a tune for Tuesday vol 97

This is an old The Temper Trap song from 2008, but I heard it just last week and fell in love (all over) again.
Have a listen and let me know what you think about Sweet Disposition.

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

hatching thoughts

My brain currently is all over the damn place.
If you’re not ready to handle a brain dump, I encourage you to look away.
You’ve been warned…

*****

I’ve been considering words.
Specifically the word wallow.
It’s not actually onomatopoeia…but it totally sounds like what it means.
I love that!
Also twinkle.
Twinkle sounds like it’s meaning too.

*****

I felt like my 2019 planner was my worst purchase last year…then I had a thought.
Lipstick.
Lipstick, (or lip gloss) is actually the worst 2019 purchase.
All those new colors. Hidden behind masks.
I expressed this thought to Thing 1.
She disagreed. She reasoned that a 2019 planner can never be used again, but lipsticks are good for a while. They’ll be able to be used in the future.
She may have a point.
Of course she asked me just yesterday if I thought I had enough lipstick in the ditty bag in my purse, so…

*****

Waiting for election results was interesting.
We made a conscious decision not to watch news coverage.
I checked the results each morning and before I went to bed.
Saturday came and Biden is our president elect.
Now, I don’t care what side of the aisle you’re on, this vote counting process was something to behold. Every vote, cast in whatever form, was counted.
It may have gone ‘your’ way, it may not. But either way, that’s democracy at work, y’all.

I also kind of love that the Count became a meme.
Like her Auntie Thing 2, Baby K loves Count von Count, especially his laugh.
Ah! Ah! Ah!

*****

Family stories.
I think most families have weird stories, but I pretty much only know my own.
Here are some of them.

My great aunt was engaged to a man but they never married because he died.
Only he didn’t really die. He knocked up another woman and had to marry her.
My aunt told everyone he died and remained unmarried for her entire life.

Grandaddy was in the CCC (Civilian Conservation Corps) in Alabama in the late 1930s. He met my grandmother, a local college student, they began dating. He contracted polio. When the university found out, they told the her she must stop dating him or leave school. With a semester to graduation, she chose to leave school and marry him. (he had no lasting effect from the polio)

My dad was adopted when he was five, before that he spent most of his childhood in foster homes. He had only a few memories of being with his birth mother.
One was vivid enough it stayed with him his entire life. They were in the kitchen and my dad was sitting in a high chair. His mother and a man (his father?) were fighting. His mother hit the man upside the head with an iron skillet. Blood spattered into my dad’s oatmeal. He never ate oatmeal the rest of his life.

*****

Remodeling construction finally ended.
The work was good, but the management and communication were shit. I won’t have this company back in my house. That’s OK, two bathrooms with brand new finishes are happily in use and we’re back to some semblance of normal around here.

*****

As much as I love Hocus Pocus, it is actually a terrible movie.
Though I am actually Winnifred Sanderson. Not that I want to consume the lives of little kids to stay young, beautiful and alive forever.

But that I’m pretty much fed up with everybody coming back in here with their bullshit while simultaneously coming back in here with my own bullshit.

*****

I’m so sick of being sick.
I’m sick of being tired.
I’m sick of being in pain.
Do not get Lyme disease, friends. It fucking SUCKS.
Four-hundred-sixty-two-thousand days left in a twenty one day cycle of antibiotics.

*****

Thing 2 and Boyfriend M arrive Thursday afternoon.
So! Excited!

*****

I’m absolutely heartbroken about the death of Alex Trebek.
May he rest in peace.

*****

Letterkenny.
It’s laugh out loud funny.
It’s head-scratching confounding.
It’s ridiculously low-brow while remarkably intelligent.
It’s brilliant and obvious at the same time.
It’s streaming on Hulu, and I encourage you to watch it!
Pitter patter.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

zero stars do not recommend

I have Lyme disease.
Zero stars.
VERY bad.
Would NEVER recommend.

I’ve been so sick, y’all.
These symptoms are no joke.
Fever and fatigue, headache and joint pain, and general malaise.
I can’t concentrate enough to read or write. I’m just kind of going through the motions. Lots of television and lots of lying low while Baby K plays.
I joke about being a whiny complainer, but I’m actually not. I’m the kind of girl that pulls herself up by her bootstraps and keeps on getting after it.
But this? This is me being an actual slug with lots of daytime resting and going to bed early while still getting after all the things.
I have been assured I’m not being a whiny crybaby, that I’m handling being sick and tired with grace and dignity. I think my family is more kind that truthful because I feel like I got run over by a truck.

I’m on day nine-hundred-seventy-six of twenty one days of doxycycline. (seriously, just kill me)

Ticks. What little fuckers! I hope the one that bit me suffers eternally in tick hell.

That’s what I get for being in the out of doors though, right?
We went for a shoot day.
A beautifully sunny fall day at Fairview Cemetery in Culpeper.
Leaves just beginning to do their Autumn thing.
YBW, Thing 1, and I had our cameras. Husband N and Baby K wandered about.

Is it worth it to suffer for my art?
Probably not.
I’m going to go take a nap now.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

would you rather – trois parties

visit the doctor or the dentist
Doctor! I hate going to the dentist.

clean the kitchen or clean the bathroom
While a clean bathroom is uber-sastisfying, a clean kitchen is even more so.

run a mile that was flat or walk three miles uphill
Three miles uphill. Ain’t nobody got time to run…

feed an elephant or feed an alligator
I wanna do both!! But I’ll choose elephant because it’s probably a bit safer.

a pet dog or a pet cat
KITTIES!!
I will pet a cat on a train
I will pet a cat in the rain
I will pet a cat in the house
I will pet a cat (but not) a mouse
I will pet a cat here or there
I will pet a cat anywhere
(Props to Dr Seuss)

Now it’s your turn!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 96

Have y’all heard this grandson song yet?
I am loving Dirty.
Let me know what you think!

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , , | 3 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 95

Thing 1 and I spent a day organizing Baby K’s room.
We started by taking everything out of the closet. While I worked on hanging clothes Thing 1 folded clothes.
Baby K played with toys and hangers, she unfolded shirts and pants, she worked tirelessly to successfully match socks. (with no actual success)

The whole time we were working Alt Nation was playing on my Sirius XM app.
When the Strokes came on Baby K stopped playing. She stood up and began to dance. She sang and danced and carried around my phone with true toddler joy. And when the song was over, she put down my phone and went back to trying to match socks.

So today I give y’all Reptilia, simply because Baby K loves it.

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

would you rather – deuxième partie

join the Avengers or join the Justice League
Avengers. I mean come on!

wear formal clothes or pajamas every day
Pajamas all day every day, even when I have to go do ‘the things’.

live in a cave or live in a tree house
Tree house. I once chose an apartment because of the giant tree beside it. Looking out the windows and on the balcony felt like living in a tree house.

be a deep sea diver or astronaut
Though I’m fascinated by all things ‘under the sea’, I feel panicky about diving. So, I’m going to say astronaut. Something about being able to see Earth from space appeals to me.

live without music or without television
I mean no TV might suck, but I could never live without music.

Now it’s your turn!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 94

I’m currently loving this Tame Impala song!
What do y’all think about Is It True?

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

feeling hopeful with Plato

Last week I read about someone’s journey as they do the work of self. I read about how they faltered, how the work is so much harder when the pain becomes so great they need to escape it. Oftentimes that involves crawling to the bottom of a bottle.
This got me thinking…
The pain is so great that stopping seems the only answer. The problem there is the constant stopping and starting again only serves the cycle of pain, and actually makes it worse.
By stopping the hard work of self when it becomes difficult or painful, it becomes even harder to begin again each time.
I believe working through the pain when it seems most difficult and unbearable is better for you. The only way out is through. And when you come out the other side, the pain is less acute, and you find it easier to breathe for a while.

I think it can be something as simple as learning yourself. Knowing your triggers. Knowing that at some point you’re going to feel so much pain you simply cannot go on. What you do then is how successful you’ll be on that journey.

Knowing oneself can be the most powerful tool in one’s bag
I do believe it’s as simple as that.
To know who you are.
To know why you are.
To be able to look at your choices and realize why you made them.
So many people can’t actually do that!
You’re where you are because of every single choice you’ve ever made. Sometimes choices are unconsciously made. We often ‘autopilot’ through our days.

What seems normal to you isn’t to someone who didn’t live your experiences. Those normal-seeming things create the way you view life, the way you move through life. How you treat others, how you permit others to treat you.
If your upbringing is skewed, your idea of normal is equally skewed.
Therefore, you behave, and accept others behavior based upon these norms.
Sometimes it isn’t until you have some life under your belt that you learn to see things from all perspectives…and then you realize your sense of normal is not, in fact, normal.

For some that happens sooner in life, for some later.
Working out those kinks is a tricky situation. And you’re bound to falter occasionally.
Figuring out who you actually are, who you want to be, and how to do that without taking into account all that seemingly normal…
You’re on a dark and difficult path. You’re going to fall. You’re going to get the shit kicked out of you, even if you’re actually kicking the shit out of yourself.
But, there is precious learning in this journey. And when you decide who you are based upon your own truth, and work to become that with every fiber of your being, it will be so worth it.

At least that’s my experience.
I’m on that journey, perhaps I’m further along than some, less than others. Perhaps I realized sooner, or later, or through different pain, that the seemingly normal was not at all right.
I’ve fought tooth and nail to get where I am in my own personal development. I’ve faltered. I’ve fallen. I’ve temporarily given up. But I get back up dust myself off and keep working.

The me I am now is nothing like the me they taught me to be.
I am the gift I gave myself.
The most sacred and precious gift of my life.

It’s the hardest work I’ve ever done.
And I cried.
And I bled.
And I completely shut down.
I had moments when it didn’t feel worth it, or I didn’t have any fight left in me.
But each time I got back up.

That spark of truth in me was too strong to extinguish with my ennui, or defeatist attitude, or simple exhaustion.
I’m not finished with that work, it just comes a little bit easier now than when I first started.
I may never be finished. I may do this work the rest of my days.
I owe that to myself.
I want to be the truest me. I want to share that me with the world.
I will work to be the truest me until the last breath leaves this body.
That sounds exhausting, but it also sounds hopeful.

Categories: mental health | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 93

YBW was playing music for Baby K on a Friday night a couple of weeks ago.
This Sufjan Stevens song was one she quite liked. The more I listened, the more I found myself liking it too. So much so that I asked him what it was and immediately knew I’d be sharing it with y’all.
What do you think about Chicago?

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments

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R. Eric Thomas

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