Posts Tagged With: routine

surprise jammie day

Saturday was a pretty chill day around here.
YBW and I fitted a bottom for Baby K’s dollie bed. Seriously, that was the only work I did.
Actually that’s not true. I cleaned the kitchen.

We each spent time on our computers.
I went through my natal chart.
We watched a movie. I think we watched two movies.

I realized something as we lie on the couch in front of the TV.
It was the first time I spent the entire day in pajamas since March.

I’ve been relentless in keeping a routine. Getting dressed every single day. Week days. Weekends. I’m up and dressed and going about my day.
That was how I kept myself sane.

Here’s what’s interesting about having a jammie day.
I think it means I’m beginning to feel ‘normal’. (we can debate actual definitions at a later point)
About once a month, I’ll have a weekend day in which I choose to be still. I remain in my pajamas all day and do or do not do whatever pleases me. Oftentimes those days are days spent in front of the TV with YBW. We’ll watch things off the DVR or watch movies or binge a show. It’s normally a good day. And even if I feel like a slug at the end of it, I know the next day I’ll be up and doing the things.
Sometimes I just need to disconnect from routine. Sometimes I just need to be still.

I haven’t given myself that kind of day since March. I clung desperately to a routine that helped me feel ‘normal’. In doing so did I not provide that much needed chill day?
I don’t know.

It wasn’t premeditated. It just happened.
Clearly I needed a jammie day and didn’t even know it.

These thoughts don’t feel fully hatched, but I’m learning that doesn’t always matter.
I needed to get them out.
I needed to say (out loud to y’all) that I had a pajama day for the first time since March.

Makes me wonder if you find yourselves realizing you’re doing or not doing things you normally do or do not in effort to feel normal.
Please let me know.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

routine > normal

I grow weary of trying to feel normal.
The way we’re currently living is not remotely normal, so why in the holy hell are we pretending it is?
I mean, I get it. If we behave somewhat normally, it won’t feel as strange.
But it’s not normal, so why are we trying to make it feel normal?
Perhaps it’s time to accept that the normal we knew is gone and will never return.

I’ve worked so hard to keep some semblance of normal while being stuck at home.
Bathing and getting dressed. Doing the work things before the lounge-y things. I’m not wearing mascara. I’m not wearing my wedding rings. I am wearing jeans some days. I’m wearing yoga pants and leggings other days. I am never wearing jammies unless it’s the evening or I’m in my bed.
I’m sick of forcing normal.

Yesterday I didn’t bathe, but I did get dressed. I didn’t do anything remotely productive. I didn’t tidy. I didn’t sort photos. I didn’t write.
Want to know what I did all freaking day yesterday?
I was on pinterest.
All. Damn. Day.
I have no guilt.
I’m tired of attempting to feel normal.

I made an active choice to just check out.
I saw and pinned the most random stuff. From Harry Potter (Weasley is our King!) to organization. From cocktail recipes to all things Avengers. From houseplans and music to girl power and Good Omens. (I do not ship Crowley and Aziraphale as a couple, I love their friendship.)
I didn’t make dinner. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t want to. I just sat in front of my computer.

Today I feel different than I did the last few days.
I’ve been so frustrated and antsy.
But today I feel kind of refreshed.
Was looking and pinning all day was engaging yet mindless enough to make a difference?
Did I simply need a reset?

I’m tired of coping.
I’d like to be living.
Complaint is not my intention. I’m simply expressing my thoughts and feels.
I feel weary.
I know there’s not a way out for the foreseeable future.
I’m prepared to accept the situation.
I think I’m past the point of trying to keep it normal.
At this point normal is simply a word like egg or tree. I’ve lost the meaning.
Maybe that’s better for me? Maybe I need a new sense of normal?
TBPH, we all probably do.
It isn’t the way it was.
It’s not going to be the way it was.
This is it.
This is how we live now.
We need to discover how to make a new normal. One that keeps us safe and sane.
And on the day when the world opens back up, that’ll be an entirely new level of normal.

In the meantime, I’ve come to realize routine is one thing, normal is quite another.
So I’ll be sticking to my routine.
But I’m going to let go of normal for a while.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , | 16 Comments

how do you choose to cope

Yesterday YBW was standing at the kitchen sink washing out the coffee pot and he said, “I thought this would last two weeks and it would be over. I need to get into a routine like you.”

I think he’s realizing how unprepared we all were for the situation in which we find ourselves. In the beginning he likened it to being snowed in, we hunker down, stay put for a few days, then life resumes its normal pace.
Let me be clear. I am not saying he doesn’t take it seriously, he is acutely aware of the seriousness of this time of extended self quarantine.
It’s more like I’m in ECE mode and documenting his development. I am watching what he’s actively learning through his immediate and authentic experience. I see how he adapts based upon what he’s learning.

He saw me up, showered and dressed and going about the things. It seemed to me he realized the importance of these behaviors. I see he’s realizing how simple it is to stay in one’s jammies and be at the computer or in front of the TV all day long. How doing that helps create that snow day mentality.

Y’all, I made a concrete decision to get dressed every day. And I’m wearing jeans at least three times a week instead of comfy, around the house clothes like yoga pants or leggings. I’m doing the work-y things at the beginning of my day before I do the lounge-y things. This is how I’m choosing to cope.

I talked with him about why I made this decision. I did it because I want didn’t want my life to feel like one extended snow day. It’s easy to sit around in my jammies day drinking and eating all the live long day. I knew that would be bad for me. I chose to live differently in this time.
I know my limits. I know within which parameters I function best. So, I created this routine to keep myself safe and sane.
With nothing to break up the monotony of being stuck in this house, this routine makes every difference.

YBW is currently in his jammies drinking coffee in front of his computer. So, maybe the routine isn’t actually necessary for him. I mean, he does have his normal routine every other week. His regular life, in which he gets up, bathes, dresses and goes to work. So maybe for him the home weeks feeling more like snow days are what’s keeping him safe and sane?
He spent all last Friday pressure washing the deck. Yesterday, he patched a hole in the ceiling where Thing G’s shower leaked. So, he’s doing the things even if he’s doing them in his jammies.

Each of us had to adapt to the best of our ability to do what it takes to get through this while remaining safe and sane.
For some of us, that is day drinking.

Crowley is my spirit animal

For some of us it’s as much exercise as we can cram into a twenty-four hour period.
For some of us it’s cooking or baking.
For some of us it’s sleep.
For some of us it’s Netflix, Prime, Hulu, and Disney +.

Whatever you’re doing to keep yourself safe and sane in this time is none of anybody’s damn business. I mean, unless it negatively impacts another.
So if what keeps you safe and sane is locking someone in the closet, maybe you want to reevaluate. Unless they’re up your ass about some store brand cookies. Then I say, you do you.

I’m choosing to do what’s best for me. I’m aware my choice has no or low impact on others. I’d like to keep it that way.
But you know, I get antsy. I want to throw a temper tantrum now and again. Maybe that restraint is what’s keeping me safe and sane. I can only do me.

What routines are keeping y’all safe and sane in these unprecedented times?

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

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