a good daughter

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executrix…may I have another word please?

Posted on June 12, 2014 by robynbird

I found out this week that my dad’s ex-wife (not my mom) is the beneficiary on his life insurance through the police department.
(Would you like to see a container for my joy? Envision a teeny salt cellar spoon…only teenier…nope, still teenier…yes…right about there!)

I have read I can challenge the beneficiary but will need counsel. My cousin has hooked me up with someone she knows…but I have to pay $200 just to meet this woman. And I’m concerned that the ex wife will sue me for a copy of the death certificate…and win.
I would have that money sit and rot before I’d let her have it…so I need to decide how to move forward.

My brother is convinced there is “mortgage insurance” a policy somewhere that will pay the balance of the mortgage on our dad’s house so we can sell it free and clear…so far, I’ve found no evidence…but a close friend of Daddie’s has offered to purchase the house at fair market value, so we are leaning that direction…it would cover the mortgage as well as leave a bit of money for each of our pockets.
I’m inclined to put mine away for Things 1 and 2…but my brother wants me to be in a safer vehicle…mine isn’t unsafe, it’s just made by a manufacturer he doesn’t like.

I’m beginning to dislike the word executrix…specifically because it’s a new “label” for me…I don’t want the responsibility…the hassle…any of it really.
I am taking up the mantle because it was asked of me by my Daddie, he trusted me enough to be the responsible one…
He told me once he was sad I wasn’t his mommy…that I was such a wonderful mommy and he wished sometimes I could have been his mommy and he would know how well he was loved by the way I cared for him.
I’m not his mommy, but I can take care of these last things for him because he was well loved.
That’s what good daughters do.

Categories: loss, love, me | Tags: a good daughter, beneficiary, daughters, death, executrix, family, father, fathers and daughters, grief, life insurance, loss, mortgage insurance, mothers, relationships, responsibility, unconditional love, will | 3 Comments

Posted on May 4, 2014 by robynbird

I’ve been sitting in hospital all day waiting…waiting…waiting…
(Perhaps I’ve mentioned patience is not my most marked characteristic?)

I’m waiting because that’s what good daughters do. A good daughter waits while her dad has his hip replaced.
I am a good daughter.

A good daughter also identifies her dad’s body for the sheriff’s department before they can remove it from his home.
I am a good daughter.

I started this post on Tuesday while sitting in hospital…I came back to it Sunday after the entire world changed.

My dad was found dead in his bed Friday morning by the home health physical therapist that came to do his initial intake after he came home from hospital. When I got there, she was long gone but the sheriff deputies were waiting for me.
When I asked if I could see him the first response was to ask if I really wanted to see him and then they told me I wasn’t allowed to touch anything.
(My hackles immediately go up, I’m thinking: that’s my Daddie I’ll touch him if I damn well please.)
They tell me they have to stand in the doorway and watch me to make sure I don’t disturb anything. (Oh, I’m going to punch somebody in their mouth before this is over.)
The older sheriff’s deputy, who actually knew my dad, says: it’s OK sweetie, you can touch him.

What I wanted to do was crawl into bed with him and lie there for a little while before they took him away…but I was afraid that would make the deputies poop their pants. I touched his hand and leaned over and lay my head on his chest for a moment and then stood up, looked at him, whispered: oh, Daddie, then I left the room and didn’t go back in until I was finally alone in the house.

I cannot express how grateful I am that I had that teeny moment with him. I was able to see that he didn’t suffer, that he looked peaceful…
I have never felt less like a grown up than I did on Friday, but I’ve never done more grown up things than I did on Friday.

I don’t know what I would have done without Sundance or YBW on Friday.
Poor YBW…I called him when I got the call and he was unavailable…my plan was to leave a message that sounded something like: Please call me when you get a chance.
When I heard his voice on the outgoing message, I completely lost it and screeched: My dad died! Please call me back!
Sundance and I were texting back and forth before I got the call…so when I couldn’t get YBW I called her, when she didn’t answer…I texted: Please answer the phone please.
Before I could call her again, she called me and what followed was chaos.

Thing 2 said: Oh Mommy, I wish I could hug you. I told her: I will get to hug you next week when you get here. (She’s coming for my birthday.)
Thing 1 was beside herself with grief and I couldn’t hold her.
Thing G was so kind to me, he never stopped touching me Friday night, with little pats on my arm or leg or back, and so many hugs. His kindness was truly overwhelming. That sweet little boy took such good care of me when I needed to hold my own babies, he’s my baby too now. Thing 1 was so happy Thing G was taking such good care of her mommy, she told me to please thank him and give him big hugs for her.

I go tomorrow to sign the papers for a private autopsy to determine cause of death and then must decide whether or not to pursue legal action…I am not that girl.
I will also be able to spend a little more time with my Daddie’s body.
My God, I’m exhausted.

I am now an orphan…but I’m still a good daughter.