A woman I love very much (more than she even knows) sent me a text message today that read, “You’re the one person I have to be real with and I can’t go there!”
Now today just isn’t the day for me to engage her…I have the keenest desire but absolutely don’t have the energy…but what she said in all its naked honesty has completely taken over my thought process.
I believe it’s about feeling safe.
Children must feel safe to explore and learn and develop, adults must create safe environments where the children can thrive emotionally as well as physically. As you mature you outgrow that created environment, you leave the safety of school classrooms, leave the shelter of home…and you realize you must create your own safe environment.
This is where it becomes problematic.
As lovers or partners or spouses we work to create a place where the other person feels safe, as parents, we instinctively create safe environments for our children. So why don’t we create our own little emotional sanctuary? Why don’t we feel emotionally safe in our daily lives?
I know why I don’t feel emotionally safe, quite literally I could make a list, but the truth is I don’t feel safe in my everyday life because I put my emotional well-being in the hands of others. I didn’t know that “the others” wouldn’t help keep me as safe as I kept them and by the time I realized what had happened it was too late, I wasn’t safe and I was the one who let it happen. I’m working on learning how to create for myself what I have created for the people I love.
Does this mean I created a safe haven for the sender of the text? I have certainly tried to. Does she feel safe there? Perhaps not safe enough, hence the “I can’t go there!” So I will shore up the safety and trust that she’ll become comfortable enough to decide to “go there” with me when she needs to.
We all have to shore up the safety for ourselves, create the safest refuge humanly possible not just for the people we love but for ourselves. If I feel safe I can open my mind more, see more, explore and learn more. If I feel safe I can open my heart more, love myself as well as I love those in my life.
If.
If is a gargantuan word for only having two letters.
So how about when.
When I feel safe and when I have felt safe consistently, and for long enough, I will open my mind and heart more.
And maybe, just maybe my nest can provide shelter for someone I love until she begins to feel safer in her own.
therobynbirdsnest 
Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
Blog Review –
I really liked this post and it showed a remarkable amount of clarify and self-reflection. That is something I myself have been dipping into this week and so this article spoke to me. I admire that the blogger knows and understands why they place their emotions into other people’s hands and I am sure many other parents can relate with those feelings.
On a side note I like the template used here. Even though there is a very loud color on the side bar it does not interfere with the reading portion and for that I was TRULY grateful. I would encourage people that like emotionally reflective pieces to read this.
Note: This blog review was done in connection with the post “I will do “Ten Reviews.”
-OM
Merci beau coup! I am V flattered!
Love your style of writing… So honest.
Thank you very much!
Very nice way of talking about boundaries, for those who need them and those who have them. I would love to re-blog on my page, is this okay?
Thank you! Yes, that would be fine with me.
I just wrote a blog moments ago about a guy who I have this basic issue with. I know this is not written for me but it was almost as though it was. Odd. I must have needed to read this at this very moment.
I was talking about my S-I-L, but it could be true for anyone in your life. I’m so glad my words were meaningful to you.
Yes they were. Made me think quite a bit
Reblogged this on Living with Mommy Bipolar and commented:
I just wrote a blog called Dating after being in an abusive relationship…. and then I read this here. It is such an odd thing to read right after I wrote what I did. I bet this is similar to what he is feeling.
Turning the “if” to a “when” is a noble goal indeed. Well said.
Thank you. I’m learning the hard way…but I’m learning!
Very thought provoking. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you for reading them!
You are most welcome. 🙂
What a beautiful post. I hope you and this person find happiness together xx
Thank you, she is my S-I-L and we’ve known each other since were were 19 and 20 years old, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for her…worry about her more than any other (adult) in my world. She’s having a rough go at the moment, so I keep sending out love and hope it helps.
I’m sure it does x
That was thought provoking..We let our work, our routine define the support system rather creating and nurturing it ourself..
Thank you…I’m learning every day to nurture myself the way I nurture others…what’s strange to me is how much I resist!
Thoughtful. I like the idea of a sort of in-between sanctuary, until the bird finds it own way to feel safe too.
Thank you. We all need a safe nest in which to roost.
True true!
I love your style, you strike a cord so personal to everyone, I love it!!! This post was so thought provoking and insightful. I look forward to reading more form you.
Thank you! I’m so pleased my writing moved you and I hope you enjoy reading more.
Reblogged this on yellowisthecolour.
Great post! Definitely a discussion that has risen up in some close/intimate relationships. And so worth the reflection.
Thank you so much!
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