Posts Tagged With: happy

choosing a photographer and the s’mores bar

Posted on January 26, 2015 by robynbird

Wedding planning is in full swing.
I’m equally excited and anxious. That’s normal I suppose…but somehow doesn’t seem quite right.

The most important things to me are a photographer and the venue.

The venue is sorted, Naked Mountain Winery. (Beautiful inside and out and such delicious wine! Sundance especially loves the fact our invitations will contain the word ‘naked’.)

The photographers I had my heart set on are booked on our day. (Though I didn’t stamp my feet, I did have a teeny moment of pouting, with the protruding lip and everything.)
I rallied quickly and began the search, eventually settling on three photographers.

I sat with YBW and looked at their online portfolios…I’m not all that sure it was easy for him. In his defense, he admits it’s not as important to him as it is to me, and he’s also quick to point out my eye is very different than his. But I noticed he made pretty astute observations and had enough feedback to help me understand where he was coming from.
I spent Saturday afternoon and evening emailing with our top two picks setting up appointments to meet with them this week. The first one Tuesday, the second on Thursday. I like the idea of meeting with the both in one week, it will be easier for me to make my decision.

Been emailing with the caterer too. She’s absolutely spectacular! We’re going to meet with her a week from Sunday for a tasting and to discuss the contract.
When we talked originally, I told her how fall was my favorite season and YBW and I have this quirky love of chicken pot pie. (Of our children, only Thing 2 enjoys this dish, and only recently. So it’s normally just we two.)
She presented us with a sample menu filled with delicious looking foods including roasted root veggies and roasted brussel sprouts. (Yeah…that’s pretty much just me.)
But the thing (apart from the pot pie) that piqued our curiosity is the inclusion of a s’mores bar. Handmade marshmallows, handmade graham crackers and artisan chocolates. (Um…yes please!)
Looking forward to meeting with her and trying some of these yummies and goodies!

All in all now that the planning is active and not preliminary my excitement is growing exponentially. I think YBW’s is too. Obviously different aspects are more important to one of us than the other, but it’s been fun to plan with him. I like hearing his ideas. I enjoy sharing mine.
I’ve learned he’s much more traditional than I am when it comes to the idea of a wedding. We’ve had more than one conversation about how cupcakes are a great alternative to a fancy (and expensive) wedding cake that nobody will eat. (Duh! S’mores bar!)
I suggested letting Thing C wear Chuck Taylor high tops because they are his daily shoe and I want the personalities of our children to be represented. YBW wasn’t too sure about that…but I think he’s coming around. He was very specific about writing our own vows, something I hadn’t even thought about.
I’m adamant about being “prayed over” or “blessed” and he has no care about this one way or another.
We’re figuring out how we want to present the joining of our lives the the people we love. We’re figuring out how we want to do this together. One step at a time. We’re walking these steps together and that’s really all that matters.

Categories: wedding | Tags: anxious, caterer, excited, excitement, fun, happy, love, menu tasting, Naked Mountain Winery, photographer, photographs, portfolios, s'mores bar, traditional, wedding, wedding planning, winery, YBW | Leave a comment

Happy Friday!

Posted on January 23, 2015 by robynbird

I’ve had a hellish week but this song changed my mood this morning so I wanted to share it with you!
Happy Friday!

Categories: me | Tags: change in attitude, fun, good mood, happy, happy friday, i dig music, music, Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast, music tames the, new shoes, or bend a knotted oak, paolo nutini, to soften rocks | Leave a comment

Y’all come now, ya hear?

Posted on January 1, 2015 by robynbird

The room that was originally built as an eclectic teen space for Thing 2 has been re-imagined into a serene retreat. A place I will occasionally visit when I need to “go away for the weekend” but not really leave home. My friend and mentor has claimed it as her own, much to by YBW’s and my delight. Now to get her here from Charleston…
I’m pleased with the way it turned out and look forward to folks I love coming to lay their head and stay with us a while.

The en suite bathroom has yet to be painted, though I’ve finally settled on a color choice. The enormous closet is filled with boxes and boxes line the wall. Boxes of my family things that came home to me from Richmond and the with holidays I haven’t made time to unpack and sort.
I’ll get around to that pretty quickly. I’m itching to see what’s in those boxes and ready for the mini project of painting that bathroom.

Y’all come now, ya hear?

Categories: around the house | Tags: around the house, come for a visit, family, family and friends, friends, guest space, guestroom, guests, happy, home, retreat, serene retreat, YBW | 2 Comments

the little things mean the most

Posted on November 30, 2014 by robynbird

I went to Richmond yesterday to pick up my mother’s things from her husband. These include ‘family’ things from my mother’s maternal and paternal families, as well as things that belonged specifically my beloved Grandaddy, and all the photographic evidence of the first fifteen years of my life.
I peeked in some of the boxes as YBW and I brought them into the house and the item that brought me sobbing tears of joy was Grandaddy’s bible.

Grandaddy’s bible

Inside there are pictures of my grandmother and Mommie when she was a little girl, these photos have been in his bible ever since I can remember…of course they’ve most likely been there since they were developed in the 50’s.
I guess it doesn’t really matter how long they’ve actually been in there because they’re still there now and they are mine.
My delight is immeasurable!

Bettye and Mary E

Categories: love, me | Tags: beloved, bible, blessings, delight, family, feelings, Grandaddy, grandfathers and grandaughters, happy, joy, love, paternal families, photographic evidence, photos, pictures, YBW | Leave a comment

kiss your brain

Posted on November 23, 2014 by robynbird

I don’t normally love Thanksgiving. I mean the actual ‘holiday’, not the concept. To me it’s just an inconvenient stop between Halloween and Christmas. I am thankful all my days…I don’t need a specific day to celebrate my gratitude. I have an issue with the conspicuous consumption of food on Thanksgiving Day. Now, I absolutely love food, but it seems to me that Thanksgiving is more about celebrating gluttony than giving thanks.

All of that said, I have to admit I’m actually feeling enthusiastic about Thanksgiving this year. There are two reasons for this. The first reason is even though my child won’t be living in it, the basement is finally finished and we are beginning to put our home and our lives back together.
The second is because I ordered all my food from Wegmans this year.
The entire meal, from turkey to cranberries, completely cooked, packaged up and ready for me to heat and serve. This feels equally wrong and right. I’m perfectly capable of making Thanksgiving dinner for eight, but I don’t really want to. Wegmans has everything I need for a price I couldn’t argue. I’d have spent just as much gathering all the ingredients.
I’m a teeny bit ashamed of myself…but I’m so relieved I’m not going to be stuck in the kitchen all damn day and missing the thing I love about Thanksgiving…the Macy’s Parade. Won’t be stuck in the kitchen all damn day while people lounge on the giant sofa in front of football games.
I’ll heat that food, serve it up pretty, have other people clear and clean up and enjoy my day.
There will be a teeny bit of me that is ashamed for not cooking…I’ll just pour her another glass of wine and she’ll shut up quickly enough.

I’m thankful for the people in my life, my family and friends and the love we share. For my home where I feel safe and loved.
I’m especially thankful for a man who loves me because I’m me and not for what he’d like me to be.
I’m thankful I am so close with my co-teacher, that she and I were meant to be in a classroom together, that we make each other better teachers.
I’m thankful for words. Word that have been written, words not yet written.
I’m thankful for art, all kinds of visual art, but mostly books and music.
I’m thankful for Macy’s and their parade because it really does bring me joy even though I cry every year when Santa arrives.
I’m thankful for Wegmans and their delicious food and reasonable pricing.
And wine! I’m SO thankful for wine!

There is a wonderful teacher in my school who has the most precious habit of encouraging her students to “kiss their brains”. They do this by kissing their hands and placing them on their heads. She encourages them to do this when the are attempting to learn, when they have learned or when they just need a bit of reassurance.
I love this practice!
I’m thankful for my brain, for everything it helps me do.
I kiss my brain.
And I encourage you to do the same.

Categories: me | Tags: art, blessings, books, brains, early childhood education, family, food, football, friendship, gluttony, grateful, gratitude, happy, holiday, home, kiss your brain, love, Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, music, preschool, safe, teaching, thankful, thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day, Thanksgiving dinner, Wegmans, wine, words | 1 Comment

September was a blur!

Posted on October 10, 2014 by robynbird

September was a blur!
So much for writing twice a week…(I’m going to need for you to get it together, Robynbird.)

Thing 2 finally got sorted…not at school though, she worked herself up to literally (And I understand the meaning of the word, K?) foaming at the mouth she was so anxious. So after many tears, and a great deal of patience on all our parts, she has decided to get her high school equivalent and begin community college in January. Is this the plan I had for her? No. Do I think she gave going back to high school her all? No. But I do believe she feels more comfortable with this plan. She has passed all the pretests with good indication she’ll pass the GED test, and she is actively researching courses at NOVA with talk of transferring to a “proper” college in two years. (Just in case you aren’t aware, there are SO MANY wonderful Virginia schools to choose from.)
So, Thing 2 is employed at a job she really enjoys, ready to pass her tests, ready to enroll in community college, and just about ready to move into her new digs in the basement. All in all, I feel good about this, for her, and in general.

As for moving into her new digs…we’ve hired contractors to create a bathroom, bedroom (With a pretty spectacular closet.), and a big ol’ family/rec room in the unfinished basement. They started a week ago yesterday and in that time have framed, put in three windows and a six foot door, all the electrical and plumbing…and when I say plumbing, I mean they started with a jackhammer as there was no rough in. Yesterday the inspector came with two big thumbs and Monday we will have drywall. WOW!
So Thing 2 has chosen a sink and cabinet, a loo, tile, and paint colors for her bathroom…and bedding for her bedroom, but cannot seem to commit to a color choice for her bedroom. We went to Benjamin Moore earlier this week and she totally choked. She just shut down completely. I’ve seen her do it before and knew the signs. I just watched it happen, powerless to stop it. So…yeah, I’m going to need for her to get it together with a quickness.

I had surgery on my foot in September and am now on week three of being non weight bearing. Not that I’m a complainer or anything…but I’m kind of over it. Want to use two feet instead of one foot and crutches or one foot and a knee scooter. But as my beloved Grandaddy would have said, “You’re old enough for your wants not to hurt you.” At least they finally removed the stitches so I can wash my foot! I mean really wash it, you know with soap and water and a scrubbie. It’s like my own little Christmas being able to clean my stinky foot!
I know the surgery was successful because when I woke up, there was no pain, and not the anesthesia and pain killer kind of no pain, the kind of no pain that was the exact opposite of the excruciating pain I’d been in for the two weeks prior to the surgery. I’m pain free! But I can’t walk…yet.

YBW and I went to our twenty fifth high school reunion the last weekend of September! We went to see people we see frequently (Sundance) and people we only see every five or ten years, me on my scooter with the big boot on my gimp foot and a sassy high heeled shoe on the good foot, and YBW with two good feet.
Friday night was…blech. I couldn’t move around because the space was tight and a girl I knew briefly my sophomore year was hammered when we got there and latched on to me with stories of our deep and meaningful friendship and never left my side. Even Sundance couldn’t save me from that.
The next night was better. The venue was larger and I was able to get around a bit. There were less people there so we got to spend more time in smaller groups. But the most amazing thing about that night was that YBW stood up in front of all those people we went to high school with and asked me to be his wife.
OHMYGOD! I know! I was totally peeing my pants! (Sorry, that was my super squealy teenage girl voice.)
Seriously, it was the most precious thing, he got up and talked about how we began dating after our twentieth reunion and have been together for five years, four of which were long distance. He talked about how we love each other’s kids and how the words boyfriend and girlfriend seem strange words to use because we’re adults. But then he said he found a word he wanted to call me, he wanted to call me his wife. Then he walked to me and got down on one knee with the most perfect diamond in his hand.

I was shocked! Not that he asked me, because we decide in the summer we were going to get married…shocked that he did it in a room full of people that we never really see or have real relationships with, shocked that he did it in such a grandiose way.
Shock moved quickly aside and the joy has come a calling.

It’s big, happy, exciting news! We are filled with love and joy. We are accepting congratulations. We are using the word fiancé gratuitously. (But only to each other.) We are planning for the fall next year, and on the sixth anniversary of dating, we will be married.
All four Things are overjoyed for us and eager to celebrate with us.
Family and friends are supportive and loving.
I feel giggly and excited, but I also feel like I’m coming home.

Categories: love | Tags: basement, bathroom, bedroom, benjamin moore, blessings, boot, color, construction, crutches, diamond ring, diamonds, engaged, feelings, fiance, finished basement, foot surgery, GED, happy, high school, high school reunion, knee scooter, love, NVCC, relationships, reunion, wedding planning, YBW | 4 Comments

hearth-fires and holocausts

Posted on September 11, 2014 by robynbird

Thing 2 is here!
It’s been really positive and she’s enthusiastic about starting over. She decided she was ready to go back to proper brick and mortar high school. (This was a difficult choice for her as she has to be a junior again instead of being a senior. But she made it and she’s feeling strongly about it.)
We went back to school clothes shopping and got everything she needed from skivvies to sweaters. Shopping is interesting with Thing 2, I always learn something new about her and we have hilarious dressing room conversations!
She got a job today and a brand new do. Things are certainly going her way.
We go tomorrow to register her for classes. She’s picked out what she’s going to wear and has a notebook and pens in her new school bags.
It has been VERY positive. I overheard her tell someone she was so glad she was here and it was a good choice.

And then…
She just came downstairs with tears in her eyes and told me she was going to bed. I asked if she was OK and she just shook her head. I asked if I could help and she shook her head. She headed back up the steps and I asked if she needed to talk about it. She called back, “It won’t help.”

My initial inclination is to rush to her and work my ass off to make it better for her. But something strange is happening. It occurred to me that she needed to feel whatever it is she’s feeling. She needs to mourn the loss of her friends. She needs to shed that old layer in order to feel at home in her new environment.
She can cope with sadness. She can cope with feeling stressed about all the change. She can even cope, albeit not really well, with the anxiety of starting a new school.
It is extremely difficult for me to “sit this one out”, but I can’t fix this for her, I can only be available when she needs me.

She’s anxious about meeting people. “Cool people, not because they’re popular, but because they look like cool people I’d like to hang out with.”
She’s a bit of a hipster, that Thing 2 of mine. She wants to hang out with quirky people like her, but not end up in social Siberia. She doesn’t want to be popular, she wants to be real. She likes to play D & D. She likes eclectic music. She’s got a sassy personal fashion style. She wants to be engaged while functioning through her own special brand of awkward.

I want to go up and get all snuggly in her bed with her and feel as though I’m helping her feel better. I think that’s about me.
I trust her to sort it.
On the other hand, she’s been left to sort it for the last year all by herself.
So, I can offer love. I can listen. I can encourage.

When I think of my baby, I am reminded of Jimmy Stewart’s beautiful words in The Philadelphia Story: “You’re lit from within. You’ve got fires banked down in you, hearth-fires and holocausts. You’re made out of flesh and blood. That’s the blank, unholy surprise of it. You’re the golden girl. Full of life and warmth and delight.
I believe there is a part of her that realizes this about herself.
I aim to make sure of that.

Categories: love, on being a mom | Tags: adventure, anxiety, coping, daughters, eclectic, excited, family, feelings, fun, happy, hearth-fires and holocausts, hipster, home, lit from within, loss, love, motherhood, mothers, mothers and daughters, moving, new home, new job, new school, parenting, peace, quirky, relationships, sad, sadness, sassy, saying goodbye, snuggly, starting over, teenagers, unconditional love | Leave a comment

how exercising patience made it better

Posted on August 27, 2014 by robynbird

Thing 2 is coming home to roost in MY nest.
The joy this brings me in indescribable! Though, quite possibly not for the reasons you might think. Of course I want to be nearer my baby. BUT I believe she’ll be better off where there is more stability, a solid foundation of extended family to help support her. As well as two “brothers” who adore her and want her to actively be a part of their life, a YBW who has opened his arms and home to her and wants to do everything in his power to make her transition as smooth as possible. Mostly she’ll have her Mommy. And for that girl and this Mommy, that is paramount. She and I have a connect that transcends time and space and I believe we both miss it.
Thing 2 needs to feel safe.

Sundance told me she thinks Thing 2 is afraid she has to ask me to be her Mommy again and isn’t sure how to deal with that. My response was I never stopped being her Mommy. Perhaps she’ll realize that.

Thing 2 texted me about wanting to talk to me if I had time. When we talked she said: May I come live with you? I’m ready to be there with you. My child asked permission to be in my home…perhaps Sundance has a point.
Yes, yes! A thousand times yes!

YBW is a bit nervous about having a teenage girl in our home…he’s never really been around one. But he’s open and excited.

I talked with Thing 2 just yesterday and she’s so excited, she’s packed up most of her things and planning how to pack the rest and excited for the Mommy – Thing 2 road trip. She’s planning her room and what she wants to study when she goes back to school. She told me she had the worst year, that she completely effed it up. But she’s ready to get her life back. She texted me: Aspirations! Ah!!
The fire in her belly that was just sad little embers for the last eighteen months or so has once again become an inferno. She is ready to take her life back.

I couldn’t be more supportive of this if I’d invented it. I’m ready for Thing 2 to be the real Thing 2 because that’s what’s best for her. And she deserves to be the best Thing 2 she can be.

My friend and mentor has been very invested in every moment of this process. We talked last night on the phone and she asked about Thing 2, we talked about the goings on…how I’d been patient and respectful of where Thing 2 was. Then she said something that rang so true in me.
She said: You have been present with her though all her craziness.

Isn’t that what Mommies do?

Categories: love, me, on being a mom | Tags: aspirations, being present, blessings, coming home to roost, craziness, daughters, excitement, family, fire in your belly, fun, giggles, happy, home, joy, love, motherhood, mothers, mothers and daughters, parenting, patience, relationships, starting again, teenagers, Thing 2, unconditional love, YBW | 2 Comments

it can’t be a contest if I choose not to particpate

Posted on August 7, 2014 by robynbird

Thing 2 told her father she’s coming to live here in the fall…this was her decision and hers alone. I offered to help her tell him, she told me she wanted to do it herself, partly because it was her plan and she wanted to advocate for it and partly because she knew if I was involved he’d think I was coercing her. Thing 2 is very bright.

She told him on Tuesday, and this is the email he sent to me Wednesday. Following that is my response this morning.

I am thrilled FOR my daughter, not because she’ll be with me, but because she is ready to climb out of the hole he helped her dig. She’s climbing out all by herself. I couldn’t be more proud.

I don’t understand this “you win” nonsense…but then I have never played the game.

(email he sent early Wednesday morning)
I don’t know where to start and wish I didn’t have to. The idea of letting Thing 2 go to Va. just hurts me so, but it is probably the best thing for her. I just want her to be in the best place for her to grow. Living here has been a slow learning process for her and I feel to blame for that just because she has been home alone far more than she should have been. I have to work and keep the bills paid, food on the table and have entertainment expenses. If she had gone to CHS this past year it may have been a different result and I believe better.
You have gone to Va. and tried to make a new life for yourself but I have been left to try to make a life here where my life of taking care of my family has been twisted to become something different. I am not sure what I can do to help Thing 2 here now that I have committed to the expenses of this house but it would have been the best thing for Thing 2 if she had stayed in school at CHS. I could give up and make my expenses less but now she wants to create a new life in Virginia and that may be the best thing for her.
So now I have to go to work like always and soon I must find a way to make a new life for me.
You Win……..JM

(my resonse)
JM,
The fact that you said, “you win” makes me feel sad and kind of sick.
Nobody wins here. Thing 2 failed her junior year and wants to drop out of high school.
Everybody fails.

I agree she would have been better off at CHS…and that might have been able to happen second semester had she been able to get it together enough to pass first semester and transfer back. But she was not supported by the people who are supposed to support her. We are her parents. We must behave like parents and support our children.
We failed her.

You work the way you work, the way you’ve always worked. It’s not an excuse, it just is.
I understand you’re having to reconfigure the plan of your life. I understand that it’s hard. You’ve stood on your own two feet financially since you bought your first house…now you have to figure out how to stand on your own two feet emotionally, and it’s hard, and you don’t have much practice…so it’s going to feel icky, and I’m sad that it’s icky for you.

I had nothing to do with Thing 2’s decision. She called me and asked if she could come here, asked if she could be in my home. My babies will always have a home wherever I am, I can not, did not tell her no.
I did not feel that I’ve “won” anything. I don’t view those girls as a contest with you. I don’t consider them items with which to hurt and humiliate you. They are my babies. I will always work tirelessly to do what I believe is best for them.
Thing 2 believes she will find success by relocating her life, I support that, not because she’s coming here to where I am, but because I heard her voice, heard the long dormant fire in her belly crackling as she spoke to me. Heard her planning, and being excited to plan, her future.

The fact that you say I’ve won makes me think you’ve got it all wrong…I don’t believe it’s a contest.
I chose to do what I believed was best for me when you decided what was best for you was for me to be away from you. I saw your seriousness and chose to make arrangements to leave when you expressed your desire for change.
I never saw any of our life as a contest, that feels hurtful, as though knowing you and loving you is somehow negated. If it’s a contest then we’ve both lost.

I don’t like that you’re hurting. I have not liked hurting. I don’t understand what happened to the kindness between us, I guess it went away when it turned into some kind of contest.
I choose not to participate in any contest with you. I choose to just be. I choose to just care.

Thing 2 needs something, she’s looking for something, perhaps she’ll find it here, perhaps not. But she’s looking. I don’t want to discourage that.
R

So the high road pays off…my friend and mentor will love that!

Categories: divorce, me, on being a mom | Tags: blessings, contest, coparenting, daughters, divorce, excuses, failed, family, fathers and daughters, feelings, happiness, happy, high road, home, love, manipulation, motherhood, mothers and daughters, moving, not a game, parenting, passive aggressive, relationships, sadness, sharing, taking the high road, teenagers, unconditional love, winning and losing | 2 Comments

fearfully and wonderfully made

Posted on April 24, 2014 by robynbird

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Sometimes I need to remind myself of that. I get bogged down in the mire of my own…what? Well, concept of self, I guess.
The way it has felt like just surviving and not really living.
My birthday is coming and it occurs to me I don’t feel as ‘old’ (worn out) right now as I’ve felt in the recent past. I believe it’s because I feel safe and can let myself go. For so long I had no place to root, no place to spread my branches, I was bundled in burlap struggling with just as little water and light as possible. But now, I am digging in my roots and opening up and feeling blessed by the light that touches me. This is me living.
Life is wacky. It might always be.
But I am not. I am alight.
I have the whole of the universe deep within me and also at my fingertips.
I am blessed, not by what I have, but by who I am.