walking on eggshells

Thing 2 has been here since Thursday…I’ve experienced feelings alternating between “pants-peeing” happiness and bone crushing anxiety.
There are moments when she’s engaged and her sassiness is a joy to behold, we’ve had serious fun together…

Over all I’m honestly glad I got to see her after all this time…but it feels icky.
As though something has broken between us and is irreparable. We will never be the way we were…I can only hope we’ll be able to find a new way to be together.
I’ve broached the subject with her about the awkwardness between us and she begins her response with something to the effect of: I can see some of your points, but I just think we should let it run its course. So I asked if was that she just didn’t care enough to try to fix it or was it just not that important to her.
And then there was no more discussion. So after a while I asked if the conversation was over and she asked what I wanted her to say.

I’m so tired of feeling anxious, I wonder if she also feels anxious…and if so, is she tired too?
When something is broken it must either be fixed or…well…thrown away, I guess. I’m unwilling to throw away my Thing 2…but I can’t fix it all by myself.
So I wait…and trust that one day I won’t be the only one who wants to fix what’s broken.

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Categories: on being a mom | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “walking on eggshells

  1. Just a tad bit of humor: Duct tape fixes everything. I am thinking of trying it on the cat’s mouth so she won’t bother me so.

    Seriously though, I have a broken family, but for me I don’t think it will every be fixed. When I had to move in with my mum due to my disability, I thought we might learn to love each other and tolerate each other better. I don’t really think it has changed either one of us, except I am sure she is really tired of me by now. Some relationships can’t be fixed or put back together: we must just go forward from where we are, learn to love them and try to forget the hurt. That is what I am told, but I know it won’t work for me and mum, or me and my sister, so take the advice with a grain of salt.

    Peace & Love

  2. Interestingly enough duct tape has been a ‘fixture’ in my relationship with Thing 2 since she could talk…the joke was if she didn’t be quiet I’d have to resort to putting duct tape over her mouth…so much so that I used to say, “two words Thing 2…” and her reply would be, “I know Mommy, duct tape.”

    I’m sad to hear of your family situation…I hope you find your peace.
    I’m going to hold out hope for mine.

  3. I have a cousin who fell out with her mother in her late teens and had nothing to do with her for about five years. Eventually the rift eased and then gradually the togetherness came back and then they became the bet of friends. Now (forty years later, and my aunt in her eighties) the previously estranged daughter is probably the closest to her out of all her six children.

    • Thank you, Elizabeth, for helping me remain hopeful. This is my special baby, the one I’ve always been closest too…I think that’s why it has been so hurtful. I believe we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. ❤

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