Posts Tagged With: teenagers

wondering how you are

Posted on September 22, 2013 by robynbird

My friend and mentor texted me this morning: Wondering how you are.
Four simple words made the tears come.
And I’d been holding it together pretty well. (Or I’m getting really good at fooling myself.)

The funny thing is…earlier this morning I was thinking how much I missed Thing 2’s little face, and then it hit me, what I miss most is hearing her voice. Especially her giggle.
That kid has the most infectious giggle you’ve ever heard! Thing 1 once said that if she had to lose one of her senses, she wouldn’t want it to be her hearing because she didn’t know if she could live without hearing Thing 2’s giggle.
(In fact, Thing 2’s giggle is one of my four favorite sounds; the others are Thing 1 saying, “mommy”, the crack of a baseball bat making perfect contact with the ball, and a sound YBW makes when he sleeps.)

But I digress…
My friend and mentor asked if I had video of Thing 2. It’s curious, I have all the photos, but her dad has all the videos, so no, I don’t.
But then I realized I had a 55 second video on my phone of Thing 2 and my niece, Girlie Thing being goofy one afternoon in August. So I rubbed salt in my wound and watched it and here’s what I discovered:
1. Thing 2 sounds quite a bit like me. No longer does she have that squeaky little girl voice, but a strong, rich alto. I was surprised by how much she sounds like me.
2. The giggles you hear more than anyone’s are mine.
3. Girlie Thing and Thing 2 were destined to be in each other’s lives.

Thing 2 and Girlie Thing were being silly and I was so amused, I began to film them.
Thing 2 caught me and said, “Stop filming us!”
She flashed me the ‘double finger’ and said, “Ha! Now you can’t post this!” Then the fingers again.
I laughed and said, “I’m just keeping it for fun.”
“To watch when you’re sad?” She asked.
I giggled and said, “Yes.”
Girlie Thing said, “Yeah, save it for when you miss me.”

Um…are these girls psychic? Am I? Did we know the world as we knew it was about to implode?
No. We were just having a fun afternoon hanging out…each of us thinking it was one afternoon out of the hundreds to come…
It isn’t. There aren’t any more coming…at least not yet.

YBW was ironing new dining room curtains (I know! Isn’t he the BEST!?!) while I was on the phone with Thing 1 the other day. When I hung up, he said something to the effect of, I noticed you didn’t say anything to Thing 1 about what’s going on with Thing 2.
My reply was, “It’s not my story to tell.”
He seemed to feel very strongly it was and was all, next time you talk to Thing 1 she’s going to be like, Mommy why didn’t you tell me about Thing 2?
I don’t know.
Thing 2 might not have the balls to tell her sister.
Or my real fear: Thing 1 will applaud Thing 2. (Does that make me paranoid?)

My darling sister-in-law texted me expressing her love and support after she read my last post, and asking why I didn’t call her with this news.
I don’t know.
I’m still figuring out how to function with it.
I love her so for reaching out to me when I know how hard it is for her.

I packed up all Thing 2’s belongings from her home here and sent them in a box to her home there. Good God, that was painful, packing her meds and clothes and special stuffed animals. I almost kept her favorite special sleeping lovey, Lamby. Not out of spite, but because I felt I wanted to keep a precious part of her. I even wrote her a note explaining why I kept Lamby and sealed up the box. It rode around in the backseat of my car for a week before I actually sent it…and in the meantime, I wrote a new note and put Lamby in the box. Lamby belongs to her, not me.

I am overwhelmed and I feel quiet.
I should be finishing up a paper for school as my term ends next week…I don’t want to write about American History, I don’t want to think about Economics. I want to hug my sweet baby and hear her voice.

As Grandaddy would have said, “You’re old enough for your wants not to hurt you.”

So I’m going back to work…then I’m going to snuggle on the sofa with YBW.

Categories: loss, love, me, on being a mom | Tags: coping, daughters, giggles, home, love, motherhood, parenting, sadness, teenagers | 2 Comments

a week in the life…may I please have a “do-over”?

Posted on September 18, 2013 by robynbird

So preschool still seems to fit me ill…

This frustrates me to no end! I am struggling to bring structure into the classroom, I’m struggling with two year olds who just haven’t experienced the type of routine and expectations I’m bringing with me.
I met with the director again today to voice my concerns…she pointed out the drastic changes in that room since my arrival…she is willing to provide everything on my “wish list”…she needs me and continues to champion what I bring not only to the classroom, but the twos program at large.
And while this is nice…I honestly know what I’m bringing and I can tell you I bring it like a boss! I learned from some pretty amazing teachers. (I’m not bragging, I’m being honest.)

YBW suggested after an almost 10 year break in teaching two year olds, perhaps that ship has sailed…that maybe, just maybe that’s not where I “am” anymore. That even though my heart loves that age, I may be in a different place and it just might not fit me anymore.
I’ve been considering this…my degree is secondary education…this means middle and high school…perhaps it’s time to embrace the teenagers of the world and leave the two year olds to those more currently equipped?
Perhaps I need to give it a little more time. I can feel it easing up…I’m just not on target…of course school only started three weeks ago. I need to cut myself some slack. They’re going to get it as I teach and model it…I need to remember to be kind to myself.
Preschool will be fun once we get our groove on.

And then:

Thing 2 dropped the biggest baddest bomb on me Thursday. “I’m just so done, Mom!”
This means she has decided to no longer consider me as her mother…she isn’t coming to her home here…she doesn’t want me to contact her…she doesn’t want me to “try and take care of” her.

Tears.
Confusion.
Pain.
Anguish.
Tears.
Anger.
Heartbreak.

She says it’s because she “has spent (her) whole life taking care of (me). That (she) has been responsible for (my) happiness and has never been able to do anything, (she) always had to be too perfect and a good kid to please (me). Because (I) told her she was my favorite person in the world, that put too much pressure on (her) and (she) has decided (she’s) unwilling to do it any more.”

WTF?
So much for 16 years of positive relationship…so much for making sure I’ve spent my entire adult life working to do what was best for her (and her sister) .
I am hurt and confused and want to understand how this came about.

My “sister” Sundance told me her Girlie Thing said, “Is Thing 2 mad Aunt Roby moved to YBW’s house? I think I would be if you did that.”
Sundance asked, “Enough to make you not want me to be your mommy?”
Girlie Thing said, “I that what Thing 2 said? No Mommy, that’s not Thing 2, someone else said that first.”

My friend and mentor said, “For the first time in my life, I am literally speechless.” (If y’all knew her you’d understand the seriousness of that statement.) She agrees with my niece, that Thing 2 is “seeing through someone else’s lenses”.

YBW cried with me and said, “I’m not as sad as you are, but I am so very sad.”
He holds my hand quite a little bit more lately because the sadness comes and goes suddenly and without warning. Today he was snuggling with his own Thing 2 and I had to leave the room because I couldn’t watch it…I was already feeling so sad.

The theory is she’ll sort her shit (pardon my French) and come back to me.
My thinking brain understands and mostly agrees, my feeling brain (heart?) can’t seem to go there.

My friend and mentor says, “You raised her well, she’s going to figure out how to see through her own lenses again and she will come back to you. And there you will be with open arms.”

Yes, my arms will be open…will my broken heart ever be able to trust my baby again?
If wishing makes it so…

Categories: education, loss, love, on being a mom | Tags: blended familes, daughters, early childhood education, heartbreak, home, loss, love, motherhood, new job, parenting, preschool, sadness, school, separation anxiety, structure, struggling, teenagers | 6 Comments

Thing 2 is feeling her “wizard angst” today.

Posted on August 12, 2013 by robynbird

Teenagers! Dey tink dey know everyting…you geeve dem an eench dey sweem all over you.

How right you are Sebastian.

Thing 2 is being a complete and total “B” today! Like, I want to slap that smirk right off her face kind of “B”!
(Y’all need to know I’m not a face slapper.)
We went out (at her request!!) to purchase a swimsuit because she doesn’t have one here, and do a little shoe shopping…we got as far as finding two swimsuit pieces in her size before she just…quit.

Me: You OK baby?
Thing 2: I don’t feel good.
Me: Do you still want to do Plato’s and DSW?
Thing 2: I don’t know.
Me: Well, we did come all this way…
Thing 2: MOM! I do NOT feel good! When you didn’t feel well last week I didn’t pester you!
Me: OK then.
We stop for burgers at Five Guys…Thing 2 is very busy texting (I never mind this because she doesn’t normally do it in a way I deem inappropriate) and can’t be bothered to order her burger.
(This is the first time I want to slap her.)
We’re eating…she looks EVERYWHERE but at me. I ask a question or make a random statement met with cricket chirping.
Me: I am very sorry you’re not feeling well, but you asked me to get you out of the house, so here we are.
Thing 2: Ugh, well SORRRRRY! I got worn out. Why is it you can’t respect me?
(This the second time I want to slap her.)
Me: I will happily respect you if you stop being such a little bitch.

Silence in the car on the way home.
(Rooney is playing so I’m fairly content)

Mailman in the front of the neighborhood when we turn in. (She is expecting a package from her boyfriend.)
Me: Mailman!
Thing 2: Yeah but now I’ll have to wait.
(Fighting urge to pull car over and slap then kick her to the curb.)
Me: Not too much longer, bout 6-8 minutes.
No response.

I’m switching laundry and I hear her door open and her RUNNING down the stairs then the front door open and slam shut and her running back up the stairs into her room and shutting the door.
After a few minutes I go up and knock on the door: Did your package come?
Thing 2: Yes.
Me: Did you get the rest of the mail or…?
Thing 2: It was at the front door, I didn’t go to the mailbox.

I go out to the box…get something that makes me need to call the Things daddy super quick, then I open my computer to start a new chapter in my econ studies when I hear Thing 2’s feet sheepishly on the stairs. (Yes I can “hear” sheepish footsteps.)
I look up and Thing 2 has her bf’s hoodie in her hands.
Thing 2: Mommy I can’t get the zipper back on.
Me: You already broke D’s jacket?
Thing 2: NO! (But there might be tears in her eyes.) Maybe!
I put my hands out and ask if she needs help.
Eyes cast down, she responds with a quiet: yesh please.
I quickly examine the zipper, see the place where a couple of teeth are missing, put the zipper pull back on and hand it back to her.
Thing 2: WHAT!?! You fixed it that fast? I’m missing all the good skills in our family!
She looks at the jacket and then looks quickly back up: thank you.
I took her by the arms and said: first of all, you’re welcome.
Thing 2: But I said thank you!!
Me: Secondly, you have plenty of skills. You just don’t have a lifetime of random and mommy skills under your belt.
Thing 2: Guess I can’t adopt Thing 1’s kid (Which she DOES NOT have!!) and be it’s mommy.
Me: No, you still need to grow up a bit more I think.
Thing 2: I didn’t want to come ask you for help. I thought, you were such an ass and now you want her to help you?
Me: I will always help you.
Thing 2: Thanks Mommy.
Then there was a kiss and she was off again…her feet lighter this time.

I love being a mommy more than anything in the world…I even love that my girls can be a bitch to me and know it will be OK when we can discuss it later on. It is about respect…respecting each other as individuals, meeting each other where we are, and knowing we all have crap days and try as me might, we sometimes take it out on each other. I like apologies when they’re appropriate and heartfelt.

Best part of all?
I no longer want to slap her.
Yay me!

Categories: on being a mom | Tags: angst, apologies, attitude, bad moods, feelings, love, parenting, teenagers | 4 Comments

6 teenagers and a hammer

Posted on July 26, 2013 by robynbird

I just told a 17 year old girl, “you need to settle down with that hammer, young lady.” and six teenagers burst out laughing.

This is a foam hammer that has been covered in duct tape “so it will hurt more”. The hammer was being used to…well…hammer knees. (Which was actually rather amusing.)

Thing 2 and five of her friends are hanging out, they were playing Risk when I rolled in, now they’ve moved on to a game called Resistance.
I cannot describe the entertainment value! Apparently there is a “game” they play…when someone belches everyone must say a color, the last one to speak must make a “sex noise”…I am HOWLING at what these kids think sex noises sound like!!

They’ve settled into their game and there is less belching and color shouting going on…I’m listening (though not “creeping”) to them talk about the game and it actually sounds quite interesting…I’m going to drink a beer(s) and try to write a paper (which might look a bit more like me watching Sherlock for the fourth time)

This is one of my favorite Friday nights in a long while.