Posts Tagged With: do what you love

I’m cool with that

School started last week and for the first time since February of 2020, I’ve spend more time in a school building than out of one.
I subbed in French I and II for eighth graders.
The trickiest bit was there’s no teacher. No lesson plans.
Just me and thirty kids, and I don’t actually speak the language. My knowledge of French exists because Thing 1 and Thing 2 took French in high school.

The first day of school we did some get-to-know-you activities. Each subsequent day, I flew by the seat of my pants finding all the English speaking bits from the textbook.
Writing lesson plans isn’t actually under the job description of a substitute teacher…I’m just sayin’.
But, I survived!
At the end of the week, I met the retired French teacher who will be taking over the class until they can hire someone permanently. She reassured me I managed beautifully, and even showed me in the standard of learning that I’d already covered required material.
Go me!
But really, go those kids!
They were patient and engaged and perfectly willing to adapt.
I’ll see them twice more this week and two more times in September and already have more than enough lessons planned.

I’m heading over to ‘my old school’ this afternoon to teach in a fourth grade class, and they’ve already asked me if I’m willing to work temporarily in the front office.
I’m over here like, here’s my availability, let’s see what we can work out.

What’s great about all this is that I’m feeling good about being back to school.
What’s not great about all this is that I’m not getting as much done at home.
I am so close to being settled and feeling at home in this house…
We’ve already scheduled Baby K’s Birdie and Papa weekends through December. We need to do a few more things to ensure her safety here for extended periods of time.
She’s SO ready! When we were at her house yesterday, she kept saying, “B-Papa house!”

We’re going to make it work, because we’re just as enthusiastic about her being here with us as she is.

I’m making time for the important things.
Creating a home.
Being at school.
Writing these words.

Making time to do what I love.
I’m cool with that.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments

what I really really want

I saw this sign at Home Goods and I had the feeling it was in my face for a reason.
Are The Powers That Be trying to tell me something or am I just overthinking again?

It took me a long time to accept that I was unable to label my feelings regarding that rejection letter from Mason.
And tbph, that only happened in my therapist’s office. When I tried to describe how I felt about it, I was at a loss. I was able to define some feelings, but nothing really felt quite right.
She asked me if I needed to label it to move forward.
I honestly had to pause and consider that for a moment. My reactive response was ‘yes’. My mindful response was ‘no’.
Y’all, that ‘no’ was freeing!

It occurred to me I only chose Mason because it was convenient. It’s got a good program and it’s about 30-45 minutes from home.
I have no real affection for the University. I mean it’s my husband’s alma mater, but I didn’t know him then.
I applied there because it was convenient not because I was passionate about it.

That realization shed light on my seeming inability to label my feelings.
Perhaps I felt ambivalent about the rejection because I felt ambivalent about the school.
I wasn’t sad about not getting what I wanted from a place I didn’t care about getting it from.
(Please ignore the grammatical chaos of that sentence and try to glean the deeper meaning.)

I didn’t care about going into the program at Mason.
I cared about going into the program.
I did some research.
I found some online universities that offer the program.
I requested information.
I’ll be following up with calls in the coming days.

I’m still thinking about this clinical mental health program.
I’m still thinking about being a therapist/counselor.
I did not stop working on it.
I took the time I needed to discover how I felt about what I really wanted, and why.
Just because I took that time didn’t mean I wasn’t working.

I used that time to suss out what I really wanted.
What I really want is a clinical mental health degree.
Doesn’t matter where I earn it.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

time: well spent or wasted?

I spent over an hour Saturday morning looking at pantry and linen closet organization photos on Pinterest and vids on Youtube.
To be perfectly honest, I felt guilty about ‘wasting’ that valuable time.
But the more I considered the time spent, and the information gathered, it wasn’t really wasting time after all.
I discovered new and different organizational ideas that may work well for the way we live, as well as some that will not.
I’m extremely confident in my own abilities when it comes to organization and design, but I’m always open to new or different ideas, especially if I know I need a change.
Now, I could geek out over organization from now until the cows come home, but I’m more interested in this concept of wasting time.

I know we hear about how the average person loses ‘x amount of time each day’ to fairly normal things. But how much of that time is truly being wasted? That number will be different for each person.
Not because each person wastes a different amount of time each day, but because ‘wasting time’ means something different to each person.

I’m not a gamer.
Everyone in my immediate family is. Both my daughters, my husband, both my stepsons, and my son in law enjoy playing video games.
It could be said my family wastes precious time playing video games.

I like to watch vids of people organizing their pantries and linen closets. I like to look at photos of well organized spaces.
It could be said I waste precious time doing that.

I like to go to T.J. Maxx or Marshalls and Homegoods once every ten days or so. Normally I don’t purchase anything, I just like to look and see what’s new. I always go to the kitchen section first then organization before moving into the rest of the store. Some days, I’ll spend an hour or more, other days I’m in and out in less than ten minutes.
It could be said I waste precious time (maybe even money) in these stores.

What about those days when we just need to not. You know, some times we just need to be still and quiet. And more than likely accomplish absolutely nothing.
It will most likely be said we waste precious time doing nothing.

Marthe Troly-Curtin wrote,

Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

How we choose to spend our time is directly linked to our quality of life.
Whether it’s gaming, reading, watching vids or TV, being still like broccoli, or going over Homegoods to see what’s new.
No shame in that!
If we’re using our time in ways that inspire and motivate us. If we’re using our time to relax and recharge. If we’re using our time to join a quest or save a princess, create civilizations or even shoot up stuff. If we’re passionate about how we use our time, if we’re learning new things, or perfecting skills, or simply taking the quiet moment we need, then how can that be a waste of time?

Nassim Nicholas Taleb wrote,

What fools call wasting time is most often the best investment.

I’m not saying we don’t actively waste time, because most of us do at some point or another.
I think we need to be much more mindful about the way we judge how we spend our time. Because whatever that most fulfilling thing is to one person, is completely different to another.
I believe we need to treat ourselves with more kindness and respect. We need to acknowledge that time spent doing what brings us joy can’t possibly be time wasted.

Otis Redding sang,

Sittin’ on the dock of the bay
Wastin’ time

No shame. No judgement.
Just straight chillin’.
And we all know that can be time well spent.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

my freak flag flies

Here’s some of what makes my weird little heart happy.

books
currently reading:
Noir by Christopher Moore
in the queue:
Hold Still by Sally Mann
The Balcony by Jane Delury
Funny Girl by Nick Hornby
Too Much and Not the Mood by Durga Chew-Bose
The Dinner Party by Joshua Ferris
You Gotta Get Bigger Dreams by Alan Cumming

monograms

I honestly want to stick my monogram on everything I possibly can!

journals

I have no words to successfully convey my love of books to fill with my writing.

cloth napkins

music
current playlist:
Rufus Wainwright
Paolo Nutini
The Kills (always)
The Devil Makes Three
Alice Merton
Tori Vasquez

railroad spikes

Doesn’t matter where I am, if there’s a railroad near, I’m going to hunt for spikes.

food network and HGTV shows
Beat Bobby Flay
Iron Chef America
The Next Iron Chef
Home Town
Good Bones
Rehab Addict

school/office supplies

Sharpies. Gel pens. Mechanical pencils. Colored pencils. Crayola crayons. Ballpoint pens. Funky scissors. Legal pads and spiral notebooks.

random things
porch life
my Naked Mountain Winery tee with the outline of Virginia
nail polish
cracking crab legs and peeling shrimp at the seafood joint
organizational items
James Cordon’s Carpool Karaoke
movie theater popcorn
magnets and stickers
robin’s egg blue
baseball
the freckles on my knees
rainbows
random tv/movie/song quotes
MLP:FiM
super sharp kitchen knives
the ballet
brand new mascara
a perfect BLT
switching out my bag
popping a bottle of bubbly
robin birds
my bitmoji
Cinema Sins ‘Everything Wrong With’ vids
central air (no pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than)
playground swings

So that’s

I’m curious what strange things make y’alls weird little hearts happy.
Let your freak flag fly in the comments!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

hooked on LuLaRoe

I’ve become obsessed with LuLaRoe clothing.
Sundance lives in their leggings. They are the softest damn things I’ve ever felt! They’re oftentimes referred to as “butter soft”. (They ain’t lyin’.)
I’m not about the leggings. But I found out they make dresses. That’s it, y’all, I’m hooked!

At first I was all about the “Amelia”
amelia dress
This dress is so very me. The perfect length, those pleats and pockets and little sleeves. The material is soft and stretchy. I have three of these now.

Until I tried on the “Julia”
julia dress
It’s a tee shirt dress that is flattering as hell! I expected it to be shapeless, or worse, cling in all the wrong places. But it’s “butter soft” like the leggings, the perfect length with the perfect length sleeves (almost to the elbow). I have three of these and one more on the way.

I have one “Cassie” skirt. The softest damn navy and gray striped little pencil skirt you ever did see. I have one pair of blue leggings to wear under one of my “Julia” dresses, if you fold it up a little, it becomes a tunic and the leggings are cute under it. I don’t foresee more leggings in my life…but who knows?

Here’s what the Julia dress looks like in real life.
Heather gray with a navy cardigan (cardigans are my #1 go-to article of clothing), a cream, navy, gray, mustard and burgandy scarf and (gorgeous) brown boots.
img_20160305_163212.jpg
(It’s an instagram photo so I had to lose my head to show the cute boots.)

When I got home, I took off my boots and scarf to get more comfy.
20160305_165209.jpg

My knee sock game is completely on point.
img_20160305_164823.jpg

If you don’t know LuLaRoe, you must check it out.
Leggings and dresses and tunics and raglan tees and skirts, even “kimonos” (little sweater-y type things to wear over everything else), in women’s and girls sizes. Even “Mommy and Me” items that match or coordinate. This stuff sells like hot cakes! Everything is reasonably priced, comparable to local women’s clothing stores, and sometimes better made.
They’re all designed here in the U.S. with a limited number (1000) items per fabric pattern. That could mean any item could be any pattern. Some of them are not remotely my style, but others are absolutely fabulous!
I’ve learned in the last three weeks that people are simply mad about these clothes! You can’t refresh photos and type “sold” in the comments fast enough on the facebook “pop up sales”.
I love these clothes so much, I’m seriously considering becoming a LuLaRoe consultant. YBW and I are ironing out the logistics. He was reluctant at first, but the more we talk about it, the more open minded he becomes. I’m not a “sales” kind of girl, but I’ve already got a client base built up and ready to shop with me. The opportunity to “do what I love” excites me. I absolutely love clothes! And I absolutely love these LuLaRoe clothes!
If I’m a consultant, I’ll have first dibs on Amelia and Julia dresses to add to my collection.
20160305_185950.jpg

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do what you love

I’m in existential crisis. It sounds ridiculous to say, but it’s true. I’m struggling with the difference between a job and a calling.
From the time I was a little girl, I’ve always felt I as meant to spend my time with little children. As a mom, as a teacher. But I’m beginning to wonder if that’s my actual calling. I’m experiencing feelings that the time has come to “hang up my spurs”. The part that gives me pause is the fact that I can’t clearly identify from where those feelings come. I keep thinking if I could understand the why I could apply logic to it and be able to make a more informed decision.
I don’t know where these feelings started, it’s not that I’m tired or whatever, it goes beyond that. It’s deep in my gut. And if I’ve learned anything in forty three years of life, it’s that my gut is NEVER wrong. My brain can argue both sides until I’m completely lost. My heart knows what it wants and will stop at nothing to have it’s way. But my gut just ‘knows’. I’ve learned to trust that instinct, because when I haven’t I’ve paid the price.

So I’m hearing the gut feeling, but don’t know what it means exactly, neither do I know how to articulate what I’m feeling. Hence the crisis of existence.
I’m sad. I’m confused. I’m frustrated that I can’t figure it out. (Have I mentioned patience isn’t at the top of my skills list?)
I feel so strongly about early childhood education. About what’s best for children.
I’m not so sure I’m what’s best for children.

I am so sad about this situation. It’s absolutely consuming me.
I was in the car with YBW last night and he said: Are you OK.
I shrugged and said: Yeah.
He asked: Are you sure.
I asked: What do you want me to say?
He said: You just look so sad.
I replied: I am sad.

I’m sad because I don’t know what to do with the feelings I know I have to trust.
What do I want to do?
Ideally I’d like to be able to write or take photos to earn my living.
What inspires me?
Children.
Do what you love.
I love to write.
I love to take photos.
I love children.

YBW expressed his concern about me leaving this job I’m spectacularly good at for some random job. He has a valid point. I oughtn’t “jump out of the frying pan into the fire”.
There really is no solution at the moment. I need to understand the ‘why’ so I can figure out how to proceed.

Le sigh. Le really big sigh.
See how I get nowhere?
I’m walking away from the vehemence of my gut’s opinion. I’m just going to be in the moment.

Categories: education, me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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