Posts Tagged With: mother’s day

adventures of being a mom

My girls make being a mom the absolute best adventure I’ve ever experienced!


With Thing 1 in Charleston, Thanksgiving 1999


Sweet kisses from Thing 2, Christmas Eve 2002

Thing 2 posted this on my fb and it literally made me laugh out loud! It’s so very Thing 2!
Even though she tagged her sister in it, I’m not sure she saw it. I’d love to read her answers too.

Mother’s Day is coming up! ADULT daughters…
How well do you know your Mom?

1. She is sitting in front of the TV, what is she watching?
Baseball if it’s in season, or something Joss Whedon created. Good runner-ups would be HGTV or food network.

2. What dressing does she eat on her salads?
…..
(chopped garlic, lemon juice and olive oil)

3. Name something she hates?
Crickets!

4. What does she like to drink?
Wine, wine, cran-apple juice, and wine.

5. Favorite music to listen to?
Lots of British alt-pop

6. What is her nickname for you?
Punkin-belly Or, classic, (a combination of both girl’s names)!!

7. What is something she collects?
School supplies.

8. What would she eat every day if she could?
Melons? If that were possible?
(I’m allergic but love watermelon.)

9. What is her favorite color?
Tiffany blue, bitch!

10. What would she never wear?
….white shoes after labor day?
(I’m a good Southern girl.)

11. What is her favorite sports team?
NATS! NATS! NATS! WOOO!

12. What is something that you don’t do that she wishes you did?
Answer my phone, visit.

13. You bake her a cake, what is it?
Probably not very delicious.

14. Favorite animal?
Alligators? Robin birds?
(Yes. Yes. and kitties)

15. What could she spend all day doing?
Certainly not making napkins. Perhaps taking photos or writing?
(I laughed, definitely not making napkins!)

16. Who is her favorite child?
Used to be me, is most definitely Thing 1 now.

17. What’s her favorite candy?
Snickers?

18. How many brothers and sisters does she have?
One brother

19. Favorite alcoholic beverage?
Wine? Mimosa? Cosmo?

20. You’re in jail and you call her, what’s her response?
$20 on the table, it’s “Jesus Christ, Magdeline.”
(This made me cackle! That $20 is hers. She’s so right! I didn’t know that’s what I’d say until I read it. Of course I’d ask if she was OK very first…but that is absolutely my “annoyed with her” phrase.)

Mother’s Day is tricky for me. I no longer have a mom…I’m not near my own children…but I loved being a daughter and I absolutely love being a mother.
I wouldn’t trade being the mom of my girls for anything in the world!
They helped me become the woman I am.

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Categories: on being a mom | Tags: , , , | 3 Comments

mother’s day

I struggle with Mother’s Day.
My birthday is always the week of Mother’s Day. Sometimes even falls on that particular Sunday. I don’t remember it bothering me until I became a mom. First one precious little girl and later, two precious little girls called me their mommy. They were SO focused and excited about Mother’s Day that my birthday often fell by the wayside.
When they got old enough to understand, I explained how much I loved their beautiful appreciation of me. I explained that I was their mommy every day. That it was the most special thing EVERY DAY. But that my birthday was only one day and it was special. It took a bit for them to get it, but they knew how important I made their birthdays and they began to come around. So while Mother’s Day remained special, “birthday birthday” became the focus that second week of May.

Mother’s Day is painful for me because I don’t have my mom anymore. However complicated our relationship was, she was my mother and I loved her.
I took Thing C and Thing G to get cards for their mom. I went with YBW to get a card for his mom. I spent the day with YBW and his mom.
It was agony.
I no longer have a mom. It hurts more than I can even communicate.
Thing 1 called to tell me Happy Mother’s Day. She thanked me for being her mom. She talked about the life she’s building. She talked about going back to school. She told me she sent a little gift, but it was going to be late. She told me how much she loved me.
My heart sang with joy!
Thing 2 did nothing. (I don’t know if she was being purposefully hurtful or not…I honestly don’t think it matters. It was hurtful enough.) People that I did not actually give birth to called and texted to wish me Happy Mother’s Day. I’m just sayin’.

When my girls were little and I was teaching preschool, I was blessed to be surrounded by some of the most truly awe inspiring women I’ve ever known.
We were a family. If something happened to one of us, joy or sorrow, it happened to all of us. These women helped me realize who I could be. They let me help them see things from my unique and sometimes brash perspective. (I may or may not have publicly accused the director of being on crack at a faculty meeting…in my defense, it opened a new way of talking about a serious topic.)

When I started this blog I promised my family and friends anonymity. That’s why I never use anyone’s real name…apart from my own. My girls and Sundance have expressed their ambivalence regarding this promise. I keep it because YBW is especially protective of his identity, and the identity of his sons. I respect that. Nobody “signed up” to be part of my public words regarding my private life. I want to keep those who need to feel safe feeling safe.
That said, I’m going to use the names of the women from that perfect moment in time when we lived and loved and worked in the safest and most creative environment.

It kind of started this way:
On Sunday, Nicole posted in our private group chat:
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!! I would not have survived young motherhood without you all!!

I was thinking something along those lines when I was washing my hair that morning. I was thinking about some of the women that influenced my life. What I learned from each of them and how I incorporated that into my parenting style, and into my own personal development.

I learned from my mom that always having to be in control will wear you the eff out. That it breaks you and makes you miserable. My mom taught me the value of creativity and expressing opinions because she squashed those out of us as children. She taught me that love is conditional, you must be exactly what someone wants or they can’t love you.
She taught me that you just have to keep fighting for what you believe in. She taught me what true sacrifice looks like. She taught me that a color book and box of crayons eases heartache. She taught me that birthdays are the most important celebration, because the day you came into the world is sacred. She taught me to love books. She taught me Elvis is the King. She taught me that being redhaird is the most precious gift, and that only a few of us ever have the luxury to receive it.
Some of the things she taught me made me a better mom because I did the exact opposite of what she did. Love is unconditional. Creativity and expressing yourself are the most important life stills to possess.
Some of what she taught me formed my most basic ideology. Birthdays are sacred. New crayons are priceless. Books are uniquely portable magic.

Nicole taught me that organized chaos is a great way to raise children. She taught me that love is fierce. She showed me how to see things through the eyes of a child. She taught me the value of true and long lasting friendship.

Jessica taught me that I was more capable than I ever realized. She taught me to listen differently so I could truly hear. She taught me to ask the most important question: What’s best for children? She taught me the value of my own mothering. She taught me when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. She helped me believe in myself at the lowest point in my life. She showed me the fire in my belly still had embers to nurture. She loved me when I couldn’t love myself.

Becca encouraged me to trust my gut, because she never seemed to be able to do that for herself. She taught me to appreciate every contribution. She brought out even more nurturing in me, she needed and still occasionally needs to be taught self-love. She taught me how innocent kindness can change lives. She taught me that my tough as nails hide could benefit from softening up a bit.

Terri taught me to see my firstborn in a new and different light. She provided much comfort and support when I was struggling with learning how to mom a three year old and a new and extremely sick baby. She was an example of love and tenacity through her own terrible illness. She taught me how to approach the enigma that is the three year old with the perfect mix of fear and appreciation.

Nancy taught me that I must embrace and celebrate my gifts. She is the first person who said out loud that I am a writer. That moment caused a change in my life that I will be forever grateful for. She supported me with love and hope when I didn’t know who or what I really was. She taught me that life is so much more than simply putting one foot in front of the other.

Marianne taught me that letting go is so much better than holding on too tightly. She taught me the importance of repetition. She helped me realize that a classroom was one of the most loving environments in the world.

Cory taught me that I matter. She helped me understand how to be a mom and a real person too. She accepted me for who I am. She guided my learning of that most important skill. I’m not great at it, but I am working at it every single day…even all these years later.

Julia encouraged me to take risks. She helped me realize that fear is a part of life, but if I didn’t try new things I might miss out on something extraordinary. She taught me a new kind of patience.

Sara gave me the courage to breathe when I needed to take a step back. She showed me the importance of kindness when Thing 2 and I experienced serious separation anxiety.

Like Nicole, I would never have gotten through young motherhood without these women. The gifts they gave me have gotten me through the last twenty two years.
It takes a village to raise children.
It takes a village to raise parents too.

I’m so blessed to know and love these women. I would not be the woman I am without experiencing their love and support.
I saw Becca this weekend, we talked about how those years were a sacred moment in time. We will never be able to recreate that, but we’re lucky enough to forever be better mothers and better women because of it.

Categories: education, love, me, on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

counting down

My birthday is in seventeen days. This may be the first year in my life history I’ve not “counted down” those days. The only other person who loved the “Birthday Birthday Countdown” as much as me was my dad. And without him to be silly about it with…well I’m just not feeling it.
This is not to say I’m not excited about my birthday, because I always am!

I think my mom instilled that in me. I grew up rather poor, like the food drive at church would feed my mom, brother and me, kind of poor. (Though I didn’t know that bit of information till I was a grown-up.) Anyway, since we didn’t have much, and there weren’t always loads of pressies or big birthday parties, my mom was very particular about our birthdays. She made such a big deal about celebrating the day we came into this world. It was the most special of all the days. There would always be cake and our favorite dinner…which most times included colored mashed potatoes. I’m not actually sure why, perhaps because they were cheap? I don’t know, but mine were always purple because that was my favorite color when I was a little girl. When I tell people about the colored mashed potatoes they look at me like I’m crazy, but it seems so normal to me…It’s all about how you’re raised I guess.
Colored mashed potatoes aside, celebrating birthdays was of paramount importance and something that has stuck with me my entire life.

I love to celebrate the birthdays of the people in my life! I love to celebrate my own birthday! Not in a way that’s ridiculously “look at me” but more along the lines of I’m special and I choose to honor that for myself.
I absolutely adore birthdays!

YBW asked me what I wanted for my birthday…I told him I want the girls here. That precious man got on the phone with Thing 2 and sorted it. Then Thing 2 got on the phone with me and YBW bought plane tickets for those girls and Thing 2’s boyfriend, D to come for Mother’s Day and my birthday!
I’m so excited! YBW is so excited! Thing 1 and Thing 2 are so excited! D is excited too, he’s not yet met YBW or his two Things! Thing C and Thing G don’t know yet, but they’re going to be excited too!
I called Sundance to see if she, her husband, and Girlie Thing and Boy Thing would come celebrate too. Waiting to hear back from her…oh that would be absolutely the BEST!

I’m going to reach out to Thing 2’s Godfather who works at National’s Park to see if I can get tickets for a game Mother’s Day weekend! YBW, Thing 2 and I would be “pants peeing” excited, not so sure about the rest of them…but it’ll be fun cause we’ll be all together!
I’m so happy!

Birthday Birthday, Thing 1 and Thing 2, YBW, Thing C and Thing G, and Boyfriend D, and my Washington Nationals!
Turning forty-four is going to be SPECTACULAR!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

this sucks

This has quite possibly been the longest week of my life, and I am absolutely exhausted.

The business of death is peculiar. I did all that business this week and now I’m in a holding pattern. They haven’t been able to cremate the body because the PCP hasn’t signed the death certificate. We can’t have the memorial service until May 24 because the church is booked both this weekend and next. Hurry up and wait…me no likey.

Thing 2 was supposed to arrive yesterday afternoon but was violently ill in the car on the way to the train station yesterday morning. (Is it wrong I got a bit of sick pleasure she barfed in her dad’s car?) Her dad and I are meeting at the half way point on Sunday. At least she and I will┬ábe together on a crazy road trip for mother’s day and she’ll be here for my birthday the next day. She and Girlie Thing and Sundance and I are going to get pedicures and out to lunch on my birthday, I’m very happy about that.

Sundance and I ate lunch at the delicious Greek place yesterday instead of going together to the train station to get Thing 2. When she left me at home, I thanked her for babysitting me. I feel like she and YBW have been babysitting me quite a bit.

YBW has been so patient with me and so kind and loving, he went with me to sign the autopsy and cremation papers Monday, he chose not to see Daddie’s body, that was something I did all by myself.
We went to get things we needed from the safety deposit box at the bank and then to my dad’s house to try and find his wallet. I packed up perishable foodstuff and YBW said: It feels like we’re stealing.
I said: It all belongs to me now so we’re not stealing, but it sucks.

I’ve said that so much this past week. It sucks. Those words cannot begin to convey the meaning of the way I feel, but they’re the words that seem most appropriate.

There are moments I feel numb and moments I feel sad and moments I feel almost normal. Today is a numb and sad all mixed together kind of day.

Normal will come back to roost. In the meantime it really just sucks.

Categories: death, loss, love, me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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