circle the wagons

I’m feeling the need to retreat into myself.

Normally, this is not a good feeling for me. It tends to mean I feel overwhelmed and need a break. The idea of a break is sound. The problem is, normally when I experience this feeling, it not only means I’m overwhelmed but also that I’m feeling disconnected.
So the idea of shutting myself in is only good for part of what ails me…the part that needs a little quiet. The disconnected part will suffer this circling of the wagons because it momentarily severs ties to those around me.

I have time to make good choices…I’ve been weighing my options and have decided I can lock myself up with my computer (Because I absolutely have to finish editing the book my holistic doctor asked for help with.) but only for a set period of time.
That’s the quiet.

Now for staying connected.
Yeah…I don’t really give a damn about that right now…which means staying connected must be a priority.

Thing C and Thing G come home from their mom’s today. Of course Thing G has been over our house every single day this week because of a bit of change in his mom’s schedule so it’s not really any different than it’s been all week.
Though it did help me realize how much I’ve come to appreciate those weeks when there isn’t anybody I have to be responsible for in my home.
I was really very sick for four days in the previous week, then back to school without another adult in my classroom, then no real quiet time with or without YBW and now we’re back to the “boys week”.

The quiet can be had…
Even the idea of connecting feels forced, so much so that I have little interest in making the effort.

Interestingly enough, I was considering heading out to see my dad on Sunday, (Talk about being desperate for a connection!) but it felt good when I thought it so I will trust my gut.
Felt, thought and trust…the heart feels, the head thinks, the gut knows what’s up.

Though I might ignore all three and hold up in the quiet for as long as I can stand it. I’m tired and I don’t want to put forth any effort, don’t want to be around anyone…perhaps I’m sick of winter, I have a strong desire to “go out and get the stink blown off” me but it’s just too damn cold for that nonsense.

Editing must come first.
After that, it’s a crap shoot.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “circle the wagons

  1. I feel sometimes we just need time to sit and ‘be’.
    I think you made the right choice.
    I trust that you felt better after. 🙂

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