YBW and I woke early yesterday morning…actually I think he was awake and I was a bit restless but he moved towards me and petted my hair and softly kissed my face and when I opened my eyes and saw his face I was flooded with an overwhelming sense of joy! I grinned sleepily and whispered, “Golly I love waking up to you.” (Yeah, I really said the word golly.)
There was quiet talking for a bit, then kissing and then we made love. For the longest time afterward, we just lay in bed talking. We talked about everything under the sun…and then it got personal.
We talked about our “before” lives, what it was like for him to be with Thing C and Thing G’s mom…parts of my life with Thing 1 and Thing 2’s dad. Why certain things were the way they were and how we felt about them. I wish I could remember what exactly it was we were talking about when he said to me, “Hey, I once woke up to being stabbed.”
Roundhouse kick to my soul.
YBW was married for a second time very briefly to a rather mad woman who was an alcoholic and a horribly mean depressed person. He knew it was a mistake…but not before it was too late.
I sat with it for a couple minutes before I could decide to say, “I’ve never heard that story.”
He was very calm, “I was here asleep and she came in with the knife and kept poking me with it until I woke up. She wanted me to watch her kill herself with it.” He went on to say he talked her down off the ledge and got the knife away from her…
They had so much fun together…she was the total opposite of his Things mother. They went to happy hour and went to plays and had fun. Their sex life was good, which was different than it had been with the Things mom. (Though, he was quick to add, not as good as ours…I didn’t need the reassurance, but he was sincere, not flattering.) She was a whirlwind and she paid attention to him and she made him feel special and loveable. She told him she wanted to take care of him.
He wasn’t ready for anything major but she insisted they be married on the anniversary of the day they met or they no longer date at all.
I suggested she manipulated him, he agreed, but admitted he was willingly manipulated. He wasn’t ready to let go of that feeling of being special.
In the end, it all fell apart and she was hauled from this home in handcuffs for trying to hurt him on their first wedding anniversary.
I’m writing this because the way it felt to talk with him yesterday morning has nothing to do with the subject matter and everything to do the fact we are truly ourselves with each other. There is a level of trust that I’m not sure I’ve experienced before. I do feel safe with YBW and I help him feel safe.
It’s easy to feel a deep connection or level of closeness with someone when you’re naked with him, when your bodies are becoming one…it’s trickier to feel it when you’re listening to him talk about things that hurt him deeply and how he’s grown from it into the man you love.
Yesterday morning, I felt closer to YBW than I ever have.
We moved into a new level of intimacy.
Then we got up and he made coffee and I drank a diet Dr Pepper, exactly the same as every other morning…only completely different.