What I am

journals

I am a writer.

I’ve been asked to remind myself of that from time to time by people who have my best interests at heart. They want me not only to remember, but actually believe that tiny sentence; tiny though it may be it is powerful. Perhaps that’s the key, these four words in this particular order could be the best definition of me.

I am a girl.
I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am a mom.

These are true statements, the last of which makes my heart happiest as it is honestly the only thing by which I ever wanted to be defined ever since I can remember. Interestingly enough, the one thing about being a mom that no one tells you is that it is a terrible way to define who you are. It is fleeting in meaning…the label I mean. I have been a mom for more than eighteen years, and it is how I wanted to spend my days, my life, my…everything. Of course what you don’t know is as your children grow and change, so do you…and while I am a mom might be my favorite sentence, it means something different with one daughter in college and one a sophomore in high school than it did when these same daughters were five and two. I will never trade this sentence, but I have learned it isn’t what truly defines me.

I am a girl.
Though I’m still a girl in my own perception, I’m a woman in the real world. So while it’s a true statement, it feels slightly off.

I am a daughter.
I’ve actually begun to think of myself as more of a ‘quasi-daughter’ since my mother’s sudden death in November, and though I still have my biological father and a stepfather, I feel less like a daughter without my Mommie.

I am a sister.
I have a younger brother with whom I’ve become estranged, and one appointed (read: no relation) sister who is my bestest friend, and though these relationships are real, I’m not entirely convinced it’s a way to define myself.

I am a writer.
I actually am for many reasons…because I’m finally finishing my undergraduate degree, write essays and papers complete my assigned tasks.
I write in a journal, for many years I did it regularly filling book after book, and then I realized I was only writing about what made me feel bad so I set it aside and didn’t write for a long time. Recently I’ve begun journaling again, this time in a more positive way, which I will strive to continue.
I write what I call ‘creative nonfiction’ essentially these are essays on a topic I feel strongly about, or moves me in some particular way. At the moment, this is my favorite writing.
I write a blog with my mentor and friend, she is an early childhood education expert, working with children, parents and educators, I feel passionate about what she teaches and I am honored to be writing with her.

Because I am a writer…I will write. Sometimes I will write things no one really cares about, but other times I will write about relevant things, mostly I will write because I absolutely adore writing.

journals 2

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