Posts Tagged With: quiet

the sound of silence

Sssshhhhh.
Listen.
Do you hear that?

It’s silence.

There is nobody in our home but YBW and me.

All the Whos down in Whoville, the tall and the small, have gone to their other homes.

Thing C and Thing G yesterday, to their mother’s.
We just took Thing 1 and fiance N to the airport. They will go to his mother’s to grab their things and move to their new home this week.
(Thing 2 and boyfriend D left last Sunday in order to spend NYE with their friends.)

YBW told me several times that this was “the best Christmas ever”. I couldn’t agree more! All our babies at home together was truly a Christmas blessing!

That said, I’m honestly happy to be alone in our home. That many people for that long just about wore me out.
Now, what will most likely happen is I’ll enjoy the quiet for about three or four days and then I’ll miss my girls.
(The boys will come back Friday.)

But for now, I’m happy to be at home enjoying the sound of silence with my love.
We’ve already decided not to leave the house tomorrow. I’m going to suggest a bath for two, perhaps a bit of love making, and some serious lounging on the sofa time.

Advertisements
Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

sometimes you just don’t need words

This pretty much sums me up.
download
I’m not feeling an overabundance of clever words this morning, but I do see something pretty. Snow is falling steadily making everything white. It’s absolutely beautiful and I do love it.
Rarely do I consider pretty things over clever words…but today I humbly accept the simple beauty of the snow and realize I don’t need words.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

if wishes were horses, beggars could ride

Yesterday was hard and I felt quiet. YBW celebrated with Thing C and Thing G and we went to his nephew’s graduation party. I was quiet, I drank water and ate a tiny spoonful of banana pudding. We went home and watched a movie all snuggled together on the sofa before the boys went back home to their mom’s. (It’s her week.)
When the boys left, YBW hugged me and asked was I sad, was I thinking about my dad. No, not sad, no, not really thinking about my dad in the context of Father’s Day…I can’t stop thinking about him…about the mess he left behind…about how much work it is to clean it up and how much I don’t want to clean it up.

I got home from school right about 4:00 on Friday, went upstairs, took off my shoes, then my britches and before I could put on new ones, I fell asleep on my bed. YBW came home (I don’t know what time it was.) and checked to see if I wanted to get up. I tried and couldn’t…I just kept sleeping. He came back a few hours later asking if I wanted dinner. No thank you, and back to sleep. I got up at 8:00 and got a drink of water pulled my jammies on and went back to bed. I slept straight through till 8:00 Saturday morning.
I just want to stay in my bed all the time.

This is my last week in my classroom…I move to a new classroom in a different age-group next week…I came here and completely salvaged the two year old program and now have been asked to do the same for the three year old program. So when I clean up this mess…will I have salvaged myself out of a job?
There is a part of me that is eager to get it underway, the transformation of space and ‘wrangling’ of children, creating a sense of community…a classroom family if you will.
YBW told me it’s what I do best, organize and restructure and make it run smoothly…he says I like to see the progress. He’s right. I’m just not sure now is the best time…
What I do know is this: I’ll be successful and satisfied.

Sundance and I are currently texting, asking how the other is we each respond with: ‘Same as it ever was.’ I then wrote: ‘I’m so sick of same as it ever was. Yet I dread change.’ (I’m going to need for you to get it together, Robynbird.)

Today is the first day of a thirty day cleanse…my body has suffered my indifference long enough and needs to be taken good care of. I spent a goodly bit of money without much thought…but it felt right when I considered it. It’s not about weight as much as my health and way my clothes fit…this is about losing inches as well as weight…bring on the inches! (Well, take away the inches, but you know what I mean.)

My dad used to say: If wishes were horses, beggars could ride.

That’s cool, Daddie, but I’m going to wish and ride and eventually feel better in the process. Perhaps the cleansing of my body will somehow promote the cleansing of my soul?

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

weekend at the beach?

I’m ready for a mini-break.
Only a weekend, doesn’t even have to be a long weekend…just a few days away. I’m leaning towards the beach. I love the beach when it’s cold I love getting to do all the fun beachy stuff without the myriad people all up in it.
So the question becomes which beach. Ideally I’d head to Duck, but that’s a bit of a schlep for a simple weekend, VA beach has The Jewish Mother, and is close enough to be a short weekend jaunt. Or I could head north to Delaware or Maryland.
Honestly, I don’t care where the mini-break is…I just want to get out of this place for a little while…away from school and home and the responsibilities. I want to be quiet, but not at home.

I’ve been quiet since the sad news last week, I’m not sure YBW knows quite what to do about me. He keeps asking if I’m OK. Yeah, I’m OK. I mean, seriously, this puts everything into perspective, right? But I’m quiet. And I’ve learned that when I’m quiet, he’s quiet…withdrawn quiet. (I don’t think that’s his intention, I think it’s how it feels to me…I think he doesn’t know how to help so he’s respecting the quiet, but it makes me feels icky.)
I don’t know how I’m processing what’s going on with people I care about, I mean I cried because I returned a pillow to Pier 1 on Sunday.

I was looking for a project around the house, not one that’s too big, but something I can control and execute, to feel as though there is order. I am a great admirer of order. The pillow was to be part of that project, and though I absolutely adored the pillow, it was not working so I returned it. Then I was left feeling as though I have no purpose. So I can move on to another project idea or I can stop and take a great big breath.

Mini-break.
Makes sense to me, examine how I’m processing all that I’ve experienced in the last week without redirecting it into something I can control. (Though I really do want to paint some things around the house.) A couple of days at the beach, walking the sand, doing beachy things, being quiet away from the places I have responsibility. As I’m writing this I’m considering whether or not I want to take this time alone or with YBW…I honestly don’t want to be alone, I just want to be quiet, until I’m ready to talk. I want to feel cared for and coddled without compromising my dignity (or his) I want to be in the moment together.

He’ll be home soon and when he gets here I’m going to see if I can interest him in a beach weekend.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

circle the wagons

I’m feeling the need to retreat into myself.

Normally, this is not a good feeling for me. It tends to mean I feel overwhelmed and need a break. The idea of a break is sound. The problem is, normally when I experience this feeling, it not only means I’m overwhelmed but also that I’m feeling disconnected.
So the idea of shutting myself in is only good for part of what ails me…the part that needs a little quiet. The disconnected part will suffer this circling of the wagons because it momentarily severs ties to those around me.

I have time to make good choices…I’ve been weighing my options and have decided I can lock myself up with my computer (Because I absolutely have to finish editing the book my holistic doctor asked for help with.) but only for a set period of time.
That’s the quiet.

Now for staying connected.
Yeah…I don’t really give a damn about that right now…which means staying connected must be a priority.

Thing C and Thing G come home from their mom’s today. Of course Thing G has been over our house every single day this week because of a bit of change in his mom’s schedule so it’s not really any different than it’s been all week.
Though it did help me realize how much I’ve come to appreciate those weeks when there isn’t anybody I have to be responsible for in my home.
I was really very sick for four days in the previous week, then back to school without another adult in my classroom, then no real quiet time with or without YBW and now we’re back to the “boys week”.

The quiet can be had…
Even the idea of connecting feels forced, so much so that I have little interest in making the effort.

Interestingly enough, I was considering heading out to see my dad on Sunday, (Talk about being desperate for a connection!) but it felt good when I thought it so I will trust my gut.
Felt, thought and trust…the heart feels, the head thinks, the gut knows what’s up.

Though I might ignore all three and hold up in the quiet for as long as I can stand it. I’m tired and I don’t want to put forth any effort, don’t want to be around anyone…perhaps I’m sick of winter, I have a strong desire to “go out and get the stink blown off” me but it’s just too damn cold for that nonsense.

Editing must come first.
After that, it’s a crap shoot.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

OBX 8.13.10 7:22 am EDT

I decided to share with you an old journal entry that I especially love.

It’s funny to me what solitude looks like.
I’ve left five people sleeping to come sit on the beach with my journal on the off chance I’ll find some peace.
Now I’m not the only human on the beach this morning, but there are precious few and they all seem to be walking idly by as I sit in my duck jammie pants in my low canvas chair.

I’ve become completely distracted with two little sandpipers running so quickly on their little bird feet in that timeless dance with the tide, pick pick picking at the tiny air bubbles to find a bit of sand crab breakfast. The first bird found a pretty big crab and carried it up the beach just past where the tide could reach immediately set it down and began to poke and pick at it, when she seemed to have gotten her fill she left the shell and skibbled off to see what else she could find.
I’m watching several of these quick little birds pecking the bubbly wet sand probing with their long slender beaks extracting shell after shell filled with their yummy crab breakfast, but all these birds are eating the entire thing, only that one little bird left the shell. I find myself wondering if that’s why she is so much smaller than the others I see this morning.

A little further up the beach a school of fish seems to have washed up and become beached the cool morning sunlight reflecting hundreds of silver flashes as they flip and flop gasping for water to breathe.
The waves that so cruelly deposited them on the sand come back just enough to tease them, to let them breathe for just a moment before moving back into the sea. Some of these little fish have been able to make their way back into the ocean but the ones left on the sand gasp and flounder once more.
I’m equally horrified and amazed by this scene, part of me needs to get up run down there and just start chucking fish into the sea, another part of me knows it will solve itself one way or another as it has done since the dawn of time. A young woman stopped and began to throw the fish back into the water…until the seagulls came…and then she covered her head and ran a bit up the beach before she looked back and slowed her escape.
The seagulls are overjoyed at the open buffet. They swoop down to grab a snack and move away a bit before enjoying the spoils, this goes on for quite some time and then as quickly as the scavengers came…they are gone.
There is no more silver flashing in the sun, and I am reminded of John Cleese and Michael Palin…those are “ex-fish”.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.

To Write or not to Write and What to Write

#shortstories #thoughts #reflections

The Jane Doe Byline

When it comes to stewed prunes, are three enough or are four too many?

Thinker Boy: Blog & Art

by Troy Headrick

A Teacher's Reflections

Thirty Years of Wonder

Life and Random Thinking

A old dog CAN blog

charles french words reading and writing

An exploration of writing and reading

I am Kat...

My journey through this thing called life....

Self Love Coffee

read. sip. heal.

Hey Mom, Now What?

Real Mom Questions, Real Mom Answers

A Question of Lust

"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Sawblades In Your Walkman

effervescing with muchness

History Tech

History, technology, and probably some other stuff

Tales from the mind of Kristian

Visit the darkest crevices of my mind, dare to tread where many fear to go. You may find something interesting or you may find a mirror to your soul.

Writer of Words, etc

Words, food, thoughts, sports

walkingtheclouds

where the clouds may lead

Meditations in Motion

Running and life: thoughts from a runner who has been around the block

Winter1137's blog

Social anxiety, depression and a cat obsession. The fun never ends.

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

..because the thoughts that fall, kicking and screaming from my head need a safe place to land..

WhyToStop

Seattle Fashion & Lifestyle Blog By Rachna

Finding French Charming

Finding True Love.. Even After Forty

The Nerdy Lion

Lions can wear glasses too

%d bloggers like this: