therobynbirdsnest

note to self

Posted on September 22, 2016 by robynbird

Words to keep me safe and sane in this dull gray time.
I laughed yesterday for the first time in (I honestly don’t know how many) days. And I mean really laughed. A great big cackle from deep in my belly. I was on the phone with my sister in law and nephew and niece.
I learned an important lesson today: Sometimes the phone rings when you need it to. Answer it.

I shall remember to breathe.
This is me breathing…
I shan’t drown in my own storm.
I have faith. I trust.
Like Peter Pan, I believe firmly that all the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.
How about a little sprinkle my way?

Categories: me | Tags: breathe, Emma Bleker, faith, faith and trust and pixie dust, family, hurricane of a girl, JM Barrie, just breathe, love, note to self, peter pan, trust, words to live by | 1 Comment

going through the motions

Posted on September 20, 2016 by robynbird

I have friends who’ve recently expressed their joy at my being in their lives. That I bring light and love and colors dancing into their worlds.
It should be a lovely feeling, knowing that I’m positively impacting the lives of people I care about. Only right now, I’m not feeling it.
I am not feeling terribly colorful at all.
Mostly I feel gray. I feel gray and dull. No color in my world. No sparkle.

I hardly even have the emotional energy to write this blog post.
I went to bed at 5:00 yesterday afternoon and woke about 7:30 this morning.

Sleep isn’t the answer.

I don’t know where my energy goes.
Is there some weird sort of vampiric thief of my positive energy? Something that sucks all the colors from my world? Is the energy I put out into the world simply consumed?
I’ve always felt what I put into the world comes back at me magnified. Therefore loads of sparkling color should be coming back at me.

I wrote recently about my intention for my life. I wrote of love. That I intend to live my life with love. That was the last time I felt truly positive. That isn’t to say I haven’t had moments of enjoying life, because I have…but there is an overall sense of nothing that’s bigger than the moments I’m engaged in something or with someone.

I’m apprehensive about using the word depression. But it seems to me it’s the word that makes the most sense. I’m not ‘just sad’. I feel numb. Though when I do feel, sadness is something that bubbles up to the surface. I know enough about depression to know what I’m feeling is something other than ‘just sad’. I’ll be journaling about this.

I don’t want to be an empty shell of a girl.
I want to be all fiery red hair and sassy verbiage and intentional love.

Like Buffy, I’m weary of going through the motions.

Categories: me | Tags: Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, colorful, depression, dull, energy vampires, Going Through the Motions, gray, intention, Joss Whedon, love, Once More with Feeling, positive energy, sleep, sparkle | 1 Comment

rainy morning Rufus

Posted on September 19, 2016 by robynbird

It’s pouring with rain this morning. We need it desperately, so I’m not complaining. But the gray morning makes me inclined to listen to a certain kind of music. This morning, I’m listening to Rufus Wainwright’s album Poses as I get ready to start my day.
Here’s a little California for y’all.
Please listen responsibly.

Categories: me | Tags: California, i dig music, Monday morning, music, Poses, rainy day, Rufus Wainwright | 2 Comments

dem bones

Posted on September 16, 2016 by robynbird

To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone. ~ Reba McEntire

This makes such sense to me!
I mean really. So. Much. Sense.

A “wishbone” is your imagination. Your hopes and dreams and desires. Can’t go anywhere in life without these. Well I guess you can, but you’ll be wandering…faithless and directionless like the Israelites . And nobody wants that. Dreams are what makes your life worth the Journey.

A “backbone” is your gumption. Your stubbornness that fuels you for the Journey of your life. Your ability to stand up for what’s right. Your strength to carry on when you want to lay down the mantle and rest.

A “funny bone” isn’t really a bone at all, but you ulnar nerve. We all know it’s not funny when you whack it. In this case, your funny bone is your sense of humor. Your ability to laugh your way through the Journey of your life.

A part of me feels as though a funny bone is the most important of the three. Though I suspect that argument could be made for each of these bones. Actually, the more I think about it…each one of these bones is the most important.
Without your wishbone, you’d never desire more. You’d never want to learn or do or become anything at all. A wishbone is invaluable when it comes to imagining…well, anything really. Without imagination, the Journey of life would be lacking.
Without your backbone, you’d not have the will to make the Journey of life. A backbone helps you be resourceful. It gives you the strength you need to help yourself, and those you love.
Without a funny bone, you couldn’t find the humor in the Journey of life. And we all know life is at the very least amusing. I firmly believe you’ve got to be able to laugh at the bad things as well as the good.

The Journey of life is tricky. It can be good. It can be bad. It can be indifferent. But with the right tools, you can thrive. Just remember these three things:
You gotta dream.
You gotta be capable.
You gotta laugh.

Categories: me | Tags: backbone, dem bones, funny bone, gumption, imagination, Reba McEntire, sense of humor, wishbone | 1 Comment

do it anyway

Posted on September 15, 2016 by robynbird

This right here.

This has taken me a lifetime to truly understand.
A lifetime to understand how to actually ‘do it anyway’.
If I’m anything it’s stubborn. Sometimes stubborn is tenacious…but only when you’re using that stubbornness as motivation to keep ‘doing it anyway’.
Being tenacious doesn’t mean I’m not frightened sometimes.
Fear will always try to drive. I say, make that bitch ride in the back and ‘do it anyway’. You never know what surprises await you.

Categories: me | Tags: do it anyway, fear, live anyway, love anyway, play anyway, stubborn, tenacious, trust anyway | 1 Comment

clouds at the end of the day

Posted on September 14, 2016 by robynbird

Can I please stay in the clouds forever?
‘Cause I really like it here
Can I please stay in the clouds forever?
‘Cause I really like it here

If they can see what I can see
If they can hear what I can hear
If only they can see what I can see
They would really like it here

Just look at everything in front of you
Then look from above
Just look at everything in front of you
Then look from above

Come and please stay in the clouds forever
You would really like it here
Come and please stay in the clouds forever
You would really like it here

Categories: peace and wellbeing | Tags: Anywhere But Here, clouds, i dig music, music, peace, peaceful, personal essay, photographer, photographs, Stay in the Clouds, wellbeing, Zee Avi | 1 Comment

love light is the best magic

Posted on September 13, 2016 by robynbird

“We do not need magic to change the world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.” J.K. Rowling

This quote is from her 2008 Harvard commencement speech,’The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination’.

I wonder sometimes if we’re put in people’s lives to be the light that shows them their own particular magic. To show them the power to imagine better is already within.
Surely there are people who’ve come into, and some who’ve come and gone again from my life that provided that light for me.
I may have even learned how to do it for myself.
I know that I’ve been that someone for people in my life. It is an honor without the fear of overwhelming responsibility. Because you see, being the light that shows someone their own magic, is simply being yourself. You’re not in charge of that other person’s well being. That’s their responsibility. You just be you and let your light shine.
Love is light. So by simply loving someone, you light the undiscovered parts of them, where they find the power to imagine better for themselves and the world around them.
What better magic could there be?

Categories: me | Tags: J.K. Rowling, Jo Rowling, light, love, lovelight, magic, power of imagination, power of love | 2 Comments

words to live by

Posted on September 12, 2016 by robynbird

I strive to remember this every single day.
I’m a raging control freak!
I need to control my own environment. I have to control what goes on around me so I remain safe and sane.
I’m learning to breathe more and worry about controlling what happens less.
I’m learning to trust the process. I’m learning the Journey is at least as important, if not more so important than the Destination.
I’ve mastered trusting my gut.
And the rest will follow…because I trust myself.

Categories: me | Tags: faith and trust and pixie dust, just breathe, let go, love, trust your gut, trust your instincts, trust yourself, words to live by | 1 Comment

walk off

Posted on September 10, 2016 by robynbird

YBW and I went to the Nats game last night.

We bought $5 same day tickets up in the 400 section. This isn’t where we normally sit…but last night was more about the giveaway than being at the game.
Last night was the “fan choice” Michael A Taylor bobblehead.

Michael A is YBW’s favorite Nat. He had an AMAZING spring training and then faltered when they came home to Nationals Park. So much so that he was sent back down to Syracuse. He was called back up a week or so ago..he’s got talent, but he’s green. Only more practice will enable him to fulfill his potential.
I entered the park before YBW because I was in the fast line, the woman at the turnstile gave me my bobblehead and told me Michael A was signing them in the fan store. I wanted to kiss her! I told her she made my whole night! I told her my husband was going to be “pants peeing” excited! So we went over to the line at the fan store and as we walked up, the guy said, “I’ve cut off the line to make sure everyone gets their bobblehead signed.”
I went into “momma lioness” mode. Seriously, please let my husband meet Michael A!
Nopity nope. (Big meanie jerk. He’s one of Jenna Marbles’ “People that need to pipe the f**k down”.)
As it turns out it didn’t matter that we didn’t get in line to have the bobble head signed. We went into the fan store and waited patiently. Sure enough Michael A walked right past YBW and gave him five! I have no photo of this because a very tall and extremely rude man stood slap in front of me. (He needed to “pipe the f**k down” too. I did elbow him when I moved…hard. Then I turned with the most horrified look on my face and apologized. He was all smiles…jackass.)
But I did sneak a pic of Michael A as he sat down, so go me!

I got my nachos and we made our way to our seats.
It was hot and I was sweaty, but the sky was pretty!

We were hosting the Phillies. Now, in my experience, Philadelphia fans are the worst fans on the eastern seaboard…probably in the entire US. The football fans are worse than that baseball fans and the hockey fans are worse than the football fans. The Phillies fans come here to our beautiful ballpark and act like a bunch of dicks.
It’s just bad manners, you know?

Luckily, there were no Phillies fans near us. Only some seriously die hard Nats fans.
That said, it was the longest, most boring game in my baseball experience. And I spent years watching my brother play little league!
Left fielder, Jayson Werth (Thing 2’s favorite Nat, we call him the “Greasy Hobo”) wasn’t feeling the first two innings. At least he wasn’t wearing his glove on his head as he sometimes does when he’s bored.

Let me tell you, I freaking LOVE baseball and I was bored to tears…
This is how I spent my time…snapchatting Sundance, Thing 2, and Thing C.
Sundance has declared that second baseman, Daniel “Hits” Murphy will be her third husband. He replaced MVP Bryce Harper for that title, pretty much because she grew weary of Harp’s shenanigans…and the fact that Murph is a freaking amazing ball player!

As much as I love Thing 2’s Hobo, my baseball heart beats for first baseman, Ryan Zimmerman.

Ugh. This game was just as long and tedious as the portion of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I like to call “Harry Potter and the Never Ending Camping Trip.”
Last night I sent this text to Sundance: #washingtonnationalsandtheneverendinggame
The game was scoreless till the fourth inning. Philly scored at the top of the inning but we scored at the bottom. So we’re still tied, but at least it’s 1-1 now and no longer 0-0.
After cheering, I went back to snapchatting.

Fifth inning was scoreless. The Hobo was just cooling his heels out in left field.

Y’all heard that in ‘Vampire Willow’s’ voice too, right?

We were up 4-1 at the bottom of the seventh.
Alright! This game finally got interesting. Not because we were winning, but because we were finally making plays, we’re scoring runs. (Well, maybe it was a teeny bit good because the Phillies were losing. F**k the Phillies.) Anyway, that only lasted a moment because there was a Phillies three run homer in the top of the eighth inning.
Now we’re tied 4-4 in the middle of the eighth.

Have I mentioned we need a freaking bullpen? UGH! These pitchers! The very talented Joe Ross on the DL. Stephen “Crybaby” Strasburg (looks like freaking Shaggy from Scooby Doo) just got signed for seven more years but can’t stay off the DL. Gio is the least consistent damn thing. I mean when he’s on, he’s hot. But when he’s off he can’t pitch more than four innings.
Do you understand what I just said? The starting pitcher can’t pitch more than FOUR FREAKING INNINGS!?!
Roark is talented and becoming more and more consistent.
So pretty much the only pitcher we can truly rely on is Max Scherzer.
(Scherzer is Thing C’s favorite player.)
And don’t even get me started on the relief pitchers! We’ve got a couple good ones…but then we’ve got crap.
Anyway…bullpen rant over.

Even though going to the game last night was all about getting YBW his bobble head and not really about being at the game, it always sucks when your team loses…or when games go into extra innings. Especially when you’re a cranky red haired girl who’s already tired and hot and sweaty and bored. (I swear to you I’m an adult even though right now I don’t sound like one.)

But miracle of miracles is rookie Trea Turner. This kid is a phenom! He saved us from extra innings with his walk off second home run of the game.
Boring game, but we won. More importantly YBW got his Michael A bobblehead and slapped five.
Ain’t baseball great!?!