I went to the nursery today.
It was the first time I’ve been to a public place without legit reason. I’ve only been to the grocery store. I debated going to the nursery. Do I need to go somewhere that wasn’t specifically essential? Is it worth risking my health, and the health of others to get some herbs?
I went alone at 8:30 in the morning, expecting to find the nursery pretty empty.
But because I wore my mask and gloves, and I knew exactly what I wanted and where it is got it and immediately checked out, I felt like I was successful.
I came home and planted the herbs. I repotted Thing G’s aloe plant into an appropriately sized container. I repotted the maiden hair fern, and the gardenia into larger containers. I swept the porch, watered all the plants and got in the shower.
Did I need to go to the nursery today?
But I wanted to.
And I wrestled with the decision for several days.
Jessica encouraged me to go as long as I was appropriately safe. She said, “You have to do the things that bring you joy!”
I realize I’m feeling guilty for going out when I didn’t need to.
Is this how life is going to be for the foreseeable future? We feel badly about ourselves when we do nonessential things that bring us joy?
Maybe it’s just me?
I was safe.
I didn’t dawdle.
I got what I needed and got out.
You know what!?!
Buying and planting did bring me joy!
Dirt under my fingernails even though I wore gardening gloves.
The smell of the soil when I watered the plants.
As long as I do what I can to be and keep others safe, maybe it’s OK to do what brings me joy. However, I don’t think I’ll go out again for a while.
It occurs to me conflicted feelings will be with us for as we move forward.
I must remember ‘accept don’t judge’ applies to myself as well as to others.