when wit turns mean

I have love, compassion, and kindness in my heart, but biting sarcasm coming out of my mouth.

What does it look like when wit turns mean?
Can one be of dry wit with the perfect bit of snark without crossing over to critical, hurtful, sarcasm?
Being playful, is that little bit of snarky humor without being unkind?

These are the questions I’m asking myself today.

Now, you may be aware of this quote.

I mean, come on, we have to admit Oscar Wilde was witty.
What interests me about this particular quote is I’m actually inclined to agree. Sarcasm, not super witty. But those who wield sarcasm are quite possibly using their intelligence, and instincts to point out what they observe about the world around them.
The more ‘intelligent’ (intuitive, instinctive, aware) you are the more you observe. The more you observe the more you understand. The more you understand the more you remark upon. The more you remark upon the more critical you can become.
That makes a kind of sense to me.

YBW and I were having a conversation with our therapist about helping each other feel safe. This kind of morphed into a discussion about him being butthurt (he used this word, I’m not being intentionally hurtful) when I’m “being myself” and saying whatever thing I’m thinking or feeling. Actually, it isn’t as much my words as it is my facial expressions.
Apparently when I think I’m making a “You sure about that?” face, what actually appears is a disapproving look.

This ‘face situation’ happens with positive emotions too. If I’m happy, y’all will know it!
(and that’s why I don’t play poker)
Most of what shows on my face and comes out of my mouth does not reflect what’s actually happening in my brain. Meaning, oftentimes what I’m actually thinking is much more kind than what my face shows.

According to Clifford N Lazarus Ph.D., sarcasm is really just hostility disguised as humor.

Am I hostile?!?
Do I attempt to mock or show contempt?!?
Do I honestly think I’m better than other people?
(Let’s be real, I am better than some people. I mean, for the most part I am a helpful, productive member of society. That said, am I walking the walk that matches the talk I’m talking?)
Here’s my truth.
I honestly have love and kindness and compassion in my heart.
When I say my intention is to do everything in love. It’s not bullshit. I’m as serious and I can possibly be.
I believe in the power of kindness. The power of compassion. The power of love.
They’re our super powers!

So why is that not reflected in what my mouth spews?
Why is it I can express my love, my kindness, my devotion a thousand million times, but the three times I express something like, “Don’t be stupid.” that’s what becomes internalized? When I say, “Don’t be stupid.” It’s not that I actually think the subject, or person, or whatever is stupid, I’m jut saying something off the cuff, something that to me means more like, “That’s a silly thing.” And mostly I mean it in a playful way.
Which leads us to intention.
For the most part, my intention is to just be “stupid” myself, by saying or doing something off the cuff. Off the cuff means I’m not putting any thought into it.
Not. Putting. Any. Thought. Into. It.
Whoa!
I’m not being mindful. I’m just saying whatever comes into my mind as fast as it comes.

I’m not hostile! (well, sometimes I am) I’m simply not paying attention. I’m not being mindful.
Words can and do hurt.
Dry wit is funny.
Snark can be funny.
Sarcasm is hurtful.

I don’t understand why I’m just now realizing that.
I learned that meanness as a small child. I learned that was how you communicate. My mother was more sarcastic than I could ever dream of being! But she was hostile. And she was chock-full of contempt.
I didn’t know. I didn’t know then what I know about her now.
I didn’t know that being mean was not the way I should treat people.
Only, I didn’t know it was mean. I thought that was how people who loved each other functioned.

Oh, I’m not making excuses, I understand that sometimes sarcasm sounds unkind.
What I’m really understanding for the first time is that my intentions and my actions are at odds.
I have much work to do.
I want my intentions and actions to become much more cohesive.
I’m journaling my ass off getting ready for my appointment with my own therapist next week.

I’ve been fighting to reach perfection my entire life!
Perfection is the big lie!
Being critical of others might make one feel perfect…but perfection isn’t truly achievable.
Being the best possible you is the only thing you can really strive for.

Damn.
It’s true what they say about learning something new each day. Kinda wish I’d known all this a bit sooner though.
I’m not entire finished with this thought process. There’s more to it. I’m going to give it a good think and get back to you.

Advertisements
Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 6

I’ve liked Bastille since the Bad Blood album in 2013.
And love this Marshmello and Bastille collaboration.

The video wasn’t what I expected when I first heard the lyrics, but it was beautiful!
*warning*
You will cry real tears.

This is Happier.

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

sunshine blogger award

DM over at Pointless Overthinking nominated me for this award! Thank you! I appreciate the shout out!
The Rules
Thank the person who nominated you.
Link the post back to them.
Display the picture on your post.
Answer their questions.
Nominate 11 bloggers.
Provide 11 questions for your nominees.

DM’s not messing around with these questions, and it’s taken me a hot second to get it together enough to answer, but here goes!

What do you do on a daily basis to achieve your dreams?
Make lists.
Journal.

What would you like to achieve by the end of this year?
To be truly comfortable in my environment.

What do you do when you feel the need to motivate yourself?
First I have a little “come to Jesus” with myself about getting it together then I make a list.

What easy change could you make in your life which would have a great impact?
Saying goodbye to Coca Cola.
And quite possibly, being less of an uptight control freak. Caring less about what others do or don’t do, or do differently than I do. Most importantly, remembering that caring less does not mean loving less. I can love others without actively wrapping myself around the axel giving f**ks about how they do what they do.

Which is the biggest obstacle you face right now?
Time management.
Lately, mine is crap. Even my mad planning skills sometimes can’t help me when I need to get it together.

Which area in your life needs most of your attention?
School.
(School school, not work school.)

What is your biggest enemy?
Being distracted.

What is your most useful hobby?
I’m going to have to say reading. As far as I can tell, it’s the simplest way to learn as much as you can without even getting up off your duff.

Which part of the world is a “wanted to visit” and why?
Istanbul, Turkey.
Why? I think because I’m fascinated that it’s been around for as long as it has. Byzantium, Constantinople, now Istanbul. (Y’all hear They Might Be Giants too, right?) I loved learning about the Ottoman Empire in World History. I’m awed by the way so many cultures came together to create this place!
That’s not really a why that makes any kind of sense, but all I can say is that I’m fascinated and long to be there!
St. Petersburg, Russia.
Why? History. Culture. The ballet. It would be a dream come true for me to spend time in this city.

What do you want the most in this life and why?
To successfully live my intention.
Why?
I believe actively living with courage and kindness, and doing everything in love will fulfill my soul’s quest in this life.

What is the most interesting you’ve learned about yourself this year?
I remembered something about myself this year.
I love solitary road trips. They’re good for the soul. And the brain. The time I was able to spend with myself was positive and filled with ideas.
Most of all, it was filled with kindness. I was able to really able to be loving and kind to myself.
That’s always a wonderful thing!

My Nominees
Kalliope
Claudette
Walking the Clouds
Rory
Sawblades in Your Walkman
Katie
Britchy
Mistakes and Adventures
Matt
Max
LA
Jack

My Questions
This feels a little ‘Bridge of Death’ scene to me…but we’re going to trudge on anyway. Feel free to imagine me asking these questions in Terry Gilliam’s ‘Old Man’ voice knowing you’re not going to get catapulted into the ‘Gorge of Eternal Peril’.

1. What book most influenced you as a child/teen, and why?
2. What is your most beloved birthday memory?
3. What is your favorite destination, and why?
4. What advice would you give your twelve year old self?
5. Do you collect anything? If so, what, and why? (Y’all I’m using the term ‘collect’ loosely here.)
6. What is your personal theme song, and why?
7. What are you looking forward to?
8. Do you prefer reading physical books or on a tablet, and why?
9. With what person, real or imagined, living or dead, would you most like to spend one day?
10. What’s your guilty pleasure?
11. What is your spirit animal?

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , | 8 Comments

transition time

My twelve-year old niece woke up the morning of November second and began playing holiday music and decorating her bedroom for Christmas.
Initially I was a whole lot of WTF? but then I smiled as she strung lights, and created a display of nutcrackers on top of her dresser. She’s ready for the holidays!

I’ve always said, if I could go straight from Halloween to Christmas I’d be happy.
But you know, I’m not sure that’s entirely true. As much as I dislike Thanksgiving, I need the transition. I need that little bit of time between Halloween and Christmas. I need a little bit more time with my autumn decorations. I need time to get my (Christmas) ducks in order.

That said, I visited Pier 1, Home Goods, Hallmark, and Michaels today specifically for Christmasy things. I found and purchased ornaments for both Thing 1 and Thing 2. Also Husband N. Chose one for YBW, but the line at Pier 1 was longer than I had the patience to wait in so I’ll go back.

See, I need this time.
I need to make sure I have the perfect ornaments chosen for my family. I need to make sure I snatch up all the cute wrapping paper before it’s gone. In need to make sure I see what’s out there before every place is jam-slammed with other humans.

Thanksgiving is not my thing.
I try so hard not to be a hater, you know?
I just can’t help it. I truly believe it’s nothing more than an excuse for gluttony. And of course, my mother died the week of Thanksgiving. That I could have lived without.

However, I’m doing something new this year.
I’m choosing to embrace Thanksgiving as the transition time between Halloween and Christmas. I’m going to use this time to my advantage. I’ve even invited a house full of people for the giving of thanks.
I’m going to try so hard not to be an ass about Thanksgiving. I’m accepting its placement on the calendar as a blessing. I’m not quite ready for Christmas. But I need to get ready to be.
I’ll use this time to transition from leaves and pumpkins and cotton bolls to trees and stars and all the baby Jesuses.

For me, November will become a healthy transition time between Halloween and Christmas. And though I may never come to embrace Thanksgiving, I can accept it. I can choose to celebrate it.

I’m thankful every single day of my life. Even those days when I’m a raging f**king hater. I’m grateful for the life I have, the people in it, and the love that surrounds me.
Thanksgiving is a day, just like any other. I can choose to be filled with gratitude that day too. I can accept that it’s meaningful to people who aren’t me and embrace them instead of the day.

I’m so close to being ready to pull out all the Christmas things!
I just need a bit more time to transition.
Thanksgiving provides that for me this year.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , | 9 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 5

I know it’s late in the day, but I’ve been driving home from Charleston.

So quickly, this is a band I absolutely adore!
Here’s Vampire Weekend’s Unbelievers from Modern Vampires of the City.

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Immune to the view?

I woke this morning to the loveliest view.

As I sat this morning and wrote in my journal, I pondered the question of whether or not my family is immune to this view. Whether or not I’d become immune to this view if it was what I woke to every day.
I love to observe the marsh, the tide coming in and going out. The wildlife. The smell of the pluff mud is uniquely Charleston. If I was here every single day, would it hold the same fascination? Would I take it for granted? Or worse, would I begin to ignore it completely? Would I become immune?

These are interesting questions.
How much in our lives do we take for granted?
And why?
Sure, ‘life gets in the way’. But then I’m over here like, life gets in the way…of life? (WTF kind of sense does that make?)

Life is lovely, even the crap bits.
Gotta pay attention.
Gotta be grateful every single day. And not in that basic girl ‘hashtag grateful thankful blessed’ kind of way. I mean truly accepting what is in your world then choosing to embrace it.
I don’t know, it may seem a rather ridiculously simple point of view, but that’s how I see it.
Pay attention.
Accept the good and the crap as it comes and be grateful.
Be grateful because it’s your life.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , | 9 Comments

road trip baggage and snacks

Hi, my name is Robyn and I’m an over-packer.
Hi Robyn.

It is what it is, y’all.

I’m in Charleston for the next five days. Spending time with Sally and her fam and my beloved Jessica.
I don’t need this much stuff.
As I was pulling things out and laying them on my bed in preparation to pack I was aware that there was more than I needed.
It’s just my thing. (one of my many ‘things’)
I over pack.
I can’t rely on the exact number of (whatevers) being the right amount! You never know if you’re going to spill something on yourself. Or sneeze and pee your pants. Or just be sick of wearing something and want to change.
I want options.
And here’s the truth, I’m carrying the bag(s) so I can choose to fill or not as I see fit.

The one and only time I didn’t over pack, when I took exactly what I needed with nothing to spare, the weather was different than forcasted, we did different things than expected, and I had to borrow a pair of shoes from Thing 1.
NEVER AGAIN!

You might say, “One girl doesn’t need that many pairs of shoes for five days.”
To that I say, “First of all, up yours.”
I have one pair that I intend to wear with one particular dress. The dress and shoes ‘should’ have been left in the closet. But I love the dress and wanted to wear it in Charleston. And sure, other shoes would do, but these are the ones that I love best with the dress. So I packed them.
Again, I’m carrying the bag(s) therefore I make the decisions.
(After the photo was taken, I added two pairs of shoes.)

On another note…
YBW hugged me for the fifth time the morning I left and said, “The bag beside your purse is for you to take on the trip.” I got all smiley, and he said, “It’s not a present, it’s just me taking care of you.”

Y’all!
Look at this!


He packed my insulated lunch bag!
He was worried I wouldn’t eat while I was on the road.


Inside there was cheese, apples, mixed nuts, two pieces of Halloween candy I took from our bucket, and diet DP.
He packed me the perfect road trip snacks! Good protein, something sweet, and caffeine to keep me going when it gets late and I’ve still got miles to go.
And(!!!) Two packs of spearmint gum in the outside pocket. One to replace the nearly empty one in my purse, the other as ‘in case of gum emergency’ gum to have in the car!
I’m grateful to YBW for making my car lunch (and dinner)! It was kind, and I appreciate his thoughtfulness!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , | 11 Comments

anniversary celebration

YBW and I celebrated our anniversary in DC on Sunday with tickets for the World Premiere of Beetlejuice The Musical!

First we stopped at Round Robin Bar in the beautiful Willard for preshow cocktails.

We had a lovely chat and enjoyed people watching before we walked over to the National.

Orchestra seats were great!
There was an absolute buzz in the theater! I mean really, you could feel the anticipation in the air!
I’m going to go out on a limb and tell you that I loved loved loved this show!
The music was exactly what it needed to be. The actors were spot on. Costumes great. And the set! The set was spectacular!
So many great lines and visual gags, so many F words and gestures.
I have to say that one of my favorite moments was when Beetlejuice pulled a yarmulke from his pocket and placed it on his head before the wedding. This guy who so blatantly disregards any sort of propriety must cover his head before the wedding?!?! It played well for me, but ‘I myself am strange and unusual’.
If you’re planning to see it when it hits Broadway in the Spring, you won’t be disappointed!

It was cool and cloudy, but still a great day to walk around town.
After we left the theater, we were a bit early for our dinner reservations, YBW wanted to people watch down at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. He wanted to see what all the protesters had to say on that day.
I’m just reading the signs that pretty much say F**k Tr**p and thinking that if you’re going to sit outside someone’s house and protest them, you might consider being a more creative with your signs. I don’t know, perhaps that’s just me.

We arrived at Woodward Table and our table wasn’t ready yet so we decided to hang out in the bar for a bit. I went quickly to the ladies room and when I came back around the other end of the bar I heard the sound of a cork popping!
I looked at YBW and pointed at myself mouthing the words, “Is that for me?” He grinned an nodded.
When I sat down next to him, he said, “I was going to wait for you, but then I realized we needed some bubbly.”
(He was right!)

Delicious cheese board before dinner and a beautiful Autumnal menu made for a wonderful dinner.
Of course no dinner is complete without one of these.

What a lovely day!

Categories: me, music | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Happy Halloween

Today I was Pippi Longstocking and YBW was a Jedi Knight.
We rocked it!


We popped a bottle of bubbly and sat on our porch to greet trick or treaters.
Some of our favorite kids came by, some others we just saw photos of.

I LOVE Halloween!
Have a spooktacular night, y’all!

Categories: me | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

a tune for Tuesday vol 4

I’m not completely obsessing over this song, but I do quite like it.
I especially dig the concept.

This is The Beths with Future Me Hates Me

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Sawblades In Your Walkman

effervescing with muchness

Modern Mystic Mother

This is the stage where I am the star

History Tech

History, technology, and probably some other stuff

Tales from the mind of Kristian

Visit the darkest crevices of my mind, dare to tread where many fear to go. You may find something interesting or you may find a mirror to your soul.

Em's World

UK Lifestyle and Theatre Blogger

Writer of Words, etc

Words, food, thoughts, sports

walkingtheclouds

where the clouds may lead

Meditations in Motion

Running and life: thoughts from a runner who has been around the block

Clearly Sarah

my thoughts. my feels. my life.

Winter1137's blog

Social anxiety, depression and a cat obsession. The fun never ends.

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

..because the thoughts that fall, kicking and screaming from my head need a safe place to land..

WhyToStop

By Rachna

Finding French Charming

Finding True Love.. Even After Forty

The Nerdy Lion

Lions can wear glasses too

Trying to do it ALL

I have a 2 year old, a husband, a job, ME/CFS ... oh and I'm trying to lose weight. I have so many plates spinning the salad is hitting me on the chops as it goes round. This is my sweary, brutal, honest daily diary as I try to do it all. #swearymum #meawareness #MECFS

Family Furore

Parenting and Mental Health Blog

A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip!

We Each Have A Story To Tell

Thought Box

Sweet...Bitter...Happy...Sad...All thoughts trapped in a Box...

M.A. Lossl

An author's life, books, and historical research

Life at the end of a fork

The adventures of two culinary explorers adrift on the high-seas of our great city, London, in search of an edible El Dorado.

Pointless Overthinking

Understanding ourselves and the world we live in.

Water for Camels

Encouragement and Development for Social Workers and Those with a Mission of Helping Others

Anxiety The Bitch

We are present in the millions, yet we remain unheard

J. A. Allen

Scribbles on Cocktail Napkins

Mistakes & Adventures

What I've always wanted

Persevere

By Dan Sims

In A Messy World

I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me.

Living In the Sweet Spot

"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present." Jan Glidewell

%d bloggers like this: