this sucks

This has quite possibly been the longest week of my life, and I am absolutely exhausted.

The business of death is peculiar. I did all that business this week and now I’m in a holding pattern. They haven’t been able to cremate the body because the PCP hasn’t signed the death certificate. We can’t have the memorial service until May 24 because the church is booked both this weekend and next. Hurry up and wait…me no likey.

Thing 2 was supposed to arrive yesterday afternoon but was violently ill in the car on the way to the train station yesterday morning. (Is it wrong I got a bit of sick pleasure she barfed in her dad’s car?) Her dad and I are meeting at the half way point on Sunday. At least she and I will be together on a crazy road trip for mother’s day and she’ll be here for my birthday the next day. She and Girlie Thing and Sundance and I are going to get pedicures and out to lunch on my birthday, I’m very happy about that.

Sundance and I ate lunch at the delicious Greek place yesterday instead of going together to the train station to get Thing 2. When she left me at home, I thanked her for babysitting me. I feel like she and YBW have been babysitting me quite a bit.

YBW has been so patient with me and so kind and loving, he went with me to sign the autopsy and cremation papers Monday, he chose not to see Daddie’s body, that was something I did all by myself.
We went to get things we needed from the safety deposit box at the bank and then to my dad’s house to try and find his wallet. I packed up perishable foodstuff and YBW said: It feels like we’re stealing.
I said: It all belongs to me now so we’re not stealing, but it sucks.

I’ve said that so much this past week. It sucks. Those words cannot begin to convey the meaning of the way I feel, but they’re the words that seem most appropriate.

There are moments I feel numb and moments I feel sad and moments I feel almost normal. Today is a numb and sad all mixed together kind of day.

Normal will come back to roost. In the meantime it really just sucks.

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Categories: death, loss, love, me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “this sucks

  1. Thinking of you. This is one time when you do not have to be strong. Allow yourself to grieve but also time to celebrate his life with your family.

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