Posts Tagged With: worn out

zero stars do not recommend

I have Lyme disease.
Zero stars.
VERY bad.
Would NEVER recommend.

I’ve been so sick, y’all.
These symptoms are no joke.
Fever and fatigue, headache and joint pain, and general malaise.
I can’t concentrate enough to read or write. I’m just kind of going through the motions. Lots of television and lots of lying low while Baby K plays.
I joke about being a whiny complainer, but I’m actually not. I’m the kind of girl that pulls herself up by her bootstraps and keeps on getting after it.
But this? This is me being an actual slug with lots of daytime resting and going to bed early while still getting after all the things.
I have been assured I’m not being a whiny crybaby, that I’m handling being sick and tired with grace and dignity. I think my family is more kind that truthful because I feel like I got run over by a truck.

I’m on day nine-hundred-seventy-six of twenty one days of doxycycline. (seriously, just kill me)

Ticks. What little fuckers! I hope the one that bit me suffers eternally in tick hell.

That’s what I get for being in the out of doors though, right?
We went for a shoot day.
A beautifully sunny fall day at Fairview Cemetery in Culpeper.
Leaves just beginning to do their Autumn thing.
YBW, Thing 1, and I had our cameras. Husband N and Baby K wandered about.

Is it worth it to suffer for my art?
Probably not.
I’m going to go take a nap now.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

cheer up cheerily

It has been a…what’s the word…curious(?) couple of weeks. I have been completely overworked at school, and editing that book, as well as finishing up my school term, not to mention still trying to process my personal feelings about my little friend whose mother died.
But(!) the curiousness is actually the best part!

nest

Robin birds in the spring are a SUPER big deal for me, (Gee, I can’t imagine why.) but since my mom died, I’ve not seen them anywhere near as frequently or in as great of numbers as it seems I always have in the past….and if I have seen one, I’ve been with either Thing 2 or YBW only.
A part of me was relieved I wasn’t seeing them in great big amounts because it was painful, made me miss my Mommie, but a part of me was disappointed, because it is one of my favorite “rites of Spring”. My theory was “God” (by whatever gender or name) kind of knew I wasn’t ready, that was why the sightings were so few and far between, or I was with those particular people.
This year however, I have seen more robin birds than I have been able to count! They’re EVERYWHERE! Even with all this snow, they’re flying and chirping and skibbling all around on the lawns. My joy is immense at hearing their “cheerily cheer up cheer up cheerily”!
It must be time. Either I’m finally healing on own, or Mommie is ‘up there’ pulling strings to make me heal (Of course she would still be trying to boss me around.)

The second ‘wonderful’ aspect of the curious is YBW. I had a total crap day yesterday and he just happened to be home when I came home for lunch, I honestly can’t remember the last time I was that happy to see anyone. He hugged me and I just breathed in his scent and felt so much better straightaway …I was instantly safe and comforted and so very grateful. I was just enough to bolster me to get through the rest of my day.

I went to see the holistic doc and he was worried about my appearance, when I told him I was just worn out, he was worried it was the book. No, my job…the strangest thing…he offered me a job right on the spot! I thought and thought about it…made the pro and con list in my head, talked with Sundance and YBW about it then went to school this morning and met with my director (For three hours!) discussed where my ‘heart is’, made plans for positive changes. I walked into her office completely devoid of hope and walked out three hours later quite full.
Got an email with a new chapter for the book with a note asking me to let him know about the position. I’m going to decline…I know how to run the office because I did it for my doctor before I came here, and it is very seductive to receive all that free healthcare, and there are so many positives, but there are negatives, too…but ultimately, it isn’t where my heart is.
If I am going to leave my school I need to do it in a mindful way, not a reactionary way. I’m not ready yet, my time there isn’t finished.

The robin birds are singing just for me, “cheer up cheerily”.

Oh! P.S. YBW and I are going to the beach the day after tomorrow! Hello, Jewish Mother for breakfast! Yay for YBW and yay for the mini break!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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