Posts Tagged With: moving

packing + bubbly = celebration

I moved my boxes into the dining room this week.
I say this week…it was really just the last couple of days.
I only packed while Baby K slept. The first day I got three boxes packed. She (uncharacteristically) only slept for an hour. The second day our tiny human slept for about three hours and I got five boxes packed.

Thing 1 decided we needed to pop some bubbly while I packed my grandmother’s china.

Packing up one’s life should be a celebration, and we treated it as such!

Categories: around the house | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

one step at a time

All the books are packed.
All the journals are packed.
Most of the decorative storage boxes of office supplies are packed.
Most of the photos and smaller wall art is packed.
YBW’s office is packed.
All the boxes are in the back bedroom.
(don’t yet have a box long enough for my sugar mold gel pen holder but one will appear, I’m sure of it)

The bookshelf, tall dresser, vanity table and bench came out of our bedroom and are currently in the middle bedroom awaiting a trip into storage.
The dresser in front of the window lives in that room, but will also go to storage.

My plan for the upstairs bedrooms is to leave only the beds for staging when the house is on the market. The exception is the room Baby K is in now, it’ll return to an office-type space with one of my three work tables and one small shelving unit.

In our bedroom, I’ve packed things and moved furniture to show off the space potential to prospective buyers.

On the bookshelf is my TBR, journals and my planner, other things I actually need, like pens and pencils and sharpies.
The Marylin Monroe doll obviously still needs to be packed, as well as my pomander.
Next to the bookshelf are boxes for Thing 2. The bottom two are music and media, the next one is comics and books. The one on top is a box I haven’t finished packing but wanted out of the way.

In our bedroom, all that needs to happen now is paint and new flooring. In the other upstairs bedrooms, just new flooring, as they’ve all been painted in the last year or two.

On the main living level, music and media is all done, and there is literally nothing on the walls. The back living room and YBW’s office are ready to go. A few pieces of furniture will got into storage. The front room (formal living room) needs to have one thing packed and then three pieces will go to storage.
I’ll start packing the dining room this week.
Once everything is packed, it’ll go to storage and we can paint.
Then flooring.

I was worried about time…will I have enough? Can I get everything done?
Y’all! I’m not trying to jinx myself or anything, but I’m kicking this process right in its ass!
Timing is currently going according to our plan…
I’m grateful that it doesn’t feel too chaotic. I’m grateful I feel like I’m in charge of the situation and it’s not eating me alive.
One step at a time, yo.
I’ve got this!

Categories: around the house | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

portable magic is actually pretty heavy

I packed books the other day.
Thing 1 came to help.
In a matter of a couple of hours we managed to clear one of the two bookshelves.
I use both sides of these shelves, so we packed twelve boxes.

The books left on the other side are my TBRs I’m leaving them not only to have access to them for actual reading, but for staging when the time comes.

Stephen King said: Books are uniquely portable magic and I’m with him every step of the way. Though I find them less uniquely portable when they’re packed in heavy boxes.

When she woke from her nap, Baby K came to help.
Help is a fluid word when you’re a toddler.
I specifically built this box so she and her dolly (also called Birdie) could play in it.

Though that didn’t last long because she was much less helpful after she climbed out of the box. And we stopped packing all together when she discovered the drawer of highlighters.

I’m about to get after the rest of the other shelf, then I’ll pack all my journals.
I’ll move to the dining room next. The china cabinet and buffet won’t pack themselves. Then I can work on removing the rest of the art and photos from the walls.
We’ve got a plan to store some things going to the new house or to Thing 1’s (future) house to make it simpler for us when the painters come, and when the guys come to do the flooring. Then we’ll be minimally staged and ready when it comes time to put the house on the market.
One step at a time, y’all.

Categories: around the house | Tags: , , , , , , | 7 Comments

and so it begins

I ordered boxes and packing material.
They’re scheduled to arrive today.
YBW and I did a little dance around quantity and pricing when it came to what I wanted to order from Uline. He asked for half an hour to do some research to see what he could find.
He found packing paper cheaper. But he had to go get it. But it saved on shipping.
I wanted to have everything brought to me so I could begin working straight away.
We talked about how the lion’s share of the work packing this house and getting it ready will fall to me. I’m cool with that. I was clear about wanting to have enough of the proper tools to do the job.
He agreed completely.
He wanted me to have enough of the proper tools at the best price.
I agreed completely.

I’m not in a huge hurry to get this process started. What I mean is, I’m not eager to create chaos in the form of boxes and packing paper. I’m not eager to empty certain things from certain spaces in our house.
I’m not eager to live in chaos.
Even if it was just YBW and me, and not our daughter’s family, I’d not be eager to live in the chaos, but I hate to think I’m creating chaos for them too.
Yeah, yeah, they knew what they were getting into and all that…but still…

Anyway, I’ll begin with books, dishes and glassware. I’ll sort out all the music and media requested by our kids and pack what little we’ve decided to keep. I’ll remove art and photos from the walls.
This will make it easier to have the house painted in the next month or so. Even if I end up doing some of it myself.

I’m feeling a bit anxious, but I’m also feeling motivated.
I do love a project.
And though this one is huge, I can break it down into manageable portions.

I’ve moved twelve times in my life. And thrice before I was old enough to remember. I’m an excellent organizer. I’m an excellent packer.
My sense of adventure is tingling. My concept of how we’ll live in the new house inspires.
I’ll be leaning heavily on that as I prepare this house for our departure.

Leaving this house will be hard for YBW. He’s lived here nearly twenty three years. He raised his babies in this house. Saying goodbye will hurt his soul a bit. Moving from here will take a different kind of organization and packing for my husband. If I can take the pressure of organizing and packing the physical things off him, perhaps it will ease his emotional pressure.

He always says to me, “Your life would be boring without me.” Oftentimes this is after a particularly bad joke/pun, or when he’s being especially annoying with intent.
But he’s not wrong about it as it applies to moving house.
The new house was his idea. His dream. I was enthusiastic about getting on board and it became a shared dream.
As I begin the packing up of this house, I’ll hear his words. Sometimes when I hear them I’ll chuckle, others I’ll grumble. But I’ll always agree.

Please send all good vibes for efficient packing and prep.
I’ll be so very grateful.

Categories: around the house | Tags: , , , , , , | 6 Comments

the hard hat tour

YBW and I are planning to move.
We have chosen the perfect home in the perfect spot.

These townhomes are within walking distance to YBW’s office. Literally right across the street from our favorite grocery store. And closer to the university where I’ll be spending so much time in the next two years.
We’ve been tracking this neighborhood since the first rumors of building in the area began.
We’ve become rather friendly with the sales staff. They know exactly which unit in which building we want. They know we’re unwilling to settle for anything else.

Of course as with all building everything happens in phases.
The unit we want is in the far end of the fourth building, which is the end of the second building phase. The builder opened the first two buildings for deposits before construction even started, but put sales on hold for a while until building really gets going. Of the first fifteen units, there are only four or five that remain.
The latest information we have is deposits for the third building will open in the spring, and for the fourth building in the late summer or early fall. Each with delivery approximately a year after.

Saturday afternoon the sales office hosted a ‘hard hat tour’.
An invitation to come ask questions, have nibbles, and check out construction.
Also in this new neighborhood there are smaller townhomes and multi level condos. These units were open for touring in their initial state of construction. The larger townhomes (the ones we’re interested in) only have preliminary building started.
After chatting with the sales staff and getting an updated deposit date, YBW and I bundled up to brave snow, sleet, and cold winds to check out the new construction and walk the property to where our building will be.

This snow covered pile of rocks and semi-frozen mud upon which YBW stands is where we plan to live in late summer/early fall 2021.

It’s an interesting bit of living and retail space in a larger office and (light) industrial area. But none of it feels out of place. The development of the area makes sense for the way people in Northern Virginia live.
We’re looking forward to being in a less suburban area. We like the idea of being able to walk more and drive less. And YBW is all about walking to and from work every day!

There are walking trails and an adorable creek down the hill behind the building site.

Of course it’ll be prettier in the spring, summer, and fall than it is now, but even now, it’s not too bad.

While we’re excited about the prospect of making this our home, we’re keeping in the back of our mind that it may not go the way we plan.
But, we’re doing everything we can to make sure it goes our way.
I am hopeful our plans will become reality.
I have faith that this is meant for us.
I can be mindful and excited at the same time.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

in lieu of a nap

YBW’s mom is leaving her apartment in the fancy retirement building for a much smaller one in the next door assisted living building. We’ve spent the last two days helping her sort what to take, what to leave behind, and dividing things between our family and YBW’s brother’s family. I adore YBW’s brother, but he is inept at packing, loading and moving. So much so, that I could do nothing but stand, mouth agape when I opened the back of the truck to find such disarray, and the china cabinet tipped over, glass broken into a cardillion pieces. 

That’s when I started running the show. I’m in NO way “tooting my own horn” here. I’ve packed and moved enough times that I’ve got a particular knack for it. The fierce compulsion for order doesn’t hurt when it’s time to organize. I’ve felt the need to tread very softly through this process as it’s complicated enough without “the new girl” trying to run the show. YBW did call me Wonder Woman and praise my mad skills. (I totally heart him!)

Now it’s all over, I’m feeling a bit puny. I’m tired, have a wicked bruise on my right thigh and a little achey all over. We grabbed dinner on the way home where I murdered a gigantic cheeseburger and drank a really tall beer. We talked about wanting a nap, but realized it was simply too late to try that today. My solution is a tubby full of hot water and my iPad to binge a bit of House of Cards. I’m just dying to see what the Underwoods are up to. 

Bed will soon follow and I’m going to sleep as long as humanly possible tomorrow. (Which for me, most likely means till 7:30.) Thats OK, it’s still later than my normal 5:00.

More “wintery mix” is in out forecast tomorrow and I’m going to lie low, possibly organize my new bookshelf, and lie low some more. This week was shite and I deserve it. 

Categories: love, me | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

hearth-fires and holocausts

Thing 2 is here!
It’s been really positive and she’s enthusiastic about starting over. She decided she was ready to go back to proper brick and mortar high school. (This was a difficult choice for her as she has to be a junior again instead of being a senior. But she made it and she’s feeling strongly about it.)
We went back to school clothes shopping and got everything she needed from skivvies to sweaters. Shopping is interesting with Thing 2, I always learn something new about her and we have hilarious dressing room conversations!
She got a job today and a brand new do. Things are certainly going her way.
We go tomorrow to register her for classes. She’s picked out what she’s going to wear and has a notebook and pens in her new school bags.
It has been VERY positive. I overheard her tell someone she was so glad she was here and it was a good choice.

And then…
She just came downstairs with tears in her eyes and told me she was going to bed. I asked if she was OK and she just shook her head. I asked if I could help and she shook her head. She headed back up the steps and I asked if she needed to talk about it. She called back, “It won’t help.”

My initial inclination is to rush to her and work my ass off to make it better for her. But something strange is happening. It occurred to me that she needed to feel whatever it is she’s feeling. She needs to mourn the loss of her friends. She needs to shed that old layer in order to feel at home in her new environment.
She can cope with sadness. She can cope with feeling stressed about all the change. She can even cope, albeit not really well, with the anxiety of starting a new school.
It is extremely difficult for me to “sit this one out”, but I can’t fix this for her, I can only be available when she needs me.

She’s anxious about meeting people. “Cool people, not because they’re popular, but because they look like cool people I’d like to hang out with.”
She’s a bit of a hipster, that Thing 2 of mine. She wants to hang out with quirky people like her, but not end up in social Siberia. She doesn’t want to be popular, she wants to be real. She likes to play D & D. She likes eclectic music. She’s got a sassy personal fashion style. She wants to be engaged while functioning through her own special brand of awkward.

I want to go up and get all snuggly in her bed with her and feel as though I’m helping her feel better. I think that’s about me.
I trust her to sort it.
On the other hand, she’s been left to sort it for the last year all by herself.
So, I can offer love. I can listen. I can encourage.

When I think of my baby, I am reminded of Jimmy Stewart’s beautiful words in The Philadelphia Story: “You’re lit from within. You’ve got fires banked down in you, hearth-fires and holocausts. You’re made out of flesh and blood. That’s the blank, unholy surprise of it. You’re the golden girl. Full of life and warmth and delight.
I believe there is a part of her that realizes this about herself.
I aim to make sure of that.

Categories: love, on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

it can’t be a contest if I choose not to particpate

Thing 2 told her father she’s coming to live here in the fall…this was her decision and hers alone. I offered to help her tell him, she told me she wanted to do it herself, partly because it was her plan and she wanted to advocate for it and partly because she knew if I was involved he’d think I was coercing her. Thing 2 is very bright.

She told him on Tuesday, and this is the email he sent to me Wednesday. Following that is my response this morning.

I am thrilled FOR my daughter, not because she’ll be with me, but because she is ready to climb out of the hole he helped her dig. She’s climbing out all by herself. I couldn’t be more proud.

I don’t understand this “you win” nonsense…but then I have never played the game.

(email he sent early Wednesday morning)
I don’t know where to start and wish I didn’t have to. The idea of letting Thing 2 go to Va. just hurts me so, but it is probably the best thing for her. I just want her to be in the best place for her to grow. Living here has been a slow learning process for her and I feel to blame for that just because she has been home alone far more than she should have been. I have to work and keep the bills paid, food on the table and have entertainment expenses. If she had gone to CHS this past year it may have been a different result and I believe better.
You have gone to Va. and tried to make a new life for yourself but I have been left to try to make a life here where my life of taking care of my family has been twisted to become something different. I am not sure what I can do to help Thing 2 here now that I have committed to the expenses of this house but it would have been the best thing for Thing 2 if she had stayed in school at CHS. I could give up and make my expenses less but now she wants to create a new life in Virginia and that may be the best thing for her.
So now I have to go to work like always and soon I must find a way to make a new life for me.
You Win……..JM

(my resonse)
JM,
The fact that you said, “you win” makes me feel sad and kind of sick.
Nobody wins here. Thing 2 failed her junior year and wants to drop out of high school.
Everybody fails.

I agree she would have been better off at CHS…and that might have been able to happen second semester had she been able to get it together enough to pass first semester and transfer back. But she was not supported by the people who are supposed to support her. We are her parents. We must behave like parents and support our children.
We failed her.

You work the way you work, the way you’ve always worked. It’s not an excuse, it just is.
I understand you’re having to reconfigure the plan of your life. I understand that it’s hard. You’ve stood on your own two feet financially since you bought your first house…now you have to figure out how to stand on your own two feet emotionally, and it’s hard, and you don’t have much practice…so it’s going to feel icky, and I’m sad that it’s icky for you.

I had nothing to do with Thing 2’s decision. She called me and asked if she could come here, asked if she could be in my home. My babies will always have a home wherever I am, I can not, did not tell her no.
I did not feel that I’ve “won” anything. I don’t view those girls as a contest with you. I don’t consider them items with which to hurt and humiliate you. They are my babies. I will always work tirelessly to do what I believe is best for them.
Thing 2 believes she will find success by relocating her life, I support that, not because she’s coming here to where I am, but because I heard her voice, heard the long dormant fire in her belly crackling as she spoke to me. Heard her planning, and being excited to plan, her future.

The fact that you say I’ve won makes me think you’ve got it all wrong…I don’t believe it’s a contest.
I chose to do what I believed was best for me when you decided what was best for you was for me to be away from you. I saw your seriousness and chose to make arrangements to leave when you expressed your desire for change.
I never saw any of our life as a contest, that feels hurtful, as though knowing you and loving you is somehow negated. If it’s a contest then we’ve both lost.

I don’t like that you’re hurting. I have not liked hurting. I don’t understand what happened to the kindness between us, I guess it went away when it turned into some kind of contest.
I choose not to participate in any contest with you. I choose to just be. I choose to just care.

Thing 2 needs something, she’s looking for something, perhaps she’ll find it here, perhaps not. But she’s looking. I don’t want to discourage that.
R

So the high road pays off…my friend and mentor will love that!

Categories: divorce, me, on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

lunch at El Pobs

Went to lunch with my former husband today, it was fun and bittersweet all in one fell swoop.
We ate Mexican food (I drank a margarita) and talked about random day to day things…job stuff and practical stuff, but mostly we talked about Thing 1 and Thing 2 and what it’s like to be their parents. We discussed how it will be as we move forward and parent from two entirely different physical places. We discussed faults (without any real blame) for behaviors and actions specific to Thing 1, and he apologized. We talked about how it will be to trade Thing 2 back and forth over 500 miles and that it will most likely be a very good experience for her.

We’ve been lucky to remain close even though we’re no longer a couple, but I believe it’s because we were friends before we were a couple to begin with…and actually, we were more best friends who raised kids together than anything else and that’s just fine with me.
Now this is not to say we didn’t have bad times, because did we ever! And he is manipulative and passive aggressive and I am selfish, stubborn, and controlling…honestly I’m not sure how either one of us stood the other for as long as we did.
But the love is real and it won’t ever go away.

I’ve known him since I was seventeen years old, he knows all my history and I know all his. I’ve known him for over a quarter century, had his name for more than half my life. We have been through the good, the bad, the indifferent…it was hellish and it was lovely. I broke his heart when I chose to end our marriage, I’ll always be sorry for that but I will never be sorry for deciding to do what was best for both of us.

I’m glad he and I made those two Things. I’m glad I got to be a stay at home mommy for so long, to play and learn and love those awe inspiring girls. They are my babies, my heart, and I wouldn’t have them if it wasn’t for him.

I feel overjoyed knowing in four short days I’m going to be in my new life, with the man I love. I deserve every bit of the happiness I’m about to experience.
I wish the Things daddy his every heart’s happiness too, I hope he chooses to embrace it, whatever it may be.

Categories: divorce, love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

But where are the feels?

Everyone keeps asking if I’m “so excited”. Of course, I say I am but I’m sitting here this morning and I’m feeling pretty much anything but excited.
This morning I’m pouting because (I am not really a grown up) I can’t swing a visit with my friend and mentor before I leave next week.
I’m pouting, but I don’t feel petulant, I’m sad, I’m disappointed. My heart is heavy. But I had to make a responsible choice…a responsible financial choice. (Huh! Maybe I really am a grown up after all.)

I don’t feel excited. I don’t feel anything. (Well, obviously I feel pouty, I just said that.) But I want to feel excited! I want to be jumping up and down “pants peeing” excited!!
Am I so displaced at the moment I just can’t feel anything?
OR (this just occurred to me as I’m writing) is it that I’m suppressing my feelings, good and bad, so as not become overwhelmed by them? This actually seems more like me…so I’m not excited because I’m not feeling grief for the life I’m leaving, sadness at not being with Thing 2, anxiety about having to assimilate into YBW’s life, my new job, and how that might be.
(This is one of those moments I want to “Gibbs-slap” myself.) Instead, I’ll treat myself with kindness and love, and take the time to allow myself to feel all these things so I can begin to feel excited.
OH! WAIT! It’s because I don’t feel safe! I’m not settled! I’m struggling to write, I’m struggling to feel because I’m displaced…to quote Elvis Costello, “a man out of time”. (Except, of course I’m a girl and I’m not really out of time, I’m out of “home”…that song seemed applicable in my head so I went with it.)

And why am I judging how I “should” be feeling? Why don’t I just accept how it is?
I’m going to have to let myself feel or not feel as is natural!
I’m processing. I’m on the journey. I’m going to let go of the wheel for a split second and let it take me…
(Did I mention I’m a destination girl? The journey makes my ass twitch.)
I’m processing…I’ll feel what I feel when I feel it.
I think I’m excited somewhere in there…I know I’m ready for the next week to hurry up and go so I can get in my car with my precious Thing 2 and go home.
Yall get to come with me.

Categories: loss, love, me, peace and wellbeing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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