wedding

something shiny with your name on it

Posted on September 24, 2015 by robynbird

I ordered the wedding favors today.
Wine charms. Little silver discs stamped with each guest’s name.
I ordered them via Etsy from a girl in Kansas called Coco. I’m not sure why I love that so much. But it really tickles me.
I even ordered one for each of the children. Now, the little kids can’t drink wine, but everybody loves something shiny with their name on it. I’d love to see my little D tie his to his bike as a name plate…must remember to suggest that to his dad.

I have all the mad lib responses back except for one of Ben’s frat brothers who apparently lost the invitation, Sundance and her family, and my sister-in-law and her family.
Sundance knows I’m shaking my head at her, but I also know they’ll be there. Sundance has known YBW since they were in elementary school and Girlie Thing is reading at the wedding.
My sister-in-law and her family aren’t going to be able to make it. She and I have already talked about that. I am sad, but I understand. It’s about doing what’s right for your family, and right now them coming here for a weekend in October isn’t going to work. I told her that our love was solid and it was fine if they didn’t come. I do have a bit of sadness, but I understand how hard it is to make everything work for your family.
Thing 2 and Boyfriend D’s responses finally arrived early this week which made me SO happy!

I’ve given the final count to both the caterer and the event coordinator and the three of us will meet at the winery next week to make sure we’re well sorted.

There’s a laundry list of things that still need to be completed.
I’ve got time.
Sort of…next week is October. I better get a move on.

Categories: wedding | Tags: engraved, excitement, fun, love, mad libs, planning, response cards, silver discs, wedding, wedding favors, wedding planning, wine charms, winery | Leave a comment

It’s a date!

Posted on September 21, 2015 by robynbird

At our last pre-wedding meeting, A charged us to go on a date.
YBW and I side-eyed each other.

Pfft! We know how to go on a date.

Needless to say, she noticed our conceit and challenged us further. Instead of one date, we each had to come up with a date for the other with the strict stipulation that we couldn’t discuss wedding stuff.
One more smug look was a silent “we got this” and we were on our way.

The date I planned took us downtown for a picnic at the National Arboretum and a side trip to Oak Hill Cemetery. I broke the rule straight away in the car. YBW reminded me and I sat on my hands as long as I could stand it. But then I had a stroke of genus! Traveling to the date wasn’t actually being on the date. I immediately amended the rule to include wedding talk in the car but only until we arrived at our destination. (I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s Robynbird logic…just roll with it.)
Of course this time of year there isn’t much in bloom at the Arboretum, but that was actually beneficial because it meant less people.
The first thing we did on our date was split up. (I know…) But YBW wanted to see all the bonsai and I wanted to visit the herb garden.
I was fortunate to catch a few things still in bloom while successfully avoiding the bees gleaning the last little bit yummies before there were no more blossoms to be had.

The light was harsh, but I enjoyed my time behind the lens.

It may seem odd that the first thing YBW and I did on our date was walk in opposite directions, but neither of us wanted to follow the other around like a puppy so we did what we wanted to do knowing we’d end up in the same place. And as it turned out, just as I was finishing up in the herb garden, the most adorable man walked up and kissed me. Then we walked together up the hill to see the Capital columns.

Kinda pretty, don’tcha think?

We picnicked on fruit, veggies, potato salad, and cold fried chicken trying to figure out what was actually going on at the Grove of State Trees. We drove all around the arboretum, even out the non-existent road that was the original entrance.
Then it took forty minutes to drive about six miles. As we passed embassies I used the long lens of my camera to read the plaques over the doors and YBW teased that the red light cameras saw and we would be branded spies. I just laughed.
We got to Oak Hill Cemetery just in time to capitalize on the most glorious afternoon light.

Once again, we split up. Me meandering along looking for good shots on the way to Kay Graham’s gravesite. YBW playing Ingress…turns our cemeteries are ripe with portals for the hacking.

Allow me to quote Minerva from Midnight in the Garden, “To understand the living, you got to commune with the dead.” I’m a firm believer in this concept.
I love cemeteries. I love everything about them. The gravestones seem so natural in the environment, on the hillsides and under trees. I love the peaceful quiet. There was construction on R Street, and I mean jackhammer construction, but the further I walked into the cemetery the more quiet it became.

There was one place in the cemetery that wasn’t still. It was quiet, but there was work going on. I can’t believe it took me passing it twice before I realized what I was seeing.
Construction on the mausoleum of Ben Bradlee, one of my most beloved folk heroes! Qu’il repose en paix.

It’s a bit modern for my taste and for it’s location, but I wasn’t consulted…what are you gonna do?

YBW and I ended our day at a cafe table on the patio of a small restaurant in Old Town sipping cocktails of vodka laced iced tea.
Never once talking about the wedding.

Categories: love, me, wedding | Tags: bees, Ben Bradlee, cemeteries, date, flowers, fun, gravesite, gravestones, grove, iced tea, Ingress, Katharine Graham, love, National Arboretum, Oak Hill Cemetery, photography, photos, side eye, smug, to understand the living you got to commune with the dead, vodka, Washington DC, wedding, YBW | 1 Comment

I need to oodgey-goodgey!

Posted on August 19, 2015 by robynbird

You know anticipation when you’re waiting for someone or something to arrive?
You can’t go too far from your front door. You can’t stop looking looking at any flash or movement outside. You won’t even play music for fear of missing the doorbell.

Yeah, I know that anticipation…DHL has a package out for delivery. A package for me. A package that contains my wedding dress!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I need that delivery person to get it together and bring my dress before YBW gets home! I’ll need time to open it up and oodgey-goodgey over it without him here! (He is adamant that he doesn’t want to see it before the wedding day.)

UGH! COME ONE, ALREADY!

Categories: Uncategorized, wedding | Tags: anticipation, delivery, DHL, excited, excitement, oodgey goodgey, package, wedding, wedding dress | Leave a comment

for this is the recipe of love

Posted on August 18, 2015 by robynbird

I found this when I was going through my mother’s things.

It’s my Grandaddy’s handwriting. I’d recognize it anywhere.
I suspect it’s the toast he made at my parents wedding.
Now, my parents were an ill suited match, but they made me so I’m not going to complain. They were terribly unhappy together, and after my father left us, Mommie remained unhappy deep in her soul. Perhaps that unhappiness came to her when her mother died. I don’t know. I just know that it seemed to me that even though she would express real joy, she was always miserable down in her soul.

Grandaddy didn’t especially like my dad…but that could have been for any number of reasons.
My dad was only likable when he chose to be. Most times he was a right bastard. Of course, a childhood of abuse and a lifetime of hiding his sexual orientation contributed to that.

Grandaddy was a grumpy old thing. But he was helping to raise kids in his sixties and seventies. Oh! How I adored him. He was the first man I ever fell in love with. And quite possibly he was in love with me more than he had ever been with my mom. I think she knew it. I think she was jealous of that love. But, I don’t really care. That love was sacred and nothing will ever change that.

I’m being tangential as all get out…this post started out differently in my head…I’m going to try and make my way back to the reason I’m sharing this photo.

YBW and I have asked my niece, Girlie Thing, to read this at our wedding. Sundance was with me when I found the tiny envelope with Grandaddy’s writing. I knew then I wanted it to be a part of our wedding day.

As I go through the invitation and response lists, I realize my only blood family is Thing 1 and Thing 2. The family I made: Sundance and her babies, my darling friend in Arizona and her family, my friend and mentor, and my former husband’s little sister and her family, will be with me the day I wed the man I waited forty-four years to marry.
I have great sadness that Mommie never even met YBW. That my dad didn’t live long enough to be a part of this day, he adored YBW and our relationship.
My sadness about Grandaddy isn’t so much that he won’t know YBW or be at our wedding, it’s more that everyday missing him that resides deep in my heart.

All this said, I have wonderful people that I love who will celebrate with us on October 24. But with this tiny envelope, a bit of my parents and Grandaddy will be with me too. And that makes my heart happy.

Perhaps that’s the recipe of love…
The family from which you come mixed with the friends who become your family and a dollop of your own babies on top. I’ll mix these with YBW’s family. The one from which he came and his fraternity brothers who became his family and a dollop of his babies.

Whatever the recipe, I am chock-full of love. I’m grateful for those who taught me to love when I was a little girl. For those whom I befriended and taught me how to expand my love. For the man who showed me that love was something I never even imagined. And for the gifts of daughters who taught me new and awe-inspiring ways to love.

Categories: love, wedding | Tags: beloved, best friends, blessings, daughters, family, family of origin, fathers and daughters, fraternity brothers, friends as family, friendship, Grandaddy, grandfathers and granddaughters, happy, joy, love, mothers and daughters, my Grandaddy, recipe of love, relationships, sharing, wedding, YBW | 4 Comments

provoking thought

Posted on July 16, 2015 by robynbird

I talked about the questionnaire YBW and I had to answer for A, the church rector, for our “marriage counseling” meetings in the months leading to our wedding in how very Robynbird.

The first set of questions were about each of us personally, and we weren’t allowed to discuss them (questions or answers) before we talked about them with A.
They were personal, but not intimate. General, not terribly specific. But thought provoking nonetheless. They were completely focused on the self.
1. What are your life’s goals? How will your marriage facilitate your attaining these goals?
2. What personal strengths do you bring to a relationship?
3. What areas do you, as an individual, need to strengthen for the enrichment of your relationship?
4. Do you perceive any personal losses in sharing your life with a spouse, and potentially, family?
5. What benefits do you hope to derive through your marital relationship?
6. If you are currently living with your potential spouse, will marriage change your relationship, if so, how?

The second set of questions were more focused on us as a couple.
1. What are your expectations of marriage?
2. How do you you perceive the role of a husband?
3. How do you perceive the role of a wife?
4. How do you (husband and wife) perceive your role with your children?
5. Out of your experiences together, what strengths have emerged?
6. Out of your experiences together, what weaknesses have emerged?
7. How do you perceive your relationship with the church?

The second set of questions was a bit trickier. As much of a ‘girl power, votes for women’ kind of girl I am, I’m also really traditional when it comes to gender roles in marriage.
The husband as provider.
But while the wife makes martinis wearing pearls when her husband comes home, she can change the oil in the car and replace light fixtures and still fold the laundry like a boss.
I believe husbands can be great cooks, amazing dads…sometimes infinitely better parents than their wives.

I want a husband who will take good care of me in a practical way so I don’t have to fret about finances. But not to the point I’m left clueless.
I want a husband who will treat me with kindness and respect.
I want a husband who knows I’m a badass and isn’t intimidated by that.
I want a husband who loves me because I’m flawed, not in “spite of it”.
I want a husband I can be real with. A man with whom I can say what I think and expect the same.
I want a husband who is my partner. Who will hold my hand when something is scary and when it’s pants peeing exciting.
I want a husband who will rely on me. My opinions as well as my compassion.

We’re in a trickier but overall simpler situation when it comes to kids. YBW told me once that he didn’t like being a stepfather and didn’t want to do it again. As it turns out he really hasn’t had to be.
I think the biggest challenge for me is being mindful that our kids were raised completely differently. That has to be taken into account before expectations are placed. It’s hard to parent other people’s kids. To know that you only have “so much” say. But if I am mindful and come from a place of love that’s what that really matters.

As many strengths as our relationship has I think it has a pretty significant weakness.
We’re pretty crap at communicating about important stuff. So much so that sometimes I choose not to initiate conversations because I don’t believe we’re get anything resolved.
I do have a tendency to over-talk and this frustrates him. I’ve been working really hard at reigning that in. I even made an outline the last time I wanted to talk to him about things that were bothering me so I would stay on track.
I don’t think we’re hopeless…I think we just need to keep at it. And keep at it. And keep at it.
I need to tone down my sarcasm.
He needs to realize everything isn’t a personal affront.

We’re lucky to have each other. We know that. We do enrich each other’s life. I come at him from a place of love and believe the same of him.

The questions for these premarital conversations with A are doing part of what they’re supposed to do. They’re provoking thought.
We must make time for follow up dialogue.

Categories: wedding | Tags: conversations, dialogue, husband, love, personal strengths, premarital counseling, questions, thought provoking, wedding, wife, YBW | 3 Comments

mad (libs) responses

Posted on July 12, 2015 by robynbird

On October 24th, when Robynbird and YBW _______________________________

(verb)

down the aisle, ________________________________________________________

(your name)

______________________________ be there to ________________________________

(will/will not) (verb)

them. I am so ___________________________________ for Robynbird and YBW! I can’t

(adjective)

wait to see them __________________________________. I wish them many

(verb)

years of ______________________________ and _____________________________.

(noun) (noun)

This is a sample of our response card.
I’m asking each person to return a card whether attending or not. I’m going to create a book to display at the reception so everyone can read all the mad (libs) responses.
I’m so excited to see how creative our friends and family will be!
This is going to be great!

Categories: wedding | Tags: book, creative, fun, mad libs, playful, reception, response cards, RSVP, silly, wedding | 2 Comments

a bit of pants peeing weirdness

Posted on July 7, 2015 by robynbird

Well, I did it!
I ordered my wedding dress today!
I’m torn between “pants peeing excited” and a bit of weirdness I can’t seem to shake.

The excitement makes sense. It’s the last big purchase I needed to make just for me. I’ve made initial payments to both the venue and photographer and split the first payment to the caterer with YBW. But those were for “the wedding”…well the photographer was mostly for me, but I know he’s going to thank me in the long run.
I’ve ordered dresses for the girls, and as you know, our shoes are already here. So apart from something to wear in my hair, which I think I’ve finally decided upon, my dress is the last “just for me” thing to buy.

The weird feeling is…I don’t know…just weird I guess. I clicked that button and felt like it’s done now. Ordered that dress and it’s a done deal.
Not in a bad way.
I guess it just feels weird.
I’m not sure how to explain it…I think it’s just that I didn’t try it on, I’m going on photos and reviews and emailed conversations. I’m taking a shopping leap of faith with one of the most important articles of clothing I’ll ever wear.
But the reviews are all positive. The emailed conversations have been quite successful. The moment I saw this dress I knew it was the one. I’d been looking for the longest time for exactly this dress. Etsy is truly an amazing place.

So I trust. (Not my strongest skill.)
I accept the weird. (This one I’m pretty good at.)
I (metaphorically) pee my pants in excitement.
I wait (impatiently) for my ivory lace fabulousness to arrive.

Categories: me, wedding | Tags: excited, excitement, faith, ivory lace, trust, wedding, wedding dress, wedding dress shopping, weird, weirdness | 2 Comments

how very Robynbird

Posted on June 14, 2015 by robynbird

So we have to answer these questions and talk about them with the priest before she’ll marry us. (Y’all, she’s the funniest thing! She said, “I mean, I’m a girl in a collar! How cool is that?”)
Anyway…
It’s not quite “marriage counseling”…but it’s the way they do it in the Episcopal church. Which is cool with me because I’m taking it seriously and answering them with thought and from my heart.

For the most part.
I say this because the second question is as follows:

What personal strengths do you bring to a relationship?
I wrote:
I’m a BAMF!

Yes, I swear to you I did.
Now, I followed it up with more appropriate things that I can’t share with you, because YBW reads these words and we promised we wouldn’t talk about the questions or our answers until we shared them when we meet with A next week.
I do bring pretty spectacular personal strengths to my relationships that go beyond those four letters. But I liked that they were succinct.

Categories: me, wedding | Tags: BAMF, marriage counseling, personal strengths, questions, relationships, wedding, YBW | 7 Comments

these shoes were made for walkin’ (down the aisle)

Posted on May 29, 2015 by robynbird

There was a box on my front porch when I got home.
In that box there are three more boxes.
In those boxes are shoes.

SHOES FOR THE WEDDING!!!
OHMYGODIMSOEXCITEDICANHARDLYSTANDMYSELF!!!

I was home alone with this box of shoes.
I pranced, skipped, hopped, danced, ran, jumped, and “foot popped” in my perfect shoes. I sent photos to Thing 1 and Thing 2. I sent photos to Sundance. Nobody responded.
I pranced around a little bit more and called Thing 2. Voicemail. UGH!
Little bit of James Brown inspired foot work and called Sundance. Voicemail. COME ON!
Little hop, skip and a jump and called Thing 1…”Hi Momma.” (Success!)

YBW came home right as I was getting off the phone with Thing 1 and he started opening the box. I said: I want you to see mine last.
I showed him Thing 1’s classic pumps. She has really weird looking toes and refuses to wear open-toed shoes, which really limits her choices. These Badgley Mischka’s are FIERCE! (Who let Stacy London up in here?)

They’re going to be fuchsia.

Thing 2’s Pelle Moda shoes are a bit stripper-ish but so very, very Thing 2.

They’re going to be fuchsia.

These are my shoes. They’re going to be navy even though there is a little “something blue” on the bottom.

I was so excited to show YBW that I was literally panting!
I pointed at my feet and said: These make it real! Not this!(pointing at my ring) These! I’m going to marry the most perfect boy in the most perfect shoes and it’s going to be the most perfect day ever!

He said he’s never seen me so excited in all the years he’s known me. He just watched me with this great big smile on his face. (While I literally grabbed him by his upper arms and shook him while I was panting and squealing.) That man absolutely loves me. He must, I totally told him my shoes are better than my diamond. Luckily he knows me well enough to know what I mean.

Thanks, UPS man, for coming to my house today! SUPER SMILEY Robynbird!

Categories: wedding | Tags: Badgley Mischka, classic pumps, David Tutera, diamond ring, diamonds, excited, excitement, getting hitched, love, Pelle Moda, shoes, something blue, stripper shoes, UPS, wedding, wedding shoes | 7 Comments

from books to wedding flowers

Posted on May 7, 2015 by robynbird

I found the most wonderful shop on Etsy that makes paper flowers. They are absolutely beautiful and the more I thought about them the more I loved the idea of paper flowers for our wedding.

YBW got quickly on board once he saw them.
All four of our Things did too! Especially the three older kids, Thing G isn’t as big a book worm as Thing C, Thing 1 and Thing 2. Which brings me to the fact that they’ll be made from book pages. I had this idea that we should each choose our favorite book to be used to create our flowers. We all spent a bit of time deciding which book was important enough to use for the wedding and finally came up with these.

YBW and I each chose a book significant to our childhoods. Our four Things chose books their favorites. What an interesting combination of personalities we are, no? My book should be easy to guess…after that, well…y’all are on your own. I love this representation of my precious family and can hardly wait to hold these flowers!

The boys will have single flower boutonnieres.
YBW will have a three flower boutonniere.
The girls will have corsages on ribbons, Thing 1 around her wrist and Thing 2 around her neck.
I’ll will carry a pomander.
Extra flowers will be created for use as decorations.
The remaining book pages will be donated to the flower makers.

Please check out all the beautiful designs at: http://danaspaperflowers.com/
(paper flower images courtesy of Dana’s Paper Flowers)