Posts Tagged With: honesty

note to self:

This is one of the truest statements I’ve read in a long time.
And to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t agree more.

However…

It’s easy to consider what I’m putting out in the world is benign. That my energy is pure of intention, and if misinterpreted it surely must be how it was received, not how it was intended.
You know, ‘it’s not me, it’s you’.

But the most important point in that meme is the final sentence.
“Just keep doing your thing with as much integrity and love as possible.”

Are we using as much integrity and love as possible when we put our energy out in the world?
I know that’s my intention, but do I do it each time I attempt to communicate? Probably not each time, but for the most part I feel confident in my integrity.

When we do our absolute damnedest to practice our values in our interactions with others, and we’re perceived in a way that differs from our intent, we must accept that we cannot change perception. We must accept that nothing we say or do can alter the way our energy is interpreted.
I can’t control how my energy lands in another, but I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable in an ‘it’s not me, it’s you’ situation.

And…
What happens when I’m the one on the receiving end of another’s energy that doesn’t sit well with me? When I’m the one filtering their energy through my own experience?
In the situation when another is ‘doing their thing with as much integrity and love as possible’.
In that case, I can only accept that their intention and my perception are different. I have to accept their energy with integrity and love.

Either way, whether I’m the one putting out energy in the world, or receiving energy others put out in the world, something specific is happening.
Assuming we each have integrity and love, there is a great deal of acceptance surrounding us. (Hooray!)

It’s mighty simple to say, “It’s not me, it’s you.”
It’s much trickier to accept that each one of us is who we are based upon our own lifetime of experiences.
Perhaps we could say, ‘it’s not my experience, it’s yours’.
It’s essentially the same thing, but it feels different, doesn’t it?
‘It’s not me, it’s you’ is defensive, selfish, and judgmental.
‘It’s not my experience, it’s yours’ is open, respectful, and accepting.

It takes effort on both parts.
It must come down to trust.
I can’t control how my energy will be received. I have to trust that if I am coming from that place of integrity and love I’m doing all I can to successfully communicate.
I also have to trust in my ability to accept. Whether that’s accepting that my intention and another’s perception is different, or my perception and another’s intention is different.

Y’all see these words too, right?
Integrity.
Love.
Acceptance.
Trust.

I’m just sayin…

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

be honest and unmerciful

The other day when I was writing about covert incest, I sent Thing 2 a message letting her know I was writing about that subject matter. That I was keeping her personal work private but that I was discussing her and I wanted to make sure that she was OK with it.

Her response?

One of my most beloved scenes from Almost Famous is a late night phone call between William and Lester Bangs in which the latter says, “Be honest and unmerciful.”

Thing 2 is a also fan of this movie, and that particular line.
I love that about her.

Honest and unmerciful.
I feel like that’s my current state of being.
Perhaps it’s Thing 2’s state of being as she does the hard work of self?

Recently, I attacked a situation that’s given me great grief, with an honest and unmerciful look at myself. I came up with an (equally) honest and unmerciful plan on how to proceed.

Y’all might be questioning the whole ‘unmerciful’ bit.
To be perfectly honest, I don’t blame you.
Unmerciful sounds a bit…what?
Cruel? Harsh?
Sans mercy.

Here’s the thing though, when I say ‘honest and unmerciful’ I’m using it the way I feel Lester Bangs did.

I believe it’s my job to be honest about who I am and what I’m doing in my life.
I’m no longer trying to be what other people want or expect.
I’m being honest to myself, and unmerciful with both the beauty and ugliness of my truth.

I am viewing everything I was, am, and shall be through this honest and unmerciful lens.
It makes me a more real me.
It helps me bring my truth to the world without feeling guilty, or fearful, or shameful.

Not like, ‘This is me. Like it or lump it.’
More like, ‘This is me. I see me. I present myself to be seen.”

If I am honest and unmerciful with myself, I become a better human, because what I bring to the world is as true and real as possible.
Yes. That’s it.
I will be honest and unmerciful as I look at myself. At my life.
For that is the mark of a true (and uncool) friend.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

speaking truths or the time to hesitate is through

After several days of struggling with my thoughts and emotions, I feel a little better today.
I had to be honest with myself before I could suss out what was going on. Journaling helped that. I had to get it all down on the page to see what was troubling me so. After being honest with myself I was able to be honest with others.
I had good conversations. Speaking truths that are hard to say out loud, especially when these truths could be hurtful to people I care about.
I feel like I’m at a place where I can proceed. Though not gone completely, my instinct to run has been quieted.
Being mindful and present in my relationships will keep them true. To love and be loved, to share and experience in this state of being more present is what’s best for me.

These are things I know. Things I preach. But I’m realizing it’s easy to become complacent. It’s easy to simply acquiesce. That needs to stop. For me. For the people I love.
I must be proactive. I must…do!

I feel much like Lucas at the beginning of Empire Records.
Lucas

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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