Posts Tagged With: birthday countdown

My birthday is sacred, does that mean I’m selfish?

Tomorrow is my birthday!
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The forty fifth anniversary of the day I was born.
It is sacred.
But honestly, I think it’s only sacred to me.
The woman who taught me it was sacred is no longer here to celebrate.
The man who loved to join me in my countdown towards it is no longer here to celebrate.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 understand the sacredness of their own birthdays because I showed them how. But do they appreciate the sacredness of mine?
I guess if you break it down logically, they wouldn’t have birthdays to be sacred if I was never born…so they must somehow appreciate my birthday as sacred…?

YBW doesn’t feel as strongly about birthdays as I do.
And the fact that his firstborn son graduates from college tomorrow impacts what’s sacred about May 12, 2016. As it should! Thing C has worked hard to graduate with a double major. This is a “life token” event of high importance! I’m so proud of and for him and he’s not even mine.

Sundance and I talked about spending the day together tomorrow…but I’m not sure I’m actually feeling it. I guess we’ll see when I wake up tomorrow.

I did throw a party last weekend to celebrate both YBW’s and my birthday. We were absolutely celebrated by our friends and had a wonderful time!

But it’s the actual day that matters.
The actual day that one enters this world is what’s sacred.
I won’t be actively celebrated tomorrow. That feels strange to me. Partly because I don’t feel like I can actively celebrate myself.
I feel strongly about celebrating Thing C! He deserves to be loved and celebrated for his accomplishment. It’s not his fault the University decided to host the school of Humanities’ convocation on the day of my birthday.
I hate that I feel conflicted about it. I have the suspicion that it seems as though I’m begrudgingly choosing to attend his convocation. That is absolutely not the case! I want to celebrate this young man. I love him very much and have been through the ups and downs of life with him for the last six and a half years.

What it comes down to is sacrifice. Parents make sacrifices every single day for their kids. Some are teeny and can be made without thought, others are big and take a great deal of maturity to make.
I’m not his mom, but I am a mom. I can put my sacred day on the back burner to celebrate his achievement. I do it with honest intent, not because I “have to”.
I have never considered missing Thing C’s college graduation. I will be there no matter what. Because that’s what you do. That’s how you’re supposed to behave.
But that doesn’t mean I like the way it feels.

That’s been the tricky part.
Feeling like it’s OK to be conflicted. I don’t feel like I can talk about it too much because I don’t want to be hurtful. I would never ever hurt Thing C’s feelings!

Perhaps I place entirely too much importance on birthdays. Especially when I’ve had so many. Am I just that selfish? I’m not above considering that. Am I selfish that I want tomorrow to be all about me? Is that a bad thing? Even though I want it to be all about me, I’m celebrating graduation. Does that mean I’m not selfish?
I guess it doesn’t really matter.
I’ll be forty five tomorrow.
Thing C will graduate from college tomorrow.
I’ll end up being happy about and celebrating both.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

counting down

My birthday is in seventeen days. This may be the first year in my life history I’ve not “counted down” those days. The only other person who loved the “Birthday Birthday Countdown” as much as me was my dad. And without him to be silly about it with…well I’m just not feeling it.
This is not to say I’m not excited about my birthday, because I always am!

I think my mom instilled that in me. I grew up rather poor, like the food drive at church would feed my mom, brother and me, kind of poor. (Though I didn’t know that bit of information till I was a grown-up.) Anyway, since we didn’t have much, and there weren’t always loads of pressies or big birthday parties, my mom was very particular about our birthdays. She made such a big deal about celebrating the day we came into this world. It was the most special of all the days. There would always be cake and our favorite dinner…which most times included colored mashed potatoes. I’m not actually sure why, perhaps because they were cheap? I don’t know, but mine were always purple because that was my favorite color when I was a little girl. When I tell people about the colored mashed potatoes they look at me like I’m crazy, but it seems so normal to me…It’s all about how you’re raised I guess.
Colored mashed potatoes aside, celebrating birthdays was of paramount importance and something that has stuck with me my entire life.

I love to celebrate the birthdays of the people in my life! I love to celebrate my own birthday! Not in a way that’s ridiculously “look at me” but more along the lines of I’m special and I choose to honor that for myself.
I absolutely adore birthdays!

YBW asked me what I wanted for my birthday…I told him I want the girls here. That precious man got on the phone with Thing 2 and sorted it. Then Thing 2 got on the phone with me and YBW bought plane tickets for those girls and Thing 2’s boyfriend, D to come for Mother’s Day and my birthday!
I’m so excited! YBW is so excited! Thing 1 and Thing 2 are so excited! D is excited too, he’s not yet met YBW or his two Things! Thing C and Thing G don’t know yet, but they’re going to be excited too!
I called Sundance to see if she, her husband, and Girlie Thing and Boy Thing would come celebrate too. Waiting to hear back from her…oh that would be absolutely the BEST!

I’m going to reach out to Thing 2’s Godfather who works at National’s Park to see if I can get tickets for a game Mother’s Day weekend! YBW, Thing 2 and I would be “pants peeing” excited, not so sure about the rest of them…but it’ll be fun cause we’ll be all together!
I’m so happy!

Birthday Birthday, Thing 1 and Thing 2, YBW, Thing C and Thing G, and Boyfriend D, and my Washington Nationals!
Turning forty-four is going to be SPECTACULAR!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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