I’ve been home since September. With the exception of the wedding and Christmas, I haven’t really ‘done’ that much. I have these moments of inspiration. To paint the kitchen cabinets. To paint the bedroom. To rearrange the way we store things.
These moments of inspiration make me feel enthusiastic and purposeful!
I quite like it.
The moment I prep myself to consider tackling one of these projects I’m hit with the full realization that my brain is fighting against the rest of my body. I have the energy and the desire to step up. But every time I swing the bat, BAM! I’m hit full force with the pain I so successfully ignore while executing simple daily tasks.
I felt like I’d be at home and rest and heal and still get things done.
I’m considering forcing myself to begin a project. I’m excellent at finishing what I start. So by forcing myself to begin a project I know I’ll have to finish it. But, how will that impact the way I feel? What will that do to the healing process?
Let’s get real. I don’t really think I’m healing. I think this is just how it is. I’ve lived with pain before. I can do it again.
I’m sick and tired of waiting. Putting everything aside until I feel well.
I might not ever feel well again. Acceptance is key.
I accept that I might not “get better”. But I’m tired of putting my life on hold because of it. I’m just going to suck it up and do the things I choose to accomplish.
I will simply learn to function in this new way of being.
therobynbirdsnest 
It is like taking baby steps. You may find the joy of a project takes some of the pain away. My youngest daughter felt pain in her knees from age 11 until finally doctor took seriously and a simple blood test found JRA, which means at age 13, she was a subject of the OSU medical hospital and a patient at Children’s Hospital. yhey measured and told me the joints were acting and responding as if she were 65 years old!!
She was told to “use” her muscles, trying to lubricate her joints. It is only recently she has quit the meds. They are harsh on stomach, intestines and liver. So hard for her, swimming, yoga and stretching plus heating pads. Age 30 and trying to deal with debilitating pain. Hope you will seek healthy choices, no milk or processed meats. There are plenty of ways to try and get pain under control but each person must find their own personal therapeutic plan to function! 🙂 Hugs, Robin
You could maybe start with something quite small. That could then give you a confidence boost when you complete it.
That’s exactly what I was thinking! Which means the kitchen cabinets have to wait…