Y’all know I am absolutely obsessed with porch life. This spring and summer have afforded me loads of time to spend on the back porch.
Currently it’s just too damn hot to even consider going out there. We hit a heat index of 105 yesterday, and it’s not much less today at 101.
Over the weekend and earlier in the week though, I was out on the porch a great deal.
Monday afternoon I went out with my journal and sat writing for the longest time.
I was having a really lovely day. I was productive and felt fully present in my life. I was truly living my intention that day. And while I was writing, the most amazing (albeit obvious) thing occurred to me.
My love of porch life is me living my intention!
I feel like there should be a great big, “Duh!” at the end of that statement. Only I’m not going to judge it. I’m just embracing the hell out of it.
Little reminders. Little things. Little pleasures. That’s the love.
When I’m writing about how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking, and how it impacts my daily life, I experience the love.
More times than not, it’s about paying attention.
When I’m present in my life, I mean actively living, and open to the world around me, I’m living my intention without even trying.
Enjoying porch life is a way I can express love for myself. It’s a way of living my intention of love for me.
Life on the porch is a peaceful, love-filled, lemon-scented paradise and if that’s not living my intention, I don’t know what could be.
Thing 2 is twenty today!
Twenty years of the muchiest muchness you ever saw!
That girl.
Sometimes she’s the most precious angel. Sometimes she’s the devil incarnate. I suspect that could be said about many girls on the planet, only this one is my girl.
At the Udvar-Hazy there, is a missile with Thing 2’s name on it. Whenever I see it, this is what I think, ‘Thing 2 missile, blowing shit up with sass!’
Because that’s kind of what she does. She just goes around blowing ship up with her sass. I actually love that about her.
She wears a bit of an armor, going around like a bad ass, but she’s got a kindness to her that she keeps close to the chest.
Like Veronica Mars, Thing 2 has a marshmallow center.
We’ve had a tricky time of late. She’s trying to figure out how to be a more grown version of herself. I’m trying to feel connected to her as she develops this new version of herself.
It’s easy to let miles and time create a hole in our relationship. We both do it.
The hole in our relationship doesn’t mean we don’t love each other, but it sure feels icky to have to traverse that hole to connect with each other.
Five years ago, she wrote this:
Truth is: You are the best mom I could ever ask for, even when I’m all messed up-you fix everything! Love you.
I want to be this mom still. Only that ship has sailed. I can’t fix everything for her anymore. I know that. Knowing it and accepting how that feels are two different things. I will always be her Momma. Only in an entirely new and less active way.
Last month she wrote this:
Oftentimes it feels like you’re reaching out to and calling for a Thing 2 that I’m just not anymore. Be it that you want different things for me, or just different things in general. I can’t be “your Thing 2” anymore. I have to be the person that I am, even if that’s still flaky right now.
…
You will always be my mom and I will always be your daughter. I need you to respect that your role in that isn’t going to be as active as it used to be. That doesn’t mean that I don’t need you, and it’s ridiculous that I don’t want you in my life–I just want you to let me go a little.
In my response I wrote the following:
As for being “my Thing 2”, well, you will always be “my Thing 2”, that’s just because I’m your Momma. The Thing 2 you are is a constantly growing and developing Thing 2, that’s natural. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
…
What you don’t know is that I don’t judge you. I believe you think I do. But in all honesty, I don’t. All I want is for you to get your muchness fired up and be the Thing 2 you want to be. That might look like something I never even expected. And that is OK! I know the Thing 2 you’ve been isn’t the Thing 2 you want to be, I know you want more for yourself. Only you can decide what that looks like.
…
We will always be connected because you are my daughter and I am your mother. I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. I long to be connected to you as a human being. I want to know the Thing 2 you are now, the Thing 2 you are becoming. Not only because I’m your mom, but because I have a burning desire to know you as a human being.
Today, as we celebrate the twentieth anniversary of her birth. I’m reminded of the sick baby she was. I’m reminded of the precocious preschooler she was. I’m reminded of the sweet girl she was. I’m reminded of the sassy teenager filled with “wizard angst” she was. I’m reminded that through every illness, joy, sadness, laugh, tear, hair color, and fight, she is my baby.
She is the love I never even knew I needed.
She is my heart outside my body.
I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Woo Hoo! Birthday Birthday! Happiest day to you, Moo! I love you more than the moon and the stars.
Y’all! I saw Baby Driver earlier this week!
I’m so serious when I say, “Run. Do not walk to go see this!”
When I first left the theater, I was feeling as though I had so much more to digest. That meant I couldn’t really formulate an opinion. (somebody write that down, stat!) Seriously though, I’ve been thinking on this movie every single day since I saw it.
But Baby Driver was something else!
The way everything was timed to the soundtrack made the whole thing for me!
I went in blind. Thing C and YBW were all, let’s go see this movie. I was game so off I went. I knew nothing about it other than Kevin Spacey and Jamie Foxx were in it. And that kid who died in TFIOS. I pretty much agreed to go because YBW asked me specifically and sweetened the deal with the promise of popcorn.
As I sat in the dark with my popcorn and Coke, I realized how freeing it was to watch a movie for which I had no anticipation or preconceived notions.
I loved it!
Y’all gotta go see this movie!
Here’s something cool about the music in this movie. Beware: contains spoilers!
Here’s a random thing I like about YBW: his ability to fly by the seat of his pants. That’s isn’t a trait I’m especially good at and he’s teaching me how to…be inclined to try it. Isn’t that fortunate? Flying by the seat of your pants isn’t as anxiety inducing when you’ve got somebody holding your hand.
Yesterday we went out with the plan of visiting a (new to us)winery, with the possibility of stopping to take photos as we might be moved.
Turns out we had old information because when we pulled up to the vineyard, the gates were locked and a sign told us the hours of operation were Friday – Saturday – Sunday 11 to 5. So much for open daily 11 to 5.
In that moment we had a choice.
Let disappointment suck the air out of our sails, or quickly regroup and come up with a plan.
When I suggested we go to “our” winery, YBW asked if I really wanted wine. Not so much.
So we drove along route 55 for a while and found this abandoned barn.
Only this farm wasn’t abandoned, it was just dilapidated. It was actually home to some cows, and a (fairly) modern tractor was parked near the fence.
Since we were nearly there and neither of us had recollection of ever actually being there, we decided to check out Front Royal to see what the little town had to offer.
We ate a yummy lunch before wandering Main Street. It was mostly antique shops, but we had fun. You never know what you’re going to find.
I bought an old glass phone line insulator.
I haven’t yet decided what I’ll do with it, which should always be the first step in purchasing something you don’t really need. But I love the color of it. The history. The fact it has the company name on it.
It’s probably just something that will need to be dusted, but I don’t care. I wanted it. And I spent less than $20 from my babysitting money to own it. (Is it funny that a grown ass woman talks about her babysitting money? Yeah, it kind of is. But two of my sweetest friends both celebrated their wedding anniversaries the end of June and needed someone to look after their children.)
Anyway, my sweet husband and I had a lovely day together just flying by the seat of our pants.
I can say this stuff to Sundance. She knows me well enough that the meaning is understood in concept without concerning herself with the actuality of it.
Am I a misanthrope?
Not really. I just can’t stand being around ignorant people out in public.
When the squinty eyes come out, you know there’s bound to be trouble.
You ever have days like this?
Days when you just know that if it was up to you, the world wouldn’t be full of
I don’t know what gets me rattled, I should probably just ignore more of what goes on around me. Only I can’t seem to do that. I hold others to the expectations to which I hold myself. How to properly behave in public is something I feel like should be a no-brainer.
I mean, it’s pretty simple, right?
Just don’t act like a dick.
I know my mom was a hard ass, a no-nonsense kind of dictator parent. But she taught me the importance of how to behave around other people.
Sure, I’m a sarcastic bitch. But I don’t act a fool.
Some of these people out in the world need to tighten it the f**k up.
Ugh!
I feel like I’m forever making this face.
The things they say. The physical space they take up. The absolute lack of awareness of the world around them. These rampant packs of fools milling about.
I’m going to need for y’all to get it together already!
Do I simply need more patience?
That wouldn’t be a bad thing…
If folks would get their shit straight out in public, I would attempt a bit more patience. It’s a two-way street, people. I’m just sayin’.
My heart is full of love.
I got a snapchat from Thing 2 late last night.
She’s at her sister’s!
The idea of my two Things together makes me so happy!
They have a uniquely precious friendship. It’s been through it’s share of troubles, but what sister relationship hasn’t?
They’ve lived through every moment of their lives (well, Thing 2’s life anyway) together. Every joy. Every sadness. Every fear. Every love. They’ve been each other’s best friend and worst enemy. Though they are quick to get at each other, each girl would kill or die to protect her sister from an outside threat. Even now, after time and events and miles have created a distance between them.
Am I jealous?
No, that’s not the right word.
Do I feel like I’m missing out?
Absolutely!
But not in a selfish way.
Being able to witness their complicated love of the last (nearly) twenty years. To see how their relationship has evolved as they become women. To listen as they speak their own personal language, when they finish each other’s sentences. To laugh at age-old jokes, or family stories they love to share.
I love the relationship my daughters have with each other. They are so blessed to have it. And they know it.
Sure, they take each other for granted. Sure they annoy each other if they’re together for too long. But when it comes down to it, they belong to each other in a way they belong to none of the rest of us.
This is how I’m feeling about summer!
All this tricky day planning!
That’s why I created a schedule.
That’s why I prioritized my tasks.
House- and schoolwork fall under the challenging catagory, while porch life is without doubt in the seductive.
It’s about marrying the two.
Sure, it makes it difficult to plan your day.
This morning I woke late, mostly recovered from a headache. I’m choosing to set aside my schedule. It’s not about seductive or challenging for me this morning, it’s about paying attention to my body. It obviously needed the rest.
So, my plan of attack for this Saturday will be set aside while I feel out how I’m going to function.
You know what?
It’s fine with me to let the day sort of plan itself.
There will be time for challenges and seduction as the days move along.
Will I plan? Pfft. Do you have to ask?
Will I deviate from those plans? Possibly.
The days we have in this world are a gift. And whether it’s to enjoy or improve, I intend to utilize them to the fullest.
We had company in the form of YBW’s cousin, her husband, and their three year old daughter the week after school let out. This delayed my “first week of summer” plans. To finish the base cabinets and photograph all my lula merch. Of course porch life plays a big part in how I spend my time. But, every hard working bird needs a lovely place to perch in the afternoon.
I’m not following my schedule…
Though I have prioritized my larger tasks.
*finish kitchen
*photograph lula
*finish building outdoor dining table
I’ve completely neglected my school work. And to be quite honest, I’m feeling a bit like Alice when it comes to that.
Only, I know I’ve got to kick it into gear and make some progress.
Oh how I despise being in a degree program I no longer care for.
Means to an end, sister. Means. To. An. End. (That’s what I keep telling myself.)
So, in times of stillness as I work on and complete my larger tasks, I will do homework.
Two courses are nearly in the bag. I just have to tighten it up and hit it out of the park. Effort is where it’s at. I’ll throw effort at it when I get my hands on some.
Tomorrow is the beginning of July! June flew past as I stared open-mouthed.
I’m expending effort into the large projects. Will save a bit for the smaller ones.
I shall prioritize my smaller tasks.
*homework
*writing
*camera time
*reading
Now, I say June flew past, but I have managed to enjoy a bit of the beginning of summer.
A solo trip to NGA where I discovered a wonderful photography exhibit, East of the Mississippi, Nineteenth-Century American Landscape photography. (And yes, I totally bought the exhibition catalog.) Thursday mornings at the farmers market with Meredith, Beau, and their sweet Mommy. A spur of the moment lunch date with Nora on Tuesday. Cider on the porch with Sundance Monday evening. I even managed to squeeze in a mani-pedi.
YBW and I have divided our time between porch life and watching the Nats play.
In the coming week after the kitchen is complete, I’ll spend some time with Catherine. There will be more porch life, (natch) and I’ll be ticking things off those lists. Even the things I don’t want to do.
In the meantime, Mungo Jerry is in my head, so I’ll share with y’all.
Summertime is where it’s at!
Though I fully agree with Azrael, that (there is) “No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than central air.”, I’m completely obsessed with porch life.
I ran errands Friday last. Garden center for more lemony herbs to deter mosquitoes, and Home Goods for new planters to put them in.
Then to Lowe’s where I found absolutely perfect outdoor rugs!
It’s a work in progress.
I’ll find other things we need as time goes on. I’m building a bar-height dining table from gorgeous reclaimed red oak. Then I’ll have to shop for chairs and possibly an umbrella too! Aww dang, won’t that be horrible?
I sit out here every chance I get. YBW came home yesterday and I holler into the house, “Come have porch life with me!” Then about an hour later, Sundance came in through the front door and straight out the back door onto the porch.
It’s my current favorite place to hang out. Sometimes we come out here with beers or hard cider. Sometimes just a Coca Cola. It’s a place for great conversations. It’s a place to enjoy good food and company.
I’ve got my freshly brewed peach tea in a glass filled with ice, and I’m heading out.
Porch life.
I’m telling y’all, it’s the only way to live!
Don’t you find as you get older that you just have less f**ks to give?
If we’re to believe Alice, I’m not the only one.
I want a simpler life.
I want strong relationships with the people in my life.
I grow weary of the drama.
I’m not drama, so why have it in my life?
It’s time for a cull.
Time to rid my life of unnecessary complications and weak relationships.
My life won’t look different to others. (Unless ‘others’ is among the culled.)
My life may not look that much different to me.
But I can assure you I’ll feel so much better.
The f**ks I give are mine.
And I’ll be holding on to them, thanks.
So I bid unnecessary complications and weak relationships a hearty:
therobynbirdsnest 