Posts Tagged With: holidays

I just wanted some f**king cookies

It all started with a cookie recipe.

Salted Caramel Snickerdoodles

I love salted caramel, and I love snickerdoodles.
This recipe was a match made in Roby Heaven.
I posted it on social media and tagged Thing 1, asking her to make these cookies for her Momma.
She asked if I wanted them when she was here for Halloween, or when I was there for Christmas. (Um…both!)

Apparently YBW’s exwife, the mother of Thing C and Thing G, read the comment and texted YBW to see if he was going with me to Thing 1’s for Christmas and would Thing G be left here alone.

I’m over here like, OK, first of all…(actual content not fit for public consumption)

In the past, as part of their informal custody agreement, YBW and his sons mother have alternated holidays. You know, one gets the kids for Thanksgiving, the other for Christmas, and the swap each year.
Well, since the boys are adults, and one of them is currently living with his girlfriend, YBW is of the mind that they should do what works best for them. They’re no longer obligated to abide by the system in which they grew up.
That said, if they continued following the system, this year, holidays would be Thanksgiving with their mother and Christmas with us.

Baby K will experience her first Christmas this year. Both YBW and I want to share that joy, only here’s the problem with that, YBW just started a new job, and we’re going away for three weeks in November.
He has no PTO.
He’s figured a way to bank hours between now and when we leave to get through the first pay period, but the second pay period, with the exception of Thanksgiving will be all leave without pay.
Now, he was paid for his unused leave from the company he left, and it’s not like we’re going to starve or be homeless if he doesn’t get paid. It’s just that he’s trying to be mindful.

So we’ve kind of landed in the space that looks like me going to Baby K’s for Christmas, and YBW staying here and going to work.
I don’t love this arrangement.
But I want to be with Baby K for her first Christmas!
It’s so selfish though. She won’t know WTF is going on. She’ll just be her cute, chubby self. But I’ll know, you know?

Returning to the text…
It turns out that the mother already had a long conversation with Thing C about going to his grandparent’s house on Christmas. I watched him ‘song and dance’ around the subject with his father yesterday.
I felt at once sorry for this young man, and fiercely protective of his father.
Thing C is borderline incapable of making a decision when it comes to his parents. I’ve seen him do it more times than I can count. And it hurts my heart. He seems so desperate to keep the peace, to walk the line, that he won’t make a choice lest it err on the ‘wrong’ side of either of his parents.
He simply cannot be honest with either one of them.

As of last month, the plan was Thing C and Thing G would celebrate Christmas with their mother and grandparents the Saturday after Christmas, and we were considering celebrating together the weekend before Christmas if that didn’t interfere with Girlfriend L’s family plans.
Yesterday, Thing C was doing everything in his power to not admit he has decided to be with his mother and grandparents on Christmas day.
Their mother did send YBW a text inviting him to come too, so he didn’t have to be alone on Christmas.

I feel frustrated, and I’m struggling to distinguish whether or not it’s one of those things I can or cannot change.
YBW is more accommodating than most people, and I feel like he gets taken advantage of because of it.
It feels to me that his exwife saw an opportunity to get exactly what she wants and is doing what she can to take it.
It feels to me that his son is caught up in this opportunity, an accomplice, if you will.
That may sound harsh to call Thing C an accomplice, but that’s his behavior.
Meanwhile, nobody even considers Thing G.
I believe with my whole heart that their mother is pleased to be loosed her responsibilities towards that one. I mean, she loves him, but she is perfectly content that he’s here and she’s there.

So because I want to celebrate Christmas with our granddaughter, YBW is getting the shaft from his eldest son, who is actively following the plan concocted by his mother.

I am indignant!
They cannot treat him this way!

YBW doesn’t seem to think he’s being mistreated.
He seems to just kind of take it all in stride.
I suspect he’d rather be with Baby K for her first Christmas.

I am struggling.
Is this a situation I cannot change?
Is this a case of me needing to shift my whole ‘it’s the principle of the thing’ point of view?
I feel like YBW deserves better.
I cannot change the way other’s treat him. I can only control how I treat him.
I am seriously considering missing Baby K’s first Christmas to ensure he has a lovely Christmas.
I won’t disappoint the baby, she won’t know or care that it’s her first Christmas. I’ll be disappointed to miss it. But, I don’t want YBW to have a disappointing Christmas either.

Is this even about YBW or Baby K?
Or is this about me?
Do I just need to get over myself?
Is it just the principle of the thing?

I suspect if the girls and their father were treating me the way YBW’s son and his mother are treating him, YBW would feel defensive for me. I’m not sure he’s considered it that way. I’m not sure he understands how fiercely protective I feel about him. I mean, I know he’s a grown ass man and doesn’t need me to protect him, but that doesn’t stop me feeling protective.
He is my beloved, I want to help keep him safe.
If he did the kind of shit his ex wife does, she’d string him up so fast it would make everybody’s head spin.
But he doesn’t seem all that fazed.
I suspect it’s because he’s been conditioned.

I’m so disappointed in Thing C.
He will side with his mother every single time yet never actually own that to his father. He doesn’t want to hurt his father by being honest, yet hasn’t figured out that by not being honest his behavior is more hurtful.

It doesn’t have to be this way.
Yet this is the way it is.

I can’t control what they do.
I can only control what I do.
I can create and maintain healthy boundaries.

What I want to do is go full on flame thrower.
What I’ll most likely do is go be with our granddaughter, and trust that my husband will make the best choice for himself.
I know he can, and will.
I hate that he has to.
He is so precious to me! Even when he annoys me and I want to kick him in his face, I love him and want to help keep him safe.

I’m inclined to admit I’m getting worked up over the principle of the thing, but this is the principle of my husband, and I will get worked up over him until the end of time.
I love him and feel protective of him.
I believe he should be treated with more honesty and respect.

And then I find myself over here like, all this drama because I wanted some fucking cookies.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

a tune for Tuesday vol 12

Happy Christmas y’all!

You might not think ‘Billy Idol’ when you think Christmas songs…but this one’s a doozy!
This song is from Devil’s Playground, released in 2005.
Here’s Yellin’ at the Xmas Tree.

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

a tune for Tuesday vol 11

I absolutely adore Brian Setzer’s Christmas Extravaganza!
You might be asking why is this an extravaganza I love, it just is. It just is.

Dance around a little bit to Boogie Woogie Santa Claus!

Please listen responsibly.

Categories: music | Tags: , , , , , | 3 Comments

transition time

My twelve-year old niece woke up the morning of November second and began playing holiday music and decorating her bedroom for Christmas.
Initially I was a whole lot of WTF? but then I smiled as she strung lights, and created a display of nutcrackers on top of her dresser. She’s ready for the holidays!

I’ve always said, if I could go straight from Halloween to Christmas I’d be happy.
But you know, I’m not sure that’s entirely true. As much as I dislike Thanksgiving, I need the transition. I need that little bit of time between Halloween and Christmas. I need a little bit more time with my autumn decorations. I need time to get my (Christmas) ducks in order.

That said, I visited Pier 1, Home Goods, Hallmark, and Michaels today specifically for Christmasy things. I found and purchased ornaments for both Thing 1 and Thing 2. Also Husband N. Chose one for YBW, but the line at Pier 1 was longer than I had the patience to wait in so I’ll go back.

See, I need this time.
I need to make sure I have the perfect ornaments chosen for my family. I need to make sure I snatch up all the cute wrapping paper before it’s gone. In need to make sure I see what’s out there before every place is jam-slammed with other humans.

Thanksgiving is not my thing.
I try so hard not to be a hater, you know?
I just can’t help it. I truly believe it’s nothing more than an excuse for gluttony. And of course, my mother died the week of Thanksgiving. That I could have lived without.

However, I’m doing something new this year.
I’m choosing to embrace Thanksgiving as the transition time between Halloween and Christmas. I’m going to use this time to my advantage. I’ve even invited a house full of people for the giving of thanks.
I’m going to try so hard not to be an ass about Thanksgiving. I’m accepting its placement on the calendar as a blessing. I’m not quite ready for Christmas. But I need to get ready to be.
I’ll use this time to transition from leaves and pumpkins and cotton bolls to trees and stars and all the baby Jesuses.

For me, November will become a healthy transition time between Halloween and Christmas. And though I may never come to embrace Thanksgiving, I can accept it. I can choose to celebrate it.

I’m thankful every single day of my life. Even those days when I’m a raging f**king hater. I’m grateful for the life I have, the people in it, and the love that surrounds me.
Thanksgiving is a day, just like any other. I can choose to be filled with gratitude that day too. I can accept that it’s meaningful to people who aren’t me and embrace them instead of the day.

I’m so close to being ready to pull out all the Christmas things!
I just need a bit more time to transition.
Thanksgiving provides that for me this year.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , | 9 Comments

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