me

mind your business

asdweriouldn ghoihgla kldsfklwhoue kln klfjncdnbgeuoi alkjdahfouea kdfhdfadfhsf teiel jklhaidf obl jklholkljjn,woieurelkj n dflksfjksd ioa adkwilk houl dknohouw hdhouasdkjfasdweriecce adslfkjaeiolkjlksdjf kjouwu nbahvoueahrewy habnew yoiwuera jbkbkadjfweir

This is what my brain feels like.

Ever since June twenty-fourth I’ve struggled to make sense of the world around me, but mostly I feel like that shit-show up there.

Look, I understand there are differing opinions regarding abortion. I’m not opening this up for differing opinions to hate on each other. This has been so heavy in my heart and I’m trying to make sense of it. I’ve journaled. I’ve had conversations with people I trust, people who’s opinions differ and are similar to my own.
But I’m still struggling with how to wrap my brain around it.

Is abortion always the answer?
I don’t believe so, but how could I possibly know what’s the answer for another woman?
Is it up to me to decide what’s the answer for another woman?
Absolutely not.
And here’s why: It’s none of my fucking business what’s the answer for another woman.

Unless you’re the one that’s pregnant mind your business.
That’s the bit that matters most.

What I believe is different than what she believes is different than what he believes is different than what you believe.
And no one wants (nor should they have) to live their lives according to another’s beliefs.

I believe in the right to choose.
But for me pro choice isn’t always pro abortion.
For me pro choice means it doesn’t matter what I believe about abortion, it’s not up to me to make decisions about what an another woman can or cannot do with her own body.

What’s happening in this country is more than negating bodily autonomy from (approximately) 170 million women. So many of whom already lack access to appropriate medical care.
It is an attack on women.
It is an attack on girls.

Abortion is a hot button topic. I get it.
No one will change their mind.
No one will choose to see the other side of the debate.
But that isn’t the point.
The point is each of us must do the ultimate kindness and mind our own damn business.

(This was me trusting y’all and it’s still not quite what I hoped to get out. I’ll be over here continuing to sort out how to feel. Let me know what you think but please don’t come at me. Abide no hatred.)

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

grateful for a brain reset

This summer felt weird.
Almost like it didn’t really start until we came home from Thing 2’s at the end of June.
Then I blinked and July ended.
Now it’s all gearing up to get ready to go back to school.

I find myself searching for something just out of reach…
Perhaps I’ll focus on what was worth celebrating.
Perhaps a little brain reset?

I’m looking at all things for which I am grateful.
What better brain reset could there possibly be?

This is what I’m grateful for in May:
four negative COVID tests
YBW being only a little bit sick
Amber (she does my hair)
Jessica being here
Nicole and Jon being here
Baby K finally meeting (and loving) Nicole
two of my three alternative health care providers
Essie Willow in the Wind

What I’m grateful for in June:
LAST DAY OF SCHOOL (Dobby is a free elf)
celebrating at two graduation parties
Essie Aruba Blue
Baby K weekend
a day at Nats park with my darling nephew
an unexpected Holly day
finally being at home with Thing 2 and Boyfriend M
new ink
celebrating Josie at her surprise birthday party
one of my three alternative health care providers

What I’m grateful for in July:
celebrating twenty-five years of Thing 2
an extra long Baby K weekend
Democracy jeans
Six at the National and cocktails at Round Robin with Thing 1

dinner with Nora and Dale
Essie Spice it Up
a Bards Alley trip with Baby K in which she discovered kaleidoscopes
Thing 1 creating the perfect labels for my pantry containers with her Cricut
two of my three alternative health care providers

I’m chock full of gratitude this summer for:
being able to read so many books
fresh peaches
time on the roof terrace

a new grill
tequila
brewing some damn fine iced tea

Even though things are weighing heavily on my brain and heart, I’ve got so much to be grateful for!
I hope y’all’s summer has you chock full of gratitude too.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

didja miss me?

When Thing 2 was in second grade her teacher went on maternity leave. The substitute teacher was a man with precious little personality.
Seriously, we parents had many a conversation that went a bit like, WTF is up with this dude?
Anyway…
Thing 2 had been home sick and upon returning to school, she burst through the door and announced, “DIDJA MISS ME!?! (possibly like this)

Cut to Thing 2 getting off the bus that afternoon as I stand at the end of our driveway: *recounts story (may or may not have done the move)* and says, Momma! (all indignant-like) Everyone cheered except Mr M. (may or may not have stomped her foot here) He didn’t even look up!
My daughter was so fucking offended by the audacity of this teacher to be underwhelmed at her return.

I share this story because as I began to write, I thought (in Thing 2’s seven year old voice) Didja miss me!?!
I gotta say I missed y’all.
If you missed me too, thanks.
If you didn’t, no worries, I’m not offended by your audacity to be underwhelmed at my return.

I find myself missing writing.
I find myself lacking the desire to say anything.

So here’s a quick recap of what’s up in my world since we last spoke…
YBW tested positive for COVID the day before Mother’s Day. He was feverish and achy for about three days but once his fever broke he was simply congested and had a weird lingering cough.
International Week of the Birthday began on Mother’s Day, so needless to say, there wasn’t much to celebrate.
School finally ended the middle of June. It was a tricky school year and I wasn’t sad to see the end of it.
Spent a (hotter than balls) day at Nats Park with our darling nephew.
We went to visit Thing 2 and Boyfriend M in late June. Finally getting to be in their new home!
I got new ink.

Of course, the normal stuff: loads of Baby K time, read fourteen books, bubbly day with Holly, farmer’s market mornings…

I feel like I’ve had so much on my mind, so many awful and lovely little fish swimming around in my brain. I don’t feel like I’ve been able to chronicle any of it, I just had to live it.
Thoughts hatching all over the place, and thoughts refusing to hatch.

And you know, that’s OK.
Perhaps I needed a brain break.
I feel like I’m ready to come back swingin’.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

April gratitude

As we move into May (my most favorite of all the months) I want to take a moment to look back on April and celebrate.

April was busy. Especially the week it shouldn’t have been.
But the good kind of busy.

I’m grateful for:

two of my three alternative healthcare providers
brunch and bellinis with Mike and Josie
Oscar Isaac (we’re watching Moon Knight or as I call it ‘the moon guy’)
Essie Geranium polish
Smithsonian museums
dinosaur bones
the Smartless podcast
my dad’s windchimes

my friendship with Thing 1
a clean home
Bards Alley Bookshop
YBW’s sense of humor
kick ass charcuterie boards
free oil changes
working just the right amount
talking to my brother on his birthday
skeeball and air hockey (I’m excellent at one mediocre at the other)
time with YBW’s brother and sister-in-law
sunny afternoons
roof terrace time (#porchlife much?)
books
Harp Lager
monogrammed rainboots
afternoons with friends
weekday bubbly with Holly
reading
a really great dermatologist
Natasha Lyonne (we watched the second season of Russian Doll)
snow in April (three times)
celebrating Baby K’s third birthday
being the hostess with the mostest (for YBW’s work fam)
calling it like I see it
Old Navy Super Cash (Baby K outgrew all her warm weather clothes)

Dear April,
Thanks!
(heart) Roby

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Baby K is three!

Tuesday last Baby K completed her third go around the sun!
The Saturday before was a gloriously warm and sunny day and we celebrated by playing in the yard.
Baby K’s friend Liam came to play.
(in reality Thing 1 and Liam’s mom are friends and the kids are still figuring it out but they’re adorable together)

Chalk and a small bubble blowing machine in the driveway.

A dinosaur dig site set up in the sensory table.

Climbing structures and a bounce house in the side yard.
(a hand-me-down from our friends Nora and Dale who’s kids have outgrown it)

Birthday hats and mini dino piñatas.
Two (almost) three year olds.
Three grandparents (Nana was here from Georgia) and four parents.
Pizza and pressies and cupcakes.
A whole lotta love.
It was a mighty fine shindig!

On her actual birthday we got together for pressies, cheeseburgers and ice cream.
It was chilly and rainy but that didn’t stop us from being outside.
Especially because Baby K discovered something extraordinary in the ornamental grass planted around the front porch.

YBW remarked no matter how excited she was about gifts, the time we spent on the porch was her favorite part of her birthday.

There were dozens and dozens of snails.
She was so excited she could hardly stand herself!
She was quite clear about how they we going to be her pets.

I love that this little girl loves dinosaurs and dollies and books.
I love that this little girl loves nature.
I love that this little girl provides us the opportunity to see the world through her eyes.

Our grandgirl is precious and beloved.
I’m grateful she was born into our family.
I’m grateful to celebrate her birthday with her.
I’m grateful to be her Birdie.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Baby K weekend – April 2022

The weekend with our grandgirl started with her napping in the car on the way home to our house after a morning errand running with her mom and me.
She woke as we were turning onto the road to our house.
“We almost home Birdie!”

Not long after we arrived did her Papa come home from work.
She leapt into his arms from the landing of the stairs and in that moment, all was right in both their worlds.

We walked down to the playground where there were some older girls playing.
Baby K watched keenly but never attempted to engage them. She did however take a play from their book and began swinging herself onto slides faster than she’s ever done before.
She’s becoming such a big girl, y’all!

Saturday morning after checking out the new closet (awed whispers of “Wow” and a quick spin in the middle before saying, “I love this closet!”) she decided she needed to wear a pair of her Papa’s shoes.
She’s pulling that face because she was “working so hard” to tie the shoes.

When she tired of wearing Papa’s shoes, she told me “I rock Baby Simon! Birdie, you need fix the chair. I go get him”
I moved my great grandmother’s rocking chair to a place where there’s no rug and Baby K held the little Cabbage Patch Kid I found in my basket one Easter morning a million and seven years ago. (his name is Simon because I was a big ol’ Duranie and named him after Simon LeBon)
I just recently moved “Baby Simon” out of my cedar chest into Baby K’s basket of dolls and she’s all about him.

Finally it was time to go to the thing!
Right now she’s all about dinosaurs so we took her to the Natural History Museum to see the “dinosaur bones”.
She saw dino bones, sea creatures, other animals, and a load of gems and rocks. (the girl was not terribly impressed by the Hope Diamond, but she’s not quite three yet, so we’ll give it time)
I didn’t take any photos while we were at the museum. We were all present in the moment.

A curious thing happened in the geology gems and minerals exhibit.
There was a kid expressing their feelings of being finished going through the museum. They were screaming and crying. This kid was over life, y’all. And her parents weren’t exactly ready to accept defeat.
I had Baby K on my hip so she could see the colorful gems, but she couldn’t pay attention to anything but the miserable kid.
She kept saying to me, “Birdie! The baby is crying!”
I reassured her the baby was safe with their mommy and daddy.
But the more the kid cried, the more ridged my granddaughter’s body became. She repeated herself again and again, “The baby is crying!” and then she began to shake.
That’s when I knew we needed to GTFO.
When I held her close and told her we were going to find Papa, her body melted into mine and she took a big cleansing breath.
We found her Papa, waiting patiently with the buggy.
She said, “Papa the baby is crying so much!”
He held out his arms and she snuggled right into them.

It wasn’t much longer that we bid the museum goodbye.
Literally.
“Bye dinosaur bones!” (yes, she waved)

As we crossed the mall I wondered aloud if we should take a photo of her ‘in front of’ the Washington Monument. YBW suggested we move from the path to the grass, his DC specific pet-peeve is people stopping in the middle of walkways to take photos. (all those years of commuting via train and walking to his building via the mall being interrupted by tourists got to him)
Baby K saw a small flock of pigeons and proclaimed, “I pet them!”
All I could think was, ‘will you though?’

She was disappointed.
But she wore it well.
She was already planning to go to the playground when we got home.

By the time we got home, it was raining.
She was cool with it because she discovered some battery powered votive candles.
She took them to the darkest spot she knew…our closet.
She entertained herself for about twenty minutes before asking for Papa to join her game.
Not long after, she said, “Birdie Birdie! Come quick!”
I told her I was finishing folding some laundry and then I’d be there.
That was satisfactory.

Y’all we spent damn near an hour in the closet playing with those candles!
At first she held them behind clothes and put them in shoes.
Then we realized they could roll on the floor.
Rolling turned into sliding and we had a kind of candle as hockey puck situation.
At one point she took off her socks and put a candle in one. That lead to spinning and figure eights.
We had the best fun!
She spoke for each of us when she said, “I love this game!” followed by squeals and giggles.

Sunday morning she woke and said, “We see dinosaur bones today!” This was followed by a quick explanation of how we weren’t.
We played and read books and watched part of The Emperor’s New Groove before her nap.
When she woke, her mom and dad were here and we had a late lunch.
The grown ups hung out and played a game while she flitted from parent to grandparent before finally deciding she wanted to finish her movie.
We played while she watched.
Finally it was time for them to go home.
She wasn’t ready to leave, but when reminded that her dogs and kitties were waiting at home for her, she agreed.

This Baby K weekend was slam-jammed with fun!
I cannot express my joy and gratitude that we get to have her with us as often as we do.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Haunting of Night Vale

Welcome to Night Vale is a podcast written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor.
To say Thing 2 is a fan is an understatement.
She’s listened religiously since the beginning in 2012.
She turned me onto Night Vale. And while I’m not as deeply invested as she is, I too love this delightful podcast about a community radio show in a spectacularly weird desert town.

When they announced the 2020 Night Vale Live tour I bought tickets as a Christmas (2019) gift for Thing 2.
We all know the whole damn world shut down in the spring of 2020. The show was postponed twice before finally canceling.

Disappointment.
Sadness.
Especially because “The Voice of Night Vale” Cecil Baldwin announced The Haunting of Night Vale would be his last live tour.

But(!!!)
Two years later we found ourselves surrounded by a theater full of strange and wonderful people who like the same weird shit we do.
Cheers!

The story was well done, but the epilogue was everything.
(here’s a teeny glimpse)
We carry our ghosts with us. They don’t haunt us, they are a part of us. We are each our own haunted house.

Y’all it was an amazing experience!
I laughed.
I cried.
I cheered.
Standing O.

left to right: Cecil Baldwin, Kate Jones, Symphony Sanders, Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Cranor, Erin McKeown

I have such a grateful heart!

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

bubbly and blocks and old photos – a visit from Thing 2

Thing 2 arrived on a morning flight Thursday last.
She let me know she landed safely and was waiting for her gate checked bag.
Then I got this message:

This is a perfect example of how I communicate with my daughters. I knew what and why she was actually asking. I answered the underlying question. It’s a silly thing, but I love that about my relationship with my grown girls.

After we brunched at First Watch we hung out at here at home drinking bubbly.

Friday Thing 1 and Baby K came over to play.
YBW came home from work just after they arrived.
Of course he and Baby K brought out the blocks.
Aunt Gaga built too!

Saturday we went out to Naked Mountain to pick up YBW’s wine and hang out in the barrel room.
Thing 1, Husband N, and Baby K met us there.
Baby K shared her snack with Aunt Gaga before falling asleep in my lap.

Thing 2 and I went through two boxes of photos from the great and arduous process. She asked questions, I told stories. We saw her grandparents and mine when they were children. We saw our own faces reflected in these photos. We sent quick snaps to Thing 1 asking if she saw Baby K’s face in certain photos of their Grandmommy.
Thing 2 told her own stories, shared her memories, and expressed her genuine joy and gratitude hold these photos in her hands. She created a pile of photos we wrapped up carefully, tucked into her journal, and packed in her suitcase.

We binge watched Our Flag Means Death holding hands and snuggling up on the sofa. Thing 2 was all about that “boy love”. I was all about the beautiful humanity of it.

We also went to see The Haunting of Night Vale. This was the reason for her visit. Tickets she received as a gift Christmas of 2019 for a show April 2020. (we all know how that turned out)
But, two years later there we were in the theater holding hands and being as SQUEE as only we can.

She flew home Monday afternoon.
I miss her.
But I’m not sad. There’s no room in my heart for sadness right now.
My heart is overflowing with love.
Overflowing with gratitude.
I’m grateful to have this time with my girls together. Grateful for this time with YBW and Thing 2. Grateful for time with my second daughter.
I’m grateful we went to see Night Vale together, something she’s absolutely adored for ten solid years. Something she introduced to me and I also now love. Aren’t we lucky we got to experience this together?
I’m grateful we went through two boxes of photos. I got to see my parents through my daughter’s eyes. She never her her great grandfather, but she knows she’s named for him. She knows he was my first true love. She sees his image and feels the strength of that connection.
I’m grateful for our silliness. Our seriousness.
I’m grateful to have a strong and healthy relationship with my adult daughters.
I love that girl more than the moon and the stars and I know how fortunate I am.

Categories: love, me, on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

grateful for the sprinkled in good

This month got me like:

However…
I took some time to explore the good sprinkled within the madness and found myself feeling grateful.
So, I made a list.
I mean, of course I made a list…
Imma call it ‘Gratitude: get you some’ (or something like that)

With all sincerity I’m grateful for:

celebrating Thing 1’s birthday
freak snow storm
Baby K weekends (even when she doesn’t sleep and we switch to EDT)
being a helper (and earning money doing it)
the honor of knowing some seriously wonderful humans
peanut butter toast
black elderberry – echinacea – C vitamins – acetaminophen – ibuprofen – sudafed
vodka lemonade
warmer days
working well with YBW
Essie Bustling Bazaar polish
discovering The Bitter Southerner
being handy enough to patch and paint closet in preparation of new system installation (also grateful for upcoming closet porn but that’ll be it’s own post)
the group chat with Thing 1 and Thing 2
kick ass laundry machines
cleaning roof terrace and setting up rugs and furniture in anticipation of all the #porchlife
work schedule flexibility
air travel (Thing 2 arrives Thursday)
YBW’s nurturing and caregiving
driveway chalk playtime with Baby K
the ability to read
H2BAR box
orange juice (with calcium & vitamin D – no pulp)
AT&T offering FREE Samsung S22 devices (new phone who dis?)
Ryan Reynolds (we watched both Free Guy and The Adam Project this month)
Shuttle Art G-Line pens
my monogram hoodie

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

my own March madness

I’m at school more than I’m not.

How do kindergarteners know how to cuss?
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” when no one is even speaking.

Incident report because first grader beat me up.
Bite marks and bruising, but no broken skin – right forearm. Bruising from heel kicks – right shin. Redness from backhand punches – nose and left cheek.

School. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
It’s too much.
SPED class teachers and TAs are heroic.
Or crazy.
Am I a glutton for punishment?
I just wanted to help.

So tired.
Got sick.
Haven’t actually been sick in four or five years.
Worn slap out.

Sub job canceled today.
Sweet relief.
Can nurse this cold in peace.

No creative energy.
Literally just putting one foot in front of the other.
Fortunately it’s over now.

Rest.
Linger in steamy shower.
Write.
Rest.

Tomorrow brings something new.
Am hopeful.

Categories: me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Stories I've Never Told...

(...and some I have)

Starting Over

Because there's never enough time to do it right the first time but there's always enough time to do it over

Faith + Gratitude = Peace + Hope

When I was young, my dad would always say, "Crystal, you can choose your attitude." One day I chose to believe him.

debsdespatches.wordpress.com/

Writer, Reader, Random Scribbler

Snippets of SnapDragon

An irreverent space of poetically-cynical musings

Encouragement for you!!

Need some encouragement--read this!!

To Write or not to Write and What to Write

#shortstories #thoughts #reflections

Thinker Boy: Blog & Art

by Troy Headrick

Invisibly Me

Live A Visible Life Whatever Your Health

A Teacher's Reflections

Thirty Years of Wonder

Life and Random Thinking

An old dog CAN blog

charles french words reading and writing

An exploration of writing and reading

Sawblades In Your Walkman

effervescing with muchness

History Tech

History, technology, and probably some other stuff

walkingtheclouds

where the clouds may lead

Meditations in Motion

Running and life: thoughts from a runner who has been around the block

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

..because the thoughts that fall, kicking and screaming from my head need a safe place to land..

Finding French Charming

Finding True Love.. Even After Forty

Thought Box

Sweet...Bitter...Happy...Sad...All thoughts trapped in a Box...

M.A. Lossl

An author's life, books, and historical research

Wise & Shine

We exist to help people understand themselves.

Water for Camels

Encouragement and Development for Social Workers and Those with a Mission of Helping Others

Living In the Sweet Spot

"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present." Jan Glidewell

Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50

Navigating the second half of my life