Posts Tagged With: life is beautiful

all in my feels

I’ve been living in the teeniest of bubbles for the past three weeks.
The bubble that exists around a brand new baby.
Being with my daughter for the birth of her daughter is a blessing. So much so that words actually fail to express my joy and gratitude.

When it comes to being helpful, I made sure not to overstep when it comes to Baby K. I’m making sure I’m not doing too much around the house.
We started out with me making sure she ate and was hydrated, I prepared her breakfast and lunch, provided her with healthy, lactation promoting snacks, and make sure she had enough water. I took a bigger responsibility in keeping the house in order. Cleaning and tidying, making sure she had access to what she needed.
In these three weeks, she has taken on more household responsibilities in addition to Baby K responsibilities. She’s finding her way in balancing running her home and menagerie, and being a mom.
I have not yet stopped doing the laundry, but we’re making plans on how to make that transition simplest for her.

I am acutely aware of how fortunate I am to spend this time with my granddaughter.
From diapers, burping, and baths, to books, songs, and snuggles, I am making the most of my time with her.
This sacred time will be lost on her, but I am making memories and storing them up.
As many times a day as I can manage, I say, “Birdie loves you, girl.”
My hope is that when Baby K hears those words over the rest of our lives, that it triggers something down deep in her, and she remembers this time in some sort of way.

I am actively in my feels.
I am beginning to prepare myself emotionally for my departure.
I consider sleeping through the night in my own bed, and the simple pleasure of being in the same physical space as YBW. Seeing my friends, and farmer’s market mornings. Really just living my regular life.
In returning to my regular life, I won’t spend every day with Thing 1 and Baby K. I won’t be comfortably enclosed in that precious little bubble. I won’t get to clean up mad blow-out diapies, or sing the lollipop guild song while I ‘dance’ Baby K’s legs around. I won’t be seeing her eyes roll back in her head when she gets sleepy, but won’t give in. I won’t get to hold her close and smell her sweet baby smell.
I won’t be able to spend time with my daughter, listening to her thoughts. We won’t laugh together, or finish each other’s sentences. I won’t get to watch her basking in the joy of her daughter, or experience that moment of joy when she shares her with me.

These thoughts weigh heavy on me. I need to acknowledge and attempt to accept them to ease the reality of parting, but not so much I’m missing out on the joy of being here.
I mean, how could I feel anything but joy looking at this darling little face!?!

I absolutely understand how blessed I am to be here with my daughter and granddaughter. To spend this sacred time with them. I’m grateful for the support of my precious husband in making this possible.
I am chock full of love.
I am chock full of joy.
I am chock full of gratitude.
My cup truly runneth over.

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Categories: love, me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

my freak flag flies

Here’s some of what makes my weird little heart happy.

books
currently reading:
Noir by Christopher Moore
in the queue:
Hold Still by Sally Mann
The Balcony by Jane Delury
Funny Girl by Nick Hornby
Too Much and Not the Mood by Durga Chew-Bose
The Dinner Party by Joshua Ferris
You Gotta Get Bigger Dreams by Alan Cumming

monograms

I honestly want to stick my monogram on everything I possibly can!

journals

I have no words to successfully convey my love of books to fill with my writing.

cloth napkins

music
current playlist:
Rufus Wainwright
Paolo Nutini
The Kills (always)
The Devil Makes Three
Alice Merton
Tori Vasquez

railroad spikes

Doesn’t matter where I am, if there’s a railroad near, I’m going to hunt for spikes.

food network and HGTV shows
Beat Bobby Flay
Iron Chef America
The Next Iron Chef
Home Town
Good Bones
Rehab Addict

school/office supplies

Sharpies. Gel pens. Mechanical pencils. Colored pencils. Crayola crayons. Ballpoint pens. Funky scissors. Legal pads and spiral notebooks.

random things
porch life
my Naked Mountain Winery tee with the outline of Virginia
nail polish
cracking crab legs and peeling shrimp at the seafood joint
organizational items
James Cordon’s Carpool Karaoke
movie theater popcorn
magnets and stickers
robin’s egg blue
baseball
the freckles on my knees
rainbows
random tv/movie/song quotes
MLP:FiM
super sharp kitchen knives
the ballet
brand new mascara
a perfect BLT
switching out my bag
popping a bottle of bubbly
robin birds
my bitmoji
Cinema Sins ‘Everything Wrong With’ vids
central air (no pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than)
playground swings

So that’s

I’m curious what strange things make y’alls weird little hearts happy.
Let your freak flag fly in the comments!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

life’s great big canvas

Life is a great big canvas, throw all the paint you can at it. ~ Danny Kaye

I find this concept fascinating.
It makes absolute sense, if you consider your life a blank canvas and paint it as you go along.
Think about the people you know. The people you love. How do they paint their canvases?

Little children fling paint like mad. Some of it may not even hit the canvas. It may be a hot mess, but still beautiful to behold.

I can think of some who plan out their art with laser sharp precision. I may be stylistically stunning, but what does it make you feel when you look at it? What do they feel when they look at it?

(I’m not saying we should paint our life canvases for other people’s eyes, but if this is the concept with which we’re going, we’re going to see other canvases just as others will see the canvas each of us paints.)

What about those who paint their canvas with precious little color? Surely there are those who throw only black or gray at the canvas of life.
(I can’t help feeling that is sad. But it’s not my canvas, perhaps it’s the most beautiful painting ever created even if it’s devoid of color.)

Some folks are abstract, right? The canvas doesn’t reveal an image necessarily, but you see the passion with with the paint was thrown.

There are those who continually reinvent themselves. Does that mean there are countless “overpaints”?

How about the canvases that are completely covered? With paint thrown so that it rises off the canvas. Is this evidence of a life well lived? Or is it an example of absolute chaos?

If I examine my own life canvas I can “see” a great deal of purple at the beginning of my painting. It was my favorite color when I was a little girl. It’s slapped on there without rhyme or reason.
Then there are loads of rainbows. I’ve loved rainbows ever since I can remember.
After this I see evidence of outside influences. Having to conform. At school. At home. It looks more like coloring inside the lines than throwing paint as expression of self. I’m actually quite good at coloring inside the lines. Though it wouldn’t be my first choice, especially then.
There is a great deal of red after that. Dark heart’s blood red in great splashes. It’s from a time in my life that was filled with pain and anger.
I see brightness of color in great big splotches. (Not quite polka dots, but close.) It’s more tactile, I can see how I painted with my fingers. It is filled with joy and wild abandon, and more love than has ever been present on my canvas of life. This portion of the painting is enormous.
But following that comes nothing but gray. It’s the kind of gray that feels like a prison. What’s interesting is that within this gray are little flashes of light and color. They are fleeting. The gray permeates the canvas.
A great black slash follows.
And I begin to see timid strokes of color that grow into broad bursts of color. So much pink. And green. I see abstract rainbow colors together. But not a traditional rainbow. Yellow comes to play. Also light blue.

I expect to have many more years to throw paint at my life canvas.
I don’t know if we realize how important it is that we consider life this way. To chuck paint blindly. To make meaningful symbols. To embrace life so fully that no matter how the paint is applied the canvas is the most creative and beautiful work of art.

Danny Kaye knew what was up. Throw as much paint as you can at the canvas of your life! Make it the most wonderful visual example of who you are.
If you’re lucky, you’ll have people in your life who will invite you to throw some paint at their canvas and ask permission to do the same with yours.
Remember this: Some people will think it’s beautiful and some will criticize it. Disregard that and ask yourself if you think it’s beautiful. It’s your canvas. It represents your life. If you find it beautiful, isn’t that all that matters?

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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