Posts Tagged With: antsy

I’m a mood

It’s Wednesday and I’m trying to create a plan for my day…
Only I’ve literally done all the ‘things’.
Nothing left to sort or organize. Nothing to prep. Nothing to engage me creatively.
Other than laundry and food prep, I have no tasks or projects to keep me occupied. And truth be told, I don’t really care about food right now.
I’m reading, but even that’s not enough. I find myself finishing a chapter or two and looking around for something else to do.
Writing is tricky as I’m not sure what to say that doesn’t sound whiny AF.

Monday my big event was going over Michaels for a curbside pick up. Driving with the windows down and the beautiful sunny breeze was excellent. I almost just kept driving. Only I didn’t put on shoes before I left since I knew I wouldn’t have to get out of my car and it felt a bit ridiculous to be out and about without shoes, what if something happened and I had to walk?

Tuesday I stripped and remade the bed, laundered and folded sheets and towels. I skipped laundry day Friday because I had an appointment with the acupuncturist. So I also did clothes instead of just linens.
Even laundry didn’t help me perk up. Though it is nice to have everything clean.

I’m in a mood.
No, I am a mood.

I’m not entirely sad.
I’m not entirely angry.
I’m sure as fuck not content.

I’m tired. But not the kind of tired a good night’s rest alleviates. I’m the kind of tired that seeps into your bones and fills the very marrow.
And tired isn’t quite the right word either.

I’m searching for something I can’t quite put my finger on…
Something to keep my brain and body occupied in a positive way.

Perhaps I should go down to Thing 1’s and help her pack…of course making that trip twice in two months is over the top…at least it would give me something to do. And I could see that delightful fat baby!
That drive though…
Perhaps a quickie trip to see Thing 2? We could do a girlie hotel weekend! Are hotels even open?

I keep thinking inspiration will arrive via roundhouse kick to my soul…
So far, so nothing.

I’ve sworn off social media for a while. I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t stand how people claim to be woke then say bullshit like all lives matter.
Of-fucking-course all lives matter, but the only people dying in the streets are black people. So yes! Black lives are what matter right now.
I will never understand what it’s like to be a black person or other person of color in America, but by God, I am paying attention!

I’m grouchy.
I’m antsy.
I’m chock full of nervous energy with nothing productive to pour it into.
I am frustrated.
I am tired.

But above all, I am hopeful.
I keep looking for the silver lining. For the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. For the muses to show up and dazzle me.
Alas…here I sit. Writing about being a mood.
I appreciate your patience.

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anywhere but here

You ever have one of those moments when you’re just feeling that sense of “I can’t even”?
Nothing’s wrong really. Life is shiny. But you’re restless and hankering for a change of scenery.
When that happens to me, (and dear, sweet baby Jesus, does it happen) I like to play a little game called Anywhere But Here.
Now I can’t take credit for this particular game, I stole it from Joss Whedon’s writers room. Buffy and Willow play this game in season 2 Episode 8 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Here’s their Anywhere But Here (please take into account this episode aired November 10, 1997):

Buffy: I’m on a beach, but not one of those American beaches, one of those island beaches where the water’s way too blue, and I’m laying on my towel, and it’s just before sunset, and Gavin Rossdale’s massaging my feet!
Willow: Oh, that’s good! Uh, I’m in Florence, Italy, I’ve rented a scooter that’s parked outside, and I’m in a little restaurant eating ziti, and there are no more tables left, so they have to seat this guy with me, and it’s John Cusack!
Buffy: Ooo! Very impressive. You have such an eye for detail.
Willow: ‘Cause with the ziti!
Xander: What are you two up to?
Buffy: Just having a quick game of ‘Anywhere But Here’.
Xander: Ooohhh. Amy Yip at the waterslide park.
Willow: You never come up with anything new.
Xander: I’m just not fickle like you two, okay? I’m constant in my affections. Amy Yip at the waterslide park!

My ‘Anywhere But Here’ oftentimes involves a cottage in a tiny cove with white sand and clear blue water. It’s tiny but perfect with a large sleeping porch facing the water. I created this cottage out of thin air for a different original purpose but fell so deeply in love with it that any lingering association flew quickly by the wayside.
Occasionally my “Anywhere But Here’ is something more involved like the Orient Express from Paris to Istanbul or whimsical like going to “Harry Potter Land”.

I’m curious if any of y’all ever feel restless like that, and if so, where is your ‘Anywhere But Here’?

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

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