Monthly Archives: December 2016

my mystery fever

Posted on December 15, 2016 by robynbird

I’ve had this weird fever all week. No other symptoms, just a fever. Well, headache too. (But I feel confident in saying I don’t have meningitis.)
I’m draggy, but not incapacitated…well, perhaps a little…
Early in week, I wrapped gifts, wrote, and took a pre-assessment for one of my education courses. I passed with no studying at all, now I can schedule that exam and check that course off my list. Boom! The next day, I did nothing but nap and take the hottest bath I could stand. Still didn’t break the fever. Yesterday, I got cute, went to the bank, post office, and to get my hair done. It nearly killed me. I came home and ate a bit, then pretty much fell asleep on the couch.
This morning I’m still slugging in my jammies, though I have stripped and remade the bed and put the sour, fever-smelling sheets in the washer.
This mystery fever has topped out at 102 and never dropped below 100. When I checked this morning, it was 101. I’m feeling a bit like Luigi from Cars. “Punch me Guido. Punch me in the face.”

Not because I’m excited about Michael Schumacher’s Ferrai, but because I’m sick of his damn fever.

Of course, I’m one of those strange human beings who’s “normal” body temperature is closer to 96 than 98.6. This certainly caused a great deal of commotion with the nurse at every school I ever attended. When I was at 99 on her thermometer, the nurse would smile at me and send me back to class. My mom shut them down most of the time with a fierce phone call and a letter to be filed in the clinic that if I was at 99 or more she was to be called. That letter (or subsequent letters) followed me from school to school.

Anyway…
I’ve just put a small frozen pork roast in the sink of warm water to defrost. I’m going to cook it with some mojo and a bit of Nando’s Peri Peri sauce…but not too spicy, YBW doesn’t like it too spicy.
Is it starve a fever? I’m not sure. I’m so hungry! I’m going to feed this fever…
I’ll do laundry, even though it isn’t laundry day. I’ll try to finish wrapping the last of the Christmas pressies. (Hey, at least my OCD will feel well today.)
I will also take a nap. And maybe a bath. And maybe I’ll lie on the couch and watch Christmas movies…
I’m hoping I can go back to school tomorrow…cross your fingers, y’all!

Categories: me | Tags: Christmas movies, fever, headache, ill, rest, wrapping presents | 2 Comments

Robynbird’s ‘must see’ Christmas movies

Posted on December 13, 2016 by robynbird

I’ve made the list of Christmas movies that I simply must watch. I’ve already watched White Christmas once, on my ipad in the bathtub…but I’ll be watching it again. Most likely while I wrap pressies. (I did…also watched Love Actually while I was wrapping.)
Christmas movies are the best!
At least I think so.
Of course, that could simply be because I’m a bit of a whore for Christmas…
There will be obvious holiday movies missing fromt this list. But remember, it’s not comprehensive, it’s my list of movies I love to watch at Christmas time.

Anyway, here are my ‘must see’ Christmas flicks.
(in no particular order)
Please watch responsibly.

White Christmas 1954
Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney
The music, the dancing, the schmaltzy story…what’s not to love?

How The Grinch Stole Christmas 1966
I’m talking about the cartoon version here, y’all!
There is absolutely nothing about this that I don’t love!

Love Actually 2003
Too many English actors to bother naming, but in the words of Julianne Moore, “Just a s**t ton of famous people.” up in Love Actually.
Now I’ve written about this movie before. I watch it each year at Christmas time, therefore it must be on the list.
The relationship between Sam and his step-dad, Daniel is my favorite of the whole movie.

The Holiday 2006
YBW always says, “Isn’t that the ‘gumption’ movie?”
Yes, yes it is.
Eli Wallach as Arthur warms my heart. He knows that Iris needs a little gumption in her world. And as much as she helps him, he helps her. They are my favorite relationship in this film. I absolutely adore Kate Winslet. Cameron Diaz and Jude Law are cuter together than one might imagine. And Jack Black is precious as Miles!

The story is predictable, but I love it anyway.
Arthur is a doodley doo.

Die Hard 1988
Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman (God rest him)
Yes, Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

Yes I love it.
Yippee ki yay, mother f**ker.

A Christmas Carol 1999
Patrick Stewart, Richard E Grant, and (the beloved) Joel Gray.
This is the only version I watch. I love that it’s depressing as hell yet hopeful all at the same time.
When Scrooge is thrilled to find he’s awake and alive on Christmas morning and begins to laugh is absolute perfection!

Miracle on 34th Street 1947
Maureen O’Hara, Johny Payne, Edmund Gwenn, and teeny Natalie Wood
This is my favorite Christmas movie since I was a little girl.
I especially love when Susan teaches Kris how to blow bubbles!

There comes a point in every person’s life when they doubt their beliefs. Even in something we know isn’t exactly real, like Santa Claus.
But here’s what’s up. The spirit of Santa is real enough. Never ever forget that. Always believe!

Categories: me | Tags: A Christmas Carol, Christmas, Christmas movies, Die Hard, favorite holiday, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Love Actually, Miracle on 34th Street, The Holiday, White Christmas | 1 Comment

wrapping pressies

Posted on December 12, 2016 by robynbird

Surely, you know of my mad wrapping skills!?!
I began the wrapping of the pressies this weekend.
I took everything out of the hidey closet and all the way downstairs Friday when I got home from school.

It’s weird how that damn sofa always photographs taupey when it’s the most gorgeous soft gray color…but I digress.
I hauled everything down two flights of stairs and got to work. Friday afternoon, I wrapped the gifts the boys chose for YBW first so they’d already be finished when he got home.

After I finished YBW’s gifts, I wrapped everything for the boys. That way, when the come back home from their mother’s house on Friday, they’ll be able to go downstairs even if I’m not finished wrapping.

I was dying to break out the new paper Thing 2 and I bought at Target so I decided to wrap a pressie I bought myself.

So much freaking glitter in this paper! My hands, leggings, and the floor were covered. I had it all over my face and in my hair. Good golly did it make my nose itch!

Today I wrapped for Thing 1 and her husband N. Tomorrow I’ll wrap Thing 2’s gifts. I want to get them to the post office the end of this week just in case of any shipping delays.

Here’s what I’ve wrapped so far…so much more to go.

I love to wrap gifts as much as I love to do laundry. It was pointed out to me that they’re similar tasks. I agreed and remarked that the stimulate my OCD in the same way.
Nothing quite as satisfying as perfectly folded laundry still warm from the dryer.
Nothing quite as pretty as a perfectly wrapped pressie.

I’m TOTALLY the happy elf, y’all!

Categories: me | Tags: Christmas, Christmas gifts, dude I got mad skills, family, Harry Connick Jr, love, The Happy Elf, wrapping paper, wrapping presents | 2 Comments

you know, deck them halls and all that stuff

Posted on December 8, 2016 by robynbird

No, no. I mean ‘Jingle Bells.’ You know, deck them halls and all that stuff?
No, no. You don’t get it at all. I mean ‘Jingle Bells.’ You know, Santa Claus and ho-ho-ho, and mistletoe and presents to pretty girls.

Categories: me | Tags: Charlie Brown Christmas, Christmas, Christmas music, jingle bells, Lucy, mistletoe, Santa Claus, Schroeder | 2 Comments

all the little hep-cats jump for joy

Posted on December 4, 2016 by robynbird

A little Brian Setzer to start our morning.
Dig That Crazy Santa Claus
Please listen responsibly.

Categories: me | Tags: Brian Setzer Orchestra, Christmas, Christmas music, music, Santa Claus | 2 Comments

all my baby Jesuses

Posted on December 3, 2016 by robynbird

There are twelve nativities in this house right now.
Yeah, y’all read that right…twelve.
No shame in my baby Jesus loving game.

There are three in the dining room.
This one came in the boxes of things that were my mother’s. This isn’t the nativity I remember growing up…but I love that it’s lighted.

I found this one in Mexico in 2002. I was obsessed with finding the perfect dark skinned people nativity after coming across one that was damaged. For many years this was my most precious nativity.

I loved the shape of this one I found on clearance after Christmas at Target the first year I lived here in this house. I don’t normally like the ones that are just the Holy Family and the wise men, but something about these spoke to me. I like that Mary is holding the baby. What I don’t like is that they have sparkles on them that get absolutely everywhere!

In our front room, there are two.
I found this one a couple weeks ago with Thing 2. The same day we found those adorable little Dr Seuss looking trees. I like that Mary is holding the baby while riding the donkey…they had to get back home somehow, right?

This beautiful set belonged to YBW’s mom, it was made for her by very dear friends. Last year, little D decide my ponies needed to go see the baby Jesus too. He and his folks came for dinner and we were just hanging out and little D was pretty quiet. So I asked him what he was doing, he came running into the room and grabbed my hand and said, “I show you!”

There are four in the living room at the back of the house.
On the mantle above the fireplace, there is my precious Willow Tree nativity. A gift from YBW two Christmases ago. I love that Mary is holding the baby.

On the unit that holds all the media equipment there are three small nativities.
This one was made in Ecuador. I found it in this precious little fair trade shop in Old Town called Scatter Seeds.

Snow in Jerusalem? I think not. But I love this nativity snow globe. I’m not sure where it came from, I think it was already in YBW’s collection when I got here. Joseph looks like he’s one of the Bee Gees…but that’s OK.

I found little one made of drift wood at the beach I think…or maybe at World Market? I don’t know…I just know it spoke to the beachcomber and nativity lover in me.

Downstairs, there are three.

I remember this Mary and the baby from when I was a little girl. She’s made of some sort of stiffened fabric painted gold. She’s not weighted, so getting her to stand up properly takes a bit of finagling. She’s all that’s left of a set…I remember one of the wise men was the last to bite the dust. It’s very precious to me to have this one. Just the baby and his mother. And it belonged to my mother.

I bought this one at Target to take to the classroom. Only I never did. And that’s OK too.
Made of wood and painted in bright colors, I find it very sweet. I especially love that there are two angels in this set.

And lastly, this creche was a gift from my mom the first Christmas I was married. (about 175 years ago) I had an accident with it one day, years ago. As I removed the creche from the box, the small box of people and animals fell to the brick hearth and shattered Mary into a zillion pieces. I sat and cried. She had the most serene face.
Desperate, I bought a replacement set, they’re not as lovely as the original, but the baby needed a momma.

When I began writing this post, I reported the number of nativities to YBW. Together, we wondered when there might ever be too many nativities in our house. He decided that the number wouldn’t matter. That we’d have too many when we ran out of places to put them and began putting them in the bathrooms. That’s when we’d have too many.
This amused me. It’s so very YBW…but actually, I think he’s right!

Soon I’ll head to the Cathedral to see the creche exhibit and be surrounded by even more baby Jesuses!
Oh, Christmas! It’s truly the most wonderful time of the year!

Categories: me | Tags: all the baby Jesuses, baby Jesus, Christmas, Christmas is about hope, Christmas is all around, creche exhibit, Holy Family, nativities | Leave a comment

Santa bring my baby back to me.

Posted on December 2, 2016 by robynbird

I don’t think about it any more than I have to.
I’ve only written about it once.
I heard a song today that made it all come crashing back.

I realize I have only flashes. Only moments. I have no full memories of that time.
I remember Thing 1 begging for help.
I remember being in the ER at Richland.
I remember going to Palmetto Baptist and being separated from her.
I remember saying goodbye and leaving her there. I held her close and told her how brave she was.
I remember falling to my knees in tears on Taylor Street before I could even make it to my car.
I remember explaining to Thing 2 where her sister was.
I remember leaving work early every day to be home in time for Thing 2 to get off the bus so she wouldn’t come home to an empty house.
I remember how painful it was to visit the hospital or talk with Thing 1 on the phone.
I remember singing ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ with Thing 2. So hopeful she’d be well enough to come home to us for Christmas.
I remember ‘Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me’ having an entirely new meaning that Christmas.

The pain of that time was excruciating. The healing process even more so.
I don’t intentionally ignore the fact of it. I just don’t choose to get up to my ass in it. Sometimes it sneaks up on me and I don’t have a choice but to feel it. Today was one of those days.
Leaving my suicidal first born in the mental health hospital was one of the absolute worst experiences for my family.
All I wanted for Christmas was my child to come home. And she did. And it was awful.
We lived through it.
We came out the other side irrevocably changed.

When I heard the My Chemical Romance version of All I Want for Christmas is You this afternoon, I was up to my ass in what it felt like that Christmas six years ago.

As I write this, I am filled with love. The love of a mother who nearly lost not just one, but both of her babies. That love is precious. That love is sacred. Those girls are my heart. And that means I have all I want for Christmas.

Categories: love, on being a mom | Tags: all I want for Christmas is you, Christmas, daughters, love, mental health, mothers and daughters, Santa bring my baby back to me, suicide, teenagers, Thing 1, Thing 2, unconditional love | 1 Comment

love and sadness deep in my bones

Posted on December 1, 2016 by robynbird

When there occurs a misunderstanding big enough to end a friendship, your initial reaction could quite possibly be to blame the other party. As far as I can tell, this is perfectly normal human behavior. You’re hurt. You’re sad. You’re confused. But then you’re angry.
For me, anger jumps in to protect sadness. I suspect that’s a fairly common phenomenon.
Blaming begins because anger is irrational. Anger is trying to make sadness feel better, so it lashes out. Well, let me assure you, that lashing out benefits no one.
Anger can turn a situation that’s tricky, but possibly repairable, into a situation that there is no coming back from.

In my experience, no matter how close a friendship, there is a line of truth you simply cannot cross. And that’s when you know that particular truth will create a shift in the other person.
Of course, we all long to believe if our friendships are close enough…that if you’re so close you’re “friends as family” there is nothing that cannot pass between you.
I’m here to tell you, watch what you say. Because you can wound deeply without knowledge. You can wound deeply without intent.

I recently experienced this scenario. And truthfully, it’s just a big bag of suck.
In a half-assed attempt to explain one of my long and delicate thought processes, I wounded a friend.
Without intent, my words were hurtful.
I believe I wounded his pride.
Pride is a double edged sword, too much or not enough can sometimes kill you…or others…

Each of us became frustrated. Then reactive.
There was no being mindful in this conversation.
I know the words “behaving like a petulant child” were involved…
When the conversation ended abruptly, we retreated to our corners to lick our wounds.
I honestly don’t remember who reached out first to begin the rebuild.
But after that, in true Robynbird fashion, I wrote a long and emotional email in which I completely over-explained my point of view.
To say it went over like a lead Zeppelin is…well…the truth. I have a tendency to overthink and overtalk my thoughts and feelings…normally my friend can sort through my words to extract the important information. But not this time.
Apparently, I triggered a hot button in him and anger came back via email. Blaming and (possibly deliberately) hurtful words on the screen caused two simultaneous reactions in me.
My hackles went up and I felt compelled to argue point for point. (and) I knew in my gut it was time to break the cycle.

This may seem terribly dramatic, to talk about a friendship this way. But here’s the thing, it was a terribly dramatic friendship. When I say “terribly dramatic”, I mean it this way.
We became friends with a quickness out of the clear blue. Differences in gender, culture, generation, time, and distance held no meaning. We were as close as siblings. (Not the ones you grow up with, but the ones you get to choose in your adult life.) We talked each other through some seriously tricky situations, and loved without question. If you’re fortunate enough to have this kind of loving friendship with a person of the opposite gender, you’re blessed beyond belief. That other point of view is invaluable.

I sat with my dueling reactions for a while before I moved forward.
When I chose to act, I was mindful. I used “I statements”. I expressed my love and gratitude for everything our friendship gave me. I wished him well.
I send only love and light to him. I’m hopeful he’s doing the same for me.

Can our friendship be healed from the hurt caused by this misunderstanding and our ridiculous reactions?
I honestly don’t know.
I do know this:
I have sadness deep in my bones.
But I also have love.