

I’m in existential crisis. It sounds ridiculous to say, but it’s true. I’m struggling with the difference between a job and a calling.
From the time I was a little girl, I’ve always felt I as meant to spend my time with little children. As a mom, as a teacher. But I’m beginning to wonder if that’s my actual calling. I’m experiencing feelings that the time has come to “hang up my spurs”. The part that gives me pause is the fact that I can’t clearly identify from where those feelings come. I keep thinking if I could understand the why I could apply logic to it and be able to make a more informed decision.
I don’t know where these feelings started, it’s not that I’m tired or whatever, it goes beyond that. It’s deep in my gut. And if I’ve learned anything in forty three years of life, it’s that my gut is NEVER wrong. My brain can argue both sides until I’m completely lost. My heart knows what it wants and will stop at nothing to have it’s way. But my gut just ‘knows’. I’ve learned to trust that instinct, because when I haven’t I’ve paid the price.

So I’m hearing the gut feeling, but don’t know what it means exactly, neither do I know how to articulate what I’m feeling. Hence the crisis of existence.
I’m sad. I’m confused. I’m frustrated that I can’t figure it out. (Have I mentioned patience isn’t at the top of my skills list?)
I feel so strongly about early childhood education. About what’s best for children.
I’m not so sure I’m what’s best for children.

I am so sad about this situation. It’s absolutely consuming me.
I was in the car with YBW last night and he said: Are you OK.
I shrugged and said: Yeah.
He asked: Are you sure.
I asked: What do you want me to say?
He said: You just look so sad.
I replied: I am sad.

I’m sad because I don’t know what to do with the feelings I know I have to trust.
What do I want to do?
Ideally I’d like to be able to write or take photos to earn my living.
What inspires me?
Children.
Do what you love.
I love to write.
I love to take photos.
I love children.

YBW expressed his concern about me leaving this job I’m spectacularly good at for some random job. He has a valid point. I oughtn’t “jump out of the frying pan into the fire”.
There really is no solution at the moment. I need to understand the ‘why’ so I can figure out how to proceed.

Le sigh. Le really big sigh.
See how I get nowhere?
I’m walking away from the vehemence of my gut’s opinion. I’m just going to be in the moment.

Categories: education, me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I bought a new (old) book today!

Normally when I spend a rather large chunk of change I experience that feeling of buyer’s remorse.
Not today!
I woke to photos of a first edition book I’ve been considering.
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I’ve always maintained that The Great Gatsby was my favorite book. But I’ve been thinking more and more about books I love, and realized that The Secret Garden might be my favorite after all…or it could be that I’ve just been thinking more about it because YBW sneakily purchased that litographs.com Secret Garden tee for me.
Perhaps I just can’t have one favorite book…I simply love too many to choose between them. Favorite or not, the original British publication of The Secret Garden has been purchased and is being shipped to me.
My joy is HUGE!

The wonderful ladies of Pioneer Books in Adelaide, Australia went out of their way to provide me with photos to ease my mind about plunking down that much money on a book sight unseen.
I’ve spent the better part of the week emailing back and forth with Cathy. As I learned about their story in our emails I became even more inclined to purchase from them. Their bookshop is almost as old as I am, was started by Cathy’s father, and since his death, is run by the two sisters and their mother. I have added Pioneer Books to my “bucket list” of places I’d like to go. I want to meet these ladies and personally thank them, for their patience and willingness to go out of their way to help me with my purchase. I want to see what Cathy’s father created and spend time among the books, and talking with this family.
I might not ever make it to see them personally, but I discovered they blog right here on wordpress! So I can check in with them from time to time, and that might be good enough. Check them out here: https://pioneerbooks.wordpress.com/about

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snowy day

I absolutely adore snowy days!
It’s so beautiful right now. Out the window, I can see big fat flakes coming down fast and furiously. (That doesn’t show in the photo so you’ll just have to trust me.)
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I’m sitting by the fire, Property Brothers playing quietly on the TV, but I’m ready to pour more wine and get in the tubby.
YBW is in his office at the computer.
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I think I’ll invite him to join me.
I love being “snowed in”.

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cake topper

One thing YBW and I discovered early on in our relationship was that we both love Firefly.
I love it because I’m a tried and true Whedonite. YBW loves it because he’s a big fan of Alan Tudyk. (Actually, YBW looks quite like Alan Tudyk and I’ve always wondered if that’s why he’s a fan, even if he doesn’t know it.)
I started with Whedon’s Buffy (the TV show) and YBW started with Tudyk in A Knight’s Tale but we both ended up at Firefly.
After we’d been together for a while, YBW began to compare us to the beautiflly written and acted married couple aboard Serenity. He maintains that he’s Wash (the funny one) and I’m Zoe (the one who can kick your ass). That I love him because of and in spite of his wacky antics, and he loves me because I have the patience and kindness but also the ability to get the job done no matter what.
YBW always looks surprised when I am “the funny one” by making an inappropriate remark or doing something ridiculous. I say to him: You’re not ALWAYS the funny one.
To which he replies: Of course I am. I’m the wacky pilot and you’re the warrior woman.

Our love for Firefly and our similarities to these characters caused YBW to suggest we find Wash and Zoe action figures to be our wedding cake topper. While I adored the idea because it’s just so “us”, I honestly wasn’t sure I could find them. I have action figures of Mal and Jayne, but have never seen the others. A quick google search lead nowhere and I moved on to other ideas.
That is until Thing 2 sent me a snapchat of a ‘Pop! Funko’ Zoe she saw at the comicbook store. Now, I discovered she sent this last week as we left the winery (and I’d had more than a bit of a tasting). YBW and I went to dinner and before we even looked at the menu, we’d found there was also a Wash and Amazon had them both and they could ship via Prime. With a couple clicks of my phone, they were on their way.
When they arrived, I put heart stickers on them and called them Valentines.

Zoe and Wash

We wonder if folks will question the little black doll on our wedding cake…
I hold the boxes in my hand and giggle. It just feels right.
YBW is crackin’ the wise and that shows me how pleased he is with them.

We kind of are Wash and Zoe…here’s a bit of the script from the episode Bushwacked that pretty much nails their relationship and ours:
Commander Harken: Is there any particular reason you don’t wish to discuss your marriage?
Zoe: Don’t see that it’s any of your business, is all. We’re very private people.
(in Wash’s interrogation)
Wash: (enthusiastic; animated) The legs!
(chuckles)
Wash: Oh, yeah! I definitely have to say it was her legs. You can put that down! Her legs. And right where her legs meet her back. That – actually that whole area. That and – and above it.
Wash: (very enthusiastically) Have you seen what she wears? Forget about it. Have you ever been with a warrior woman?

I’m not really a warrior woman and I’m not quite that private about our relationship.
YBW really is that enthusiastic about my legs. (Why thank you, sir!)

Categories: wedding | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

choosing a photographer and the s’mores bar

Wedding planning is in full swing.
I’m equally excited and anxious. That’s normal I suppose…but somehow doesn’t seem quite right.

The most important things to me are a photographer and the venue.

The venue is sorted, Naked Mountain Winery. (Beautiful inside and out and such delicious wine! Sundance especially loves the fact our invitations will contain the word ‘naked’.)

The photographers I had my heart set on are booked on our day. (Though I didn’t stamp my feet, I did have a teeny moment of pouting, with the protruding lip and everything.) 
I rallied quickly and began the search, eventually settling on three photographers.

I sat with YBW and looked at their online portfolios…I’m not all that sure it was easy for him. In his defense, he admits it’s not as important to him as it is to me, and he’s also quick to point out my eye is very different than his. But I noticed he made pretty astute observations and had enough feedback to help me understand where he was coming from.
I spent Saturday afternoon and evening emailing with our top two picks setting up appointments to meet with them this week. The first one Tuesday, the second on Thursday. I like the idea of meeting with the both in one week, it will be easier for me to make my decision.

Been emailing with the caterer too. She’s absolutely spectacular! We’re going to meet with her a week from Sunday for a tasting and to discuss the contract.
When we talked originally, I told her how fall was my favorite season and YBW and I have this quirky love of chicken pot pie. (Of our children, only Thing 2 enjoys this dish, and only recently. So it’s normally just we two.)
She presented us with a sample menu filled with delicious looking foods including roasted root veggies and roasted brussel sprouts. (Yeah…that’s pretty much just me.)
But the thing (apart from the pot pie) that piqued our curiosity is the inclusion of a s’mores bar. Handmade marshmallows, handmade graham crackers and artisan chocolates. (Um…yes please!)
Looking forward to meeting with her and trying some of these yummies and goodies!

All in all now that the planning is active and not preliminary my excitement is growing exponentially. I think YBW’s is too. Obviously different aspects are more important to one of us than the other, but it’s been fun to plan with him. I like hearing his ideas. I enjoy sharing mine.
I’ve learned he’s much more traditional than I am when it comes to the idea of a wedding. We’ve had more than one conversation about how cupcakes are a great alternative to a fancy (and expensive) wedding cake that nobody will eat. (Duh! S’mores bar!)
I suggested letting Thing C wear Chuck Taylor high tops because they are his daily shoe and I want the personalities of our children to be represented. YBW wasn’t too sure about that…but I think he’s coming around. He was very specific about writing our own vows, something I hadn’t even thought about.
I’m adamant about being “prayed over” or “blessed” and he has no care about this one way or another.
We’re figuring out how we want to present the joining of our lives the the people we love. We’re figuring out how we want to do this together. One step at a time. We’re walking these steps together and that’s really all that matters.

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no tiny wine plant in here

YBW and I made a whirlwind thirty-six hour weekend trip to NYC to see Alan Cumming in Cabaret and I documented the trip via Snapchat. It was out of character for me to not pull out the Lumix…but I felt playful and wanted to do something completely different.

Thing 2 sent this in reply to a pic of YBW and me in the security line:
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(A tiny wine plant being a reference to the movie French Kiss.)

To which I replied:
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I sat in the absolute worst spot waiting to board the plane:
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(A la the knight in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.)

We rode the E train from JFK to 7th Avenue:
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(Their subway is FOUL!)

Checking in at the Wellington:
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Walking through the park just the other day baby. Whaddya, whaddya think I saw?:
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(It was 12 degrees but we loved it.)

A trip to the Met after the long walk through the park wore us out…we sat in the floor for a while, YBW Ingressed and I gave my still healing foot a rest.
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Our view was pretty though:
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Dinner before the play. Two pints of my beloved Harp:
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(From BBC’s Coupling, but Sally and Patrick had martinis not beer.)

The Kit Kat Klub at Studio 54:
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(YBW asked me not to take pics while Alan Cumming was on stage so as not to get us thrown out, please and thank you.)

Whirlwind but SO MUCH FUN!

I’m glad I’m writing again.
After a three month term break, I’m back to school…
My co-teacher and I are committed to bringing Dot to life…
These things will take time, but I will MAKE time to write…for me and for you.

Life isn’t always a cabaret old chum, but we can leave our troubles outside.

Categories: me, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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