therobynbirdsnest

goodbye, Why Not?

Posted on January 8, 2016 by robynbird

Sundance texted me Tuesday evening: I’m going into mourning. Why Not? is closing.
My response: Oh NO! Saddest face.
Sundance: I just saw it on the news! We need to go check it out.
Me: I’m wide open Friday. Can you go then?
Sundance: I believe so.
Me: Sold!
Sundance: Boo yah!

So I picked her up this morning and we headed into Old Town Alexandria.

Why Not? Is a toy store on the corner of King and Lee Streets that we have been shopping at for more than twenty years.
I can’t tell you how many times we’ve taken any number of our four kids into the store to climb the steep and narrow stairs to the all important Groovy Girls/Playmobil/book section.
Thing 2 and Girlie Thing had so many pairs of adorably patterned tights from Why Not?
We’ve bought more books from Why Not? than from Amazon in the last twenty years.

Why Not? has been there on the corner for more than 50 years!

It is heart breaking to know that an independent toy shop just can’t keep up in the day and age of Amazon and Target, etc. Not to mention, it’s probably time for the owner to retire.

I am filled with sadness this afternoon. But I am also flooded with the happiest memories of being in that shop with my girls. Of sneaking down to Old Town when the girls were at school to do a little Christmas or Birthday shopping. Of piling into the car to see the windows decorated for the holidays.

Sundance has been coveting this little dolly for almost two years. It’s made in France and she saw it for over $100.00 at another toy shop. It was $74.00 at Why Not? and everything in the store was 30% off.

That little brown haired dolly had a red haired sister!

We decided we needed them desperately…but not enough to actually buy them. Our grown-up brains overrode our dolly needing little girl brains.
‘It was just Christmas. I don’t have a job. Blah blah blah.’
We discussed how my Mommie would have convinced us there is always money for a new dolly. Made us miss her. Sundance talked to her mom after I dropped her off at home, she told her we should have bought the dollies. So much for us being grown-ups.

I did purchase a children’s book.

It’s about girl power, I absolutely couldn’t pass it up!

Sundance bought two little teeny angel dollies. One for me and one for her.

I LOOOOOOOVE her!

My sadness runs deeper than I expected. It feels like a part of all the Things childhood has died. Luckily, they’re big kids now. They have happy memories, and hopefully no sadness.
How lucky are we that Why Not? was in our lives for so long!?!

Categories: love, me, on being a mom | Tags: alexandria, babydolls, books, Boy Thing, children's books, daughters, end of childhood, feelings, fun, Girlie Thing, groovy girls, joy and sadness, king street, lee street, love, old town, parenting, playmobil, sadness, silly, Thing 1, Thing 2, toy shop, toys, why not | Leave a comment

every moment is a blessing

Posted on January 7, 2016 by robynbird

I spent time with my former co-teacher today. She’s going through a particularly vile divorce. It breaks my heart for her and her little daughter. I can’t really do anything to help, all I can do is love them.
But spending time with her today made me appreciate that I’m me and not anyone else. That may seem like a ridiculous thing to say, but I cannnot mean it any more.

I’ve been through seriously dreadful times in my life. I’ve been through moments of great wonder. Everything I’ve experienced in my life, every single moment, the good, the bad, the indifferent, has shaped me into who I am right now. Honestly I’m grateful I’ve had all this opportunity to throw so much paint at my life’s great big canvas.

I’ve obviously experienced a great deal of joy, especially recently.
Even the undiagnosed brain swelling is teaching me to remain present by listening carefully to what my body is telling me. Something I’ve not really done before. It’s easy to ignore your body when you’re more focused on everyone else.

I don’t know if my feeling hopeful has me feeling so appreciative of being me or if I’m just glad my troubles have been mine and not the troubles of anyone else. I don’t think it really matters.

We all have moments we would like to hand over to another. Any other. But when it comes right down to it there is always something better or worse being experienced by any other person at those very same moments. I remember this with great humility. My worst moments could be another’s best moments or my best moments could be meaningless to another.

I am grateful for every single one of my moments. I could never be the woman I am if I hadn’t experienced the moments of my life. It may have taken forty four years, but I rather like the woman I am!

Categories: me | Tags: appreciative, blessings, feeling hopeful, focus on self, grateful, health, hopeful, joy, learning from life, life, life canvas, life experiences, life is a great big canvas throw all the paint you can at it, liking yourself, love, loving who you are, moments shape your life, pain | Leave a comment

Hope. (an essay on redhaired girl)

Posted on January 4, 2016 by robynbird

The new year has me thinking.
Thinking about hope.
Which reminds me of ‘An Essay on Man’. Only I’m thinking of it as ‘an essay on redhaired girl’ because I feel hopeful. I don’t know why, but I do feel it with every fiber of my being.

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin’d from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.
– Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man, Epistle I, 1733

In feeling hopeful, I’m considering practical ways that my hope can translate to practicalities in my life, and the lives of the ones I love.

I’m feeling hopeful about my health. That my brain will finally find a way to heal itself. That I can put this struggle to be well behind me. Even though the swelling is no longer increasing because I’m responding well to the meds, my brain is still swollen. I’ve kind of decided this is the new way of being. That may sound a bit defeatist, but that’s not how I mean it. It may simply be acceptance.
I trust that I can have acceptance and hope together.

I’m feeling hopeful for my children.
Thing 1 and fiance N have had a bit of a rough patch. N was hurt on the job and has been out of work for almost a year. They’ve been living with his mother, which has been hard for all of them. He had surgery on his knee and has a clean bill of health from the doctors. This was what they were waiting for. Working with the VA, he’s in a program that helps find a home and new employment. He has a few job leads and they’re moving this week into their new home. The program will also assist in education for a career change, he’s very eager for that.
Thing 1 has a lead on a job working at a horse stable. How wonderful for her to earn a living doing what she loves!
They’re talking paint colors and she’s asking for my help finding things she needs. YBW and I are gifting them a new set of cookware. She’s so excited!
They’re finally getting their life together back in gear.
One thing I love about where they’re living is that it has not just a major state university, but several smaller colleges. I’m hoping this will entice her to go back and finish school.

I’m feeling hopeful for Thing 2. She’s in a living situation that isn’t as positive as it could be and I worry how it impacts her psyche. She’s being the “mom” of so many “lost” young adults and it seems to be sucking the life from her. Interestingly enough, she’s the youngest of all these friends.
She’s finished being stuck and tentatively starting to move forward. Her fear and anxiety are her worst enemies. I’m hopeful that her determination will overtake them and she’ll be stepping into the life she chooses to create for herself.
I have concerns that she isn’t comfortable about going to school. She doesn’t know what she wants to study, she doesn’t want to waste time and money. I don’t care what she goes to school for. Even trade school would be fine with me, a certificate to do whatever is enough that she’ll be able to take good care of herself.
I feel hopeful that with love and support she’ll be able to break the cycle of spinning her wheels. I’m hopeful that she will be able to start working towards creating a new life for herself, even though she’s not sure what she wants. Taking the first steps will get her moving forward and the rest will come as she goes.

I’m hopeful for this life I’m making with YBW. Being married feels a bit different than not being married, but the life we lead is essentially the same. I feel hopeful that we’re heading in the right direction.
We have three “grown” kids and one that’s quickly growing. We need to begin to decide what our life will be like without kids at home. How do we want to live? Maybe even where do we want to live?
I’m hopeful that we can begin planning for our future while we’re working to successfully live in our present.

I long for everyone I love to feel as hopeful as I feel.
I want those of you who read these words to know that I feel hopeful for you.
My heart is filled with love and hope. I wish the same for everyone.

Categories: me | Tags: alexander pope, an essay on man, daughters, family, hope, hope springs eternal, hopeful, love, mothers and daughters, quietly hopeful | 2 Comments

the sound of silence

Posted on January 2, 2016 by robynbird

Sssshhhhh.
Listen.
Do you hear that?

It’s silence.

There is nobody in our home but YBW and me.

All the Whos down in Whoville, the tall and the small, have gone to their other homes.

Thing C and Thing G yesterday, to their mother’s.
We just took Thing 1 and fiance N to the airport. They will go to his mother’s to grab their things and move to their new home this week.
(Thing 2 and boyfriend D left last Sunday in order to spend NYE with their friends.)

YBW told me several times that this was “the best Christmas ever”. I couldn’t agree more! All our babies at home together was truly a Christmas blessing!

That said, I’m honestly happy to be alone in our home. That many people for that long just about wore me out.
Now, what will most likely happen is I’ll enjoy the quiet for about three or four days and then I’ll miss my girls.
(The boys will come back Friday.)

But for now, I’m happy to be at home enjoying the sound of silence with my love.
We’ve already decided not to leave the house tomorrow. I’m going to suggest a bath for two, perhaps a bit of love making, and some serious lounging on the sofa time.

Categories: me | Tags: all alone, blended families, Christmas, family, fathers and sons, joy, just we two, love, mothers and daughters, peace, quiet, the sound of silence | 2 Comments

nine of twelve hundred

Posted on December 30, 2015 by robynbird

I’m finally getting around to sorting through the twelve hundred wedding photos.
What needs to be printed and what sizes.
I’m working to create a book.
I have to say, it’s daunting as hell!

I’ve chosen a few to share here:

I think the series from the train tracks are my favorite.

Thing 1 made a bouquet of the spikes we found.

Boy feet.
I love the Chucks! I wish YBW had worn them for the wedding too, but he did change for the reception.

Here comes the bride. (and her Things)

Girlie feet!

Thing 2 comforting her big sister during the Song of Songs. (You can’t see it, but I’m holding her hand.)

YBW reading his vows.
He borrowed heavily from Joss Whedon but spoke from his “Wash” heart to my “Zoe” heart.

Wedding bell is ringing.

Signing my name to make it official for the church.

Categories: wedding | Tags: blessings, Converse Chuck Taylors, excited, family, Firefly, happy, high heeled shoes, Joss Whedon, joy, love, railroad spikes, railroad tracks, stripper shoes, train tracks, Wash and Zoe, wedding, wedding bells, wedding ceremony, wedding dress, wedding photos, wedding shoes | 2 Comments

how ‘charm’ing

Posted on December 29, 2015 by robynbird

This gift was hidden in the branches of the Christmas tree.

YBW is quite pleased with himself for surprising me with it.

I expressed that just because I wrote about it didn’t mean he was supposed to get it.
He replied that he didn’t like that there wasn’t a surprise for me and the charm fixed that.

I worried for a while about it.
That doesn’t mean I’m not excited by or unappreciative of the gift! I adore it! And it was a lovely surprise.

I worried about whether or not it seemed passive aggressive. Did he think that I wrote about it as a way to get him to purchase it for me?
That’s not my style.
I know he knows that, but I did have concerns.

I know what motivates me.
I didn’t write about that charm to manipulate my husband into purchasing it.
He didn’t purchase it because I wrote about it.

I guess I should let it go…
I have this precious charm to add to my bracelet. We’ll be making a trip over to Tiffany’s after Thing 1 and fiance N leave.

Nothing bad comes in a little blue box and I have the sweetest man who knows that.

Categories: me | Tags: charm bracelet, charms, Christmas, Christmas tree, excited, gift of love, joy, love, pressie, Tiffany's, YBW | 2 Comments

sometimes you have to make your own light

Posted on December 28, 2015 by robynbird

Christmas Eve at the Cathedral was magical!
We made a quick stop at the space window before going downstairs to see the nativities.

Once downstairs, we kind of went out separate ways.
I spent a moment of prayer in St Joseph’s Chapel (My favorite space in the entire building.) before moving along to the creche exhibit.
YBW said he felt a bit jaded, that because we go each season, he feels as though he’s seen them all. I don’t feel jaded in the least. Though I do feel like these nativities were not as lovely as some we’ve seen in the past. Precious few moved me enough to photograph them.

I especially liked this one from South Africa made of fabric and glass beads. No donkey and camel in this nativity, but the lion and zebra sure came to celebrate baby Jesus!

Thing 2 came to find me and asked if I’d lit my prayer candle yet. I hadn’t, so she took my hand an led me through the gorgeously colorful mosaics of the Resurrection Chapel to the Cathedral Center for Prayer and Pilgrimage. This is the teeniest little room with a spiral stone staircase, a few wooden chairs along the wall behind a small kneeling alter in front of the candle table.
I hugged her tightly and told her this was where I always lit my prayer candles. She nodded and whispered that she just knew it.
She had been there before she found me, I could see the freshly lit candle and sense her presence. She sat in the corner behind me and I kneeled for a moment before using her candle to light mine.

God is in us. Always. There is no need to be in a house of worship to feel that connection. But in that moment in that tiny dark room I felt it more keenly than the way I carry God with me every day.
Perhaps it was being there with my baby. The one I always pray for in that particular room?

We left the Cathedral for the ellipse where the National Christmas tree was waiting for us.
Thing 2 and I drove past on our way home from the Nutcracker earlier that week. Honestly this tree has the prettiest lights I think I’ve seen in my entire life. But none of the trees were lighted this Christmas Eve afternoon. (Pourquoi pas?)
Thing 2, of course, was all about the trains. Thing 1 and I dug around for pennies and we took turns tossing them into baskets on the trains as they passed by. (We made more than we missed, go us!) Thing 2 mused what the change was used for. I teased that it was to pay the electric bill so the trees could be lit. Then she decided she would want to be one of the people who worked there with the trains. She could keep them running smoothly and gather up the change on the grass and hand it to all the small children standing along the fence so they could try their luck as the train cars went by. Thing 1 and I agreed that it would a great job for her.

Finally, we were tired and ready to head home. YBW got this shot of us walking together.

(I’m on the left, Thing 1 in the middle, and Thing 2 on the right.)

Categories: me | Tags: adventure, all the baby Jesuses, blessings, candles, Christmas, creche exhibit, daughters, family, feelings, fun, God is in us, God is love, joy, light a candle in prayer, little things mean the most, love, mothers and daughters, national Christmas tree, nativities, peace, prayer, the ellipse, Thing 1, Thing 2, trains, washington national cathedral, YBW | 4 Comments

and there was much rejoicing…yaaaaaaaaay

Posted on December 24, 2015 by robynbird

All the Whos down in Whoville, the tall and the small, are really irritated the rain falling from the sky isn’t snow!

The forecast for Washington DC today: 72° with scattered showers and thunderstorms. A few storms may be severe. Winds SW 10 to 20 MPH. (Thanks, weather.com, for your bleak Christmas Eve forecast.)
The rain has plagued us for days on end and will continue straight on through the weekend. Damn this warm weather! If it was cold outside, we could have a white Christmas!

I’ve already checked my camera battery (new SD card fully functioning) and will head out in a couple of hours to Cathedral Crèche Exhibition!
It’ll be a lovely day to be inside the Cathedral to see all the baby Jesuses! It’ll be a shit day to drive around the Metro area.

Thing 1 and fiance N arrived safe and sound yesterday evening! YBW picked them up at the airport on his way home from work.
Thing 2 and I danced around the kitchen to the Nutcracker while we waited for them to get home.
Finally they got here!

Boyfriend D was scheduled to get on the train at 4:00 this morning, only the train is running five hours behind and is stuck in Savannah. Thing 2 wonders if he’ll get here by Christmas. I’m with her, but I worry about the poor sod who has to go get him as the train arrival time pushes back later and later.
Our plan was to grab him from the King Street train station at his 2:00 pm arrival time on our way out of DC. New plans are in the works.

Thing C and Thing G come home from their mom’s this evening!
Our own Whos, the tall and the small, will be under one roof tonight snuggled in their beds with dreams of sugar plums and Santa in their heads!

My beloved sister-in-law celebrates her birthday today! In the old days when we lived near each other, the anniversary of her birth would be celebrated with a delicious white cake with white icing and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot. Now that we live far apart, I post on fb, I text and call. We say: I lovey you! and promise to see each other soon. I miss her so. I long to wrap my arms around her, especially today, on her birthday.

My heart grew three sizes writing this post! I am filled to overflowing with love!
I wish you all the happiest Christmas!

Categories: me | Tags: all the baby Jesuses, all the whos down in whoville, and there was much rejoicing, birthday, birthday cake, blended families, blessings, cake and champagne, Christmas, Christmas Eve, creche exhibit, family, fathers and sons, happy, happy birthday, heart grew three sizes that day, joy, love, mothers and daughters, nativities, Santa Claus, santa claus is coming down your chimney tonight, sharing, The Nutcracker, the tall and the small, visions of sugar plums, washington national cathedral | Leave a comment

dreaming Clara’s dream

Posted on December 23, 2015 by robynbird

Eeeeeeeeee!
Last night was The Nutcracker!

We found our seats and had a little clap and squeal!

The curtain was late going up by about ten minutes and it was as hot as hell in the theater. But we were honestly the happiest girls in the world!

I adore Septime Webre, The Washington Ballet‘s Artistic Director. He’s an absolute genius!
Take a peek at his note from the playbill.

I love his American vision for The Nutcracker. George Washington as the Nutcracker was precious.
Thank you Clara, for sharing your beautiful dream with us!
I experienced a few happy tears during Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.

Here’s a little treat for you:

Categories: love, me, on being a mom | Tags: ballet, ballet love, Clara, dance of the sugar plum fairy, daughters, fun, George Washington, it's the most wonderful time of the year, joy, love, mothers and daughters, Septime Webre, The Nutcracker, the washington ballet | 1 Comment

busy and lazy Christmas fun

Posted on December 22, 2015 by robynbird

Thing 2 and I met Sundance and Girlie Thing yesterday morning for a bit of last minute Christmas shopping. We didn’t know Girlie Thing was going to be with her mom. I saw her before Thing 2 did and when I said it out loud, Thing 2 took off running down the store’s main aisle into the outstretched arms of her cousin. My heart grew three sizes that moment.
Sundance announced her progress since her surgery and Girlie Thing announced she has a boyfriend! There was a great deal of squealing and giggling.

Thing 2’s boyfriend D decided at the last moment to come here for Christmas. Which is wonderful! But…there are not gifts for him under the tree. I sent his Christmas Eve jammies and book and a couple of other things down to him earlier in the month.
But now that he’s going to be here Christmas morning, we had some quick shopping to do. The mom in me and the dad in YBW couldn’t abide him being the only person with nothing under the tree. YBW tasked Thing 2 straight away with the job of going with me to choose things for him. It was cute, he was all: This is your job! You can’t do anything else until it’s finished!
We not only managed to finish in one day, but get everything wrapped too!

Then the lazy fun started! Holiday movie time!
We started with Love Actually while I wrapped his gifts. The whole time making fun of the articles I sent her before I wrote about the haters in I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes….
We took a break when YBW came home to eat a quick dinner and then organized ALL the pressies, moved the bulk downstairs.
We snuggled up on the sofa and went straight back to it. Thing 2 wishes the haters some ‘Love Actually’ peace.

We had a mini-debate on whether to watch The Holiday or Miracle on 34th Street (the original). Thing 1 wants to see Miracle on 34th Street, but we figured we could watch it twice…
We did the age old “behind the back choosing” and realized we wanted The Holiday most.
I popped corn and we got sorted on the sofa ready to go. Thing 2 gives two thumbs up.

Today’s movies: Miracle on 34th Street (to be watched again at some point after Thing 1 arrives tomorrow afternoon) and White Christmas. (I’ve watched it two and a half times already this season, but Thing 2 has never seen it and I think she’ll like it.)

What will we do this evening you ask?
Why, The Nutcracker, of course! So much squealing and clapping!